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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge them a bit?

320 replies

Judgeygem · 10/05/2022 18:49

My friend is 30 and on paper has a life I would envy, has a gorgeous house so much so it has its own Instagram account and lots of followers, goes on nice holidays a lot, plenty of money, cute kids, always dresses nice, always has her nails done! I went to her wedding last year and it was lovely and clearly expensive but I just couldn’t get over her husband. She’s 30 and he’s 45! He is handsome and younger looking than his age but I couldn’t grasp why such an attractive vibrant women would marry someone who’s going to be an old man so soon? I saw them today and couldn’t help but judge them a bit, though they look very happy. AIBU? Why do women shortchange themselves in this way?

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 10/05/2022 19:28

Is this a reverse?

Are you the one with the gorgeous house and with a man 15 years older than you? Do you feel judged by your friends?

Changemaname1 · 10/05/2022 19:29

Shortchanged how ? Sign me up for a handsome 45 year old that makes me happy and an awesome lifestyle to boot

sjxoxo · 10/05/2022 19:30

has it occurred to you that she loves him? And that he makes her happy..? I suspect this has a lot to do with it 😉
…I’m guessing you are young / mentally still young- 45 isn’t 80. xo

Original poster
Judgeygem · 10/05/2022 19:30

Alright maybe AIBU then.. just think she would of had her pick of the bunch and was surprised that was what she decided to do! I’m 27 for those asking, I’m not saying 45 is old but it’s a damn sight older than 30 and she’s in for a shock down the line imo.

OP posts:
TheUnexpectedPickle · 10/05/2022 19:31

Wow. I judge them too.

If you're anything to go by they- or at least she- have terrible taste on friends.

She really is shortchanged herself with you.

SkirridHill · 10/05/2022 19:31

Someone I know has a similar age gap in their relationship, and are equally judged. Lovely relationship, great kids, gorgeous home. I can't imagine they give a flying fuck what small-minded people like you think - they're happy. Isn't that what matters?

Fullsomefrenchie · 10/05/2022 19:31

Christ op. How jealous are you? Get a grip on yourself.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 10/05/2022 19:32

Wow. What a lovely friend. Yabu.

LagerthasOwl · 10/05/2022 19:32

There has been a marked increase lately in the amount of "these people are richer than me and I don't like it so there must be something wrong with them please validate me" threads.

Georgyporky · 10/05/2022 19:32

How old are you, OP?
You sound very immature & naive - as well as jealous.

FlissyPaps · 10/05/2022 19:33

Judgeygem · 10/05/2022 19:30

Alright maybe AIBU then.. just think she would of had her pick of the bunch and was surprised that was what she decided to do! I’m 27 for those asking, I’m not saying 45 is old but it’s a damn sight older than 30 and she’s in for a shock down the line imo.

Why do you care? How does this affect your life?

RedRobyn2021 · 10/05/2022 19:34

I can be quite ageist too OP to me that's a big age gap, but if she loves him then it really doesn't matter

HSKAT · 10/05/2022 19:35

Why are so you bothered?!

Are you always this judgemental?

What if you met someone, really liked them, told you they were 45, would you walk away?

Are you actually genuinely happy for her? Because it sounds like your not.

Maybe find some peace in your own life.

Shoxfordian · 10/05/2022 19:36

She’s not really your friend is she? Yabu

Fullsomefrenchie · 10/05/2022 19:36

She’s not in for a shock op. No matter how much you wish it or it makes you feel better to hope she might be.

but honestly this isn’t judgey. It is jealousy pure and simple. You’re writhing with utter jealousy, about her life, her handsome husband, her happiness.

I think you need to focus on your own life and try to make improvements that stop you being so jealous of others.

josil · 10/05/2022 19:37

Judgeygem · 10/05/2022 19:30

Alright maybe AIBU then.. just think she would of had her pick of the bunch and was surprised that was what she decided to do! I’m 27 for those asking, I’m not saying 45 is old but it’s a damn sight older than 30 and she’s in for a shock down the line imo.

Yes but it's her shock then isn't it? 15 years is hardly anything to frown about, you are very judgemental and very jealous - you don't seem like a kind friend tbh to judge your friend in this way.

It's her issue not yours. The only issue I see is he is likely to pass before she does so she may be alone longer than she would like but even that's no guarantee and it's her problem to worry about not yours.

I think this is not a very nice thread to be honest and I'd be very concerned if a friend I new posted this.

NippyWoowoo · 10/05/2022 19:39

Whatever helps you sleep with your jealousy at night. With friends like you…

MermaidEyes · 10/05/2022 19:40

Try focusing on your own relationships instead of other people's. Frankly, you sound immature and horrible. I hope your friend reads this.

GoFishandChips · 10/05/2022 19:41

Oh, still bitter he picked her over you, OP? 😉

NippyWoowoo · 10/05/2022 19:42

Judgeygem · 10/05/2022 19:30

Alright maybe AIBU then.. just think she would of had her pick of the bunch and was surprised that was what she decided to do! I’m 27 for those asking, I’m not saying 45 is old but it’s a damn sight older than 30 and she’s in for a shock down the line imo.

Beautiful home, gorgeous children and a husband who looks good for his age? Sounds like she did get her pick of the bunch…

FlibbertyGibbitt · 10/05/2022 19:42

Oh dear 🤣🤣🤣🤣 how embarrassing! No wonder you changed your name 🤣🤣🤣

LondonQueen · 10/05/2022 19:44

You sound bitter. Not a good look.

LicoricePizza · 10/05/2022 19:45

You’re desperately trying to find a reason to knock this woman’s success & happiness. Yabu & jealous.

Herejustforthisone · 10/05/2022 19:45

45 is ‘soon to be an old man’ 😂

Fullsomefrenchie · 10/05/2022 19:48

Jealousy is a sign of deep unhappiness about something in your own life.

the op is desperately trying to find something to sneer at, and she’s grasped and come up with nothing so went down this silly route.”oh he’s older”.

op I am guessing you’re single or not in a good relationship , not happy with your own housing situation, don’t have much money, so don’t have the holidays etc, prob don’t have kids, not a happy person at all, and you want what she has, Inc the attractive husband, the house, the kids, the holidays, the money, the wedding, and the happiness.

You need to realise when you’re jealousy is eating you up so much you behave in this undignified manner, you will never achieve it.

and you aren’t her friend, you aren’t in her social circle, you may know her and be linked to her, but you are not friends and you don’t socialise together, you are at best on the periphery, on the outside, looking in.

Try to focus on how to improve your lot in stead of this undignified shit.