To judge them a bit?

[Judgeygem]

My friend is 30 and on paper has a life I would envy, has a gorgeous house so much so it has its own Instagram account and lots of followers, goes on nice holidays a lot, plenty of money, cute kids, always dresses nice, always has her nails done! I went to her wedding last year and it was lovely and clearly expensive but I just couldn’t get over her husband. She’s 30 and he’s 45! He is handsome and younger looking than his age but I couldn’t grasp why such an attractive vibrant women would marry someone who’s going to be an old man so soon? I saw them today and couldn’t help but judge them a bit, though they look very happy. AIBU? Why do women shortchange themselves in this way?

It sounds like you’re very jealous of her and you’re trying to find something to look down your nose at.

She’s found someone she’s in love with.
It doesn’t matter how old he is.

I know many men my age (30) who are way too immature and I’ve not yet met anyone my age or younger than I click with.
I’ve never had a bf that wasn’t about 5 years older actually.

I wouldn’t go looking for anyone that’s 10+ years older as I’d think we have nothing in common but if I happen to meet someone and click with them then the age wouldn’t bother me.

So at 60 your friend will be youthful and sprightly (and stuck with an OAP apparently) but at just 45 he’s already nearly an old man?

Nah, you’re just jealous mate. You want her lovely house, beautiful children, nice clothes, beauty treatments etc… But it’s shit to tear people down just because you’re bitter.

Tbh every really handsome man I have met (there has been a few) pretty much knows he is hot and enjoys the attention and playing around.. maybe she has figured this out too.. much respect to her

In all fairness to the OP, I thought 50 was 'well old' at that age.

Horrible thread.
You sound jealous.

There is no maybe about it, YABU. And if she does get "a shock down the line", it will not be your problem, will it? Why can you not just be happy for her?

Maybe she loves him. Maybe, as he's older, more mature and presumably has more life experience, he's a fantastic and involved father to their kids. Maybe their relationship just works (as many others don't), regardless of the age gap, because they gel well together and respect each other.

Honestly, if you’re not on a wind up you should be asking yourself about why some women (although not particular to women only) short change themselves with their jealousy. This woman considered you a close enough friend to invite to her wedding and you felt the urge to go yet judge her on the man she chose who apparently has done nothing other than be a few years older than her.

Sorry if you don’t like yourself or your life but trying to find something to bring her down in your own eyes isn’t going to help.

DH is 18 years older than me. Marrying him was among the happiest days of my life. He's in tip top health and has private annual check ups. He looks young for his age. I have never, EVER, felt short-changed that he's older.

Yes, it's possible that he might become sick in the future. However my best friend was left a single mother after her husband died aged 36 following a brutal battle with cancer. Devastating. Age is no guarantee of anything.

Your "friend" presumably loves her husband. She could easily have 30 brilliant years with him or more.

You sound jealous and quite immature. None of which are generally signifiers of a happy life. If your "friend" ever gets a hint that you posted this or feel like this, she will drop you and be the happier for it.

What an odd and unpleasant post. Reeks of jealousy of her lifestyle, earnings and happy love life.

I'm older than him and am crying a bit inside about how he'll be an old man soon.

What is there to judge? Do you think she only married him because he could give her this lovely lifestyle? Because if they love each other, who cares about age.

Grow up you judgey twit

Wow you are jealous aren’t you?

You're clutching at straws to find a reason to judge them, when you're actually just insecure about your own life and very jealous of theirs.

Comparison is the thief of joy!

Are you wishing he’d picked you instead?
You sound about fifteen tbh

lots of 65 year olds have partners who are 80- very life limiting

Oh good god he’s not old and he’s not going to be an old man soon. I wouldn’t fancy the age gap myself, I think 10 years is plenty but he’s a long way from being old!!!!

My parents were less than a year apart in age. My aunt & uncle were about 15 years apart.

Guess who died first? My dad, the youngest of all 4 of them, in his early 50's.

Exactly. What a waste

True

Then you blink and all of a sudden you are over 40 and realise the under 30s are judging you.

Just wait Op, just wait and see when it happens to you. You only have 13 years to go.

But if 45 is ‘nearly an old man’, and 60 is ‘an OAP’, then 65 must surely be ‘nearly dead’, so what’s the issue if they’re with an 80 year old?

My husband was 15 years older than me. We were married for 39 wonderful years. I lost him 2 years ago and miss him every day. Age has nothing to do with love.

Eh?
DH is 49, handsome, cultured, hard working and has the energy of a 25 yr old. As he gets older he looks more charismatic and dashing…I would be very surprised if he was viewed with pity as being decrepit…he’s a real catch….and I married the lucky bugger 23 years ago

Waves merrily from age oh my so ancient 50!
You're going to have a horrible time aging, OP 🤣

45? He must have been a child when the dinosaurs roamed. Your poor friend.

I turn 50 this year so will take to my be awaiting my imminent infirmity and death. Hope my 60 yo boss understands 😊