To think DH will look like an idiot

[Waistcoatworrier]

NC as my user name is outing

My best friend is getting married in a couple of months and I’m chief bridesmaid. DH is attending as a guest. Bride is in ivory, I’m in dusky pink/mauve and the other bridesmaids in a burgundy/maroon colour.

DH always tries too hard to fit in, Says he likes things other people like if he thinks it will make him sound ‘cool’ etc.

He has decided he wants to wear Mens Vest and Tie Set Waistocat Necktie with Pocket Square Cufflinks smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08L7XFJZ1/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_F94V0GP535KABDKPZJHQ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 this waistcoat. I’ve said it’s something someone in a bridal party would wear. He says he likes it and wants to wear a waistcoat, I’ve said he’ll look ridiculous and should get a normal waistcoat to match/complement his suit. Who is BU?

AIBU - The waistcoat is suitable for a wedding guest
AINBU - The waistcoat will make him look like he’s trying to be part of the bridal party

You are chief bridesmaid, this is your best friend, why not ask her what she thinks. Give your opinion too but sound her out as to whether she or the groom care. At my wedding unless someone had turned up in a full on wedding dress I wouldn't care a jot what waistcoat my guests wore. If she is the sort of person who will care and doesn't like it then it gives weight to your argument not to wear it. She might also know what best man is wearing to make sure he isn't blending with them.

He better not go near any open flames with that on!

Fucking hideous.

It's not really much different, but you're spoiling the fun of the posters who always want to make these stupid reverse comparisons (limits always completely irrelevant)
@Waistcoatworrier I think it really depends on two things, how dressed up other guests are likely to be & id suggest if he really wants to get one like that, that he chooses a completely different colour. In that colour he's going to look like he's trying (and failing) to coordinate with you.

save him looking silly / it's what we try to do for those we love

I mean, it’s ugly AF but if it’s what he wants to wear, it’s what he wants to wear.

I’ve never once been at a wedding and truly noticed or cared what the “bridal party” or groomsmen were wearing, or compared and contrasted to other guests and weighed up the jazziness of their waistcoats. Surely everyone will just be drinking, dancing, cringing at speeches, etc?

I suspect it’ll look a bit cheap in real life.

But as a concept it’s ok. Plain tie might be better.

Definitely avoid burgundy, but otherwise he’ll just look smart. There are lots around

eg www.asos.com/bolongaro-trevor/bolongaro-trevor-blue-and-gold-floral-skinny-fit-waistcoats/prd/200832052?affid=25888&_EAIaIQobChMIrOup-e7W9wIVybHtCh2KigO-EAQYBSABEgIJz_D_BwE&channelref=product+search&ppcadref=12029787983%7C117574734673%7Cpla-295337885746&gbraid=0AAAAADqFjOBY3a25GOfbsA1EbVdUpzzRo&gbraid=0AAAAADqFjOBY3a25GOfbsA1EbVdUpzzRo&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIrOup-e7W9wIVybHtCh2KigO-EAQYBSABEgIJz_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

and scroll down. So he’s not being weird.

I like it, it will look good at a wedding, and it's up to him, not you!

Ah. Link is broken. Sorry. You’ll need to copy and paste. Or google ASOS occasion waistcoat.

Are you Posh Spice? The toning together thing is so over and v naff.

This exactly!

He showed me the waistcoat, I did a little laugh and said it would look ridiculous and explained my reasons (being cheap and nasty was definitely one of them!). He said he thought it would be fine. I said I would get some opinions. He said ok. No big argument, no hurt feelings.

I’ve told him to his face before that he looks like a dick in something he’s wearing, as has he to me. Apparently in the world according to the mumsnet massive that means we don’t love each other and should divorce immediately 😂

I think a matte waistcoat in a more muted colour would look better

Ok I’ve text him and said 2 out of 3 friend thought it looked naff, 1 liked it. Ball is in his court.

Result is we are going shopping for a waistcoat this weekend.

Now if y’all could slow it down a bit, I don’t want this to end up being picked up for the daily fail! 😂

YANBU. I went to a wedding once and the girlfriend of the best man (newish girlfriend not well known to the bride and groom), wore a dress in the same colour as the bridemaids dresses and it was pretty awkward. I don't have this problem as I have to pretty much force DH to even wear a tie to a wedding and even then he whips it off straight after the ceremony. He'd wear jeans and T-shirt if I let him.

I’ve never once been at a wedding and truly noticed or cared what the “bridal party” or groomsmen were wearing, or compared and contrasted to other guests and weighed up the jazziness of their waistcoats. Surely everyone will just be drinking, dancing, cringing at speeches, etc?

I haven’t either - but sometimes these things can matter to the B&G and unless you know them very well, you might not know. I remember a thread on here about this: lady had had her 13 year old goddaughter as her only bridesmaid and it was a special thing for them both. The girl hadn’t wanted a frilly frock - was a bit self conscious. And some guest had brought a child in an old bridesmaid dress because she’d wanted to wear it. So what? Who cares what a guest’s child wears? But it did matter, as all the reception team assumed that this child was the bridesmaid and made a big fuss of her and sat her at the top table. Irritating for the bride and probably really upsetting for the young girl who was in that role and probably felt deflated and embarrassed.

If the OP is chief bridesmaid, surely she has a better idea of what’s appropriate here?

He’s soooooo going to clash colour wise with the rest of the wedding party. Tell him he’s not to stand anywhere near you for the duration.

I don’t know why people on these threads are all faux horrified that a wife is helping a husband pick his outfit. “Imagine it was the other way round!” gasp Generally speaking, it’s not the same. Generally speaking, women have more of an idea when it comes to fashion. Fashion is not my DH’s strong point - if we are going to a wedding or special event, I pick my outfit, outfits for the DC, and then we’ll decide together what he should wear to tone in. If he absolutely hated my outfit he would probably tell me if asked. Same with any sort of interior design. It’s just not his strong point. I pick everything for the house and yes of course I run it past him and he can veto but generally speaking that’s my area of expertise. I just honestly don’t think it’s that weird to split tasks in this way and play to your strengths in a relationship. It’s what makes us a team. DH would totally trust my judgement if I told him not to wear something to a wedding and it would be a complete non-issue.

If i decided to dress like a bridesmaid at a wedding where my husband was best man, I'd expect him to tell me it was inappropriate. Telling a partner of either sex if you think they've on occasion, got it wrong, is perfectly fine. It's only 'controlling' when dictating what the other person wears is a regular feature of the relationship.

If he was able to get that design in light grey that would be a deal breaker

No. Its like the wife of the best men wearing what is clearly a bridemaid dress. It just shows they're feeling left out and want to pretend they're "in the gang".

If he's on the chubby side tell him that he will look like Kenny Craig, Hypnotist.

Perhaps in a grey colour. I think it looks lovely. But if he isn't part of the bridal party it needs to be a different colour. He will look smart! It's a big occasion and dressing up isn't just for women.

Perhaps both agree you will adhere to what the bride and groom think? (and tip them off to say no garish waistcoats! . )

I don't particularly like it.

But theres no way he will look "odd".

Your suggestion to get something to match your bridesmaid dress is more strange tbh. That is far more likely to look like he is trying to be party of the bridal party.

Let him wear what he likes.

I absolutely love it. I would buy that for my DH and insist he wears it! Men hardly ever get chance to dress up, indulge him. Plus it’s very wedding appropriate imo.

I do agree with you, it looks cheap and he could get so much better. If your going shopping this weekend, perhaps when he tries on a nice waistcoat to match his suit, he will realise the other one is really naff in comparison. Hopefully!
I would sway him towards a nice grey suit and matching waistcoat, plum tie and pocket square or something in the same colour family as your dress but not too matching. But as long as he is happy and feels good in it, it doesn’t really matter!

I don’t really understand the horrified reaction here. It’s not the greatest thing in the world but it’s fine. And surely it’ll be worn under a suit, which will tone it down a bit.

I’d just let him get on with it tbh