To judge them a bit?

[Judgeygem]

My friend is 30 and on paper has a life I would envy, has a gorgeous house so much so it has its own Instagram account and lots of followers, goes on nice holidays a lot, plenty of money, cute kids, always dresses nice, always has her nails done! I went to her wedding last year and it was lovely and clearly expensive but I just couldn’t get over her husband. She’s 30 and he’s 45! He is handsome and younger looking than his age but I couldn’t grasp why such an attractive vibrant women would marry someone who’s going to be an old man so soon? I saw them today and couldn’t help but judge them a bit, though they look very happy. AIBU? Why do women shortchange themselves in this way?

You’re searching to find something, anything you can judge to be imperfect in an otherwise perfect life and the only thing you can find is the age gap between her and her husband. Just accept she has a perfect life and you envy her!

I’m sorry about your loss. Please try not to worry about future pregnancies, although of course you will. I lost a baby at 16 weeks 7 years ago when I was 41. I was told age has very little to do with it, miscarriages are almost always random bad luck. I went on to have another healthy baby. Best of luck.

Unless you were in that relationship, you have no clue what led him to be abusive.

ok op i think its past yourbed time being only 27.......

What an odd thread. This isn't an age gap that I find surprising at all. I wouldn't care if my 30 year old daughter married someone 15 years older.

Actually, the only dating advice my gran gave me was to never date a guy less than 10 years older, because he'd be too immature!!! She was ten years younger than her husband. They had a happy marriage and she died first.

Sounds like she has a pretty sweet set up to me!!!

have a word with yourself you clown.

possibly the best line ever written on MN.

I just told my 50 year old partner what you said and he laughed his head off before he went to shower after this 3x a week bootcamp. He’s more attractive and in better shape than he has ever been, he’s so far from being an old man I can’t tell you.

most of my male friends are in their mid 40’s to to early 50’s. They live their lives no differently to now they did 20 years ago. They’re fit, almost all still in good shape, well dressed, still have a laugh going out and have some disposable income.

Apparently I'm going to be an old woman soon!

I'm 45 and though my health has taken a downturn in recent years and I now get ads for mobility aids and funeral plans in the post, I am far from old.

I think the op is very focused on image and the materialistic, she’s of the ilk where that is key for her, for example “on paper” is a popular phrase on love island, she talks about this woman’s clothes, holidays, nails, “cute” kids, house, how much money she has, social media, and now of course she has a handsome husband too, he also looks good.

it’s just become too much for rhe op, she wants all these things , she wants the handsome husband, the cute kids, the nice clothes, to get her nails done, to live in a lovely home, have nice holidays, have no money problems, and sees it as the goal, and her jealousy has got the better of her as she doesn’t have these things.

so she’s tried to make herself feel better and tried to find a reason to put them down, to scorn them, and sadly this was all she could come up with, that he will soon be old, that the woman will have a problem in thirty years, so she doesn’t feel so bad inside when she compares.

which is not just really sad, the only person who is hurting is the op, and that unhappiness is like a beacon warning others to stay away.

All you are doing here is showing your own values. They are both good looking and presumably find each other very attractive, share a lovely family and home, and are happy. You see this and think she is shortchanging herself. Where exactly is she falling short? Far better to be happy together throughout his 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s and possibly 80s and 90s than to marry someone of a similar age and be looking enviously at other people.

By the time he gets to 80, they’ll have had over 35 happy years together. All of her 30s, 40s, 50s and most of her 60s. I’m not seeing where the ‘waste’ of a life is. A waste would be spending 35 years with someone the same age who doesn’t make you anywhere near as happy.

@Fullsomefrenchie

i completely agree. It’s really just clutching at straws and smacks of jealousy. Maybe the OP should focus on her own life and try and look for things that would make her happier without putting others down.

Also, my aunt has been with her husband for 30yrs. He’s 15yrs younger and they both couldn’t be happier.

Ageist much?

My partner is 12 years younger than me. He is male, I'm female- so in theory I'll be the old lady.

I personally think it is none of your business. She isn't worried so why are you?

Be happy for her.

You would judge the shit out of me OP 😁

I started sleeping with a 45 year old when I was your age. He's not even rich! I had known him through mutual friends for a few years at that stage. Didn't think it would go anywhere, it was a casual thing for a year or so. I'm 34 now and we are still together, have a house and a lifestyle that works for us.

His age is not hugely relevant, but when I stop to think about it, it has been good for me. He had his shit together, which motivated me to get my shit together also. I'm much happier now that I've done that. As it turns out, guys my age want things I'm not inclined to give them.

I would be interested to know what you think will shock me in the future. I have considered what the age difference might mean much further down the line. If I end up caring for him after 20 or 30 years of happiness then I'm fully on board. That said, I have a wildly unhealthy lifestyle, whereas he eats well, is active, and looks after himself. Odds are, I'll die first.

She's happy. She has lovely family life.
Jealousy is such a sad feeling, if you can't be happy for your friend.
Maybe it's time you find your own happiness. .

I'm 51 and got a funeral plan ad with a photo of a wicker coffin yesterday. Does bring you up short being advertised your own coffin! 😀

Oh mate. Save this thread to re-read, with mortified eyes, in your 40s. You will be incredibly embarrassed that you were so immature that you thought 45 was 'soon to be old' 😂

Honestly I doubt she really thinks he is soon to be an “old man” , she’s just jealous. She clearly thinks he’s attractive, likely successful, with money, and he is a good partner,. She’s just jealous and angry it’s not her so trying to find a way to make herself feel better, imagining problems down the line.

Wouldn't be for me, but I suppose she'll have the house to cheer herself up when he's dead as life expectancy indicates that he will die nearly 20 years before her and average healthy life expectancy indicates she will just have another 16 years of him being in the sort of good health they can both enjoy. Meaning she is likely to be dealing with some age related health decline when she is only 46.

But hey its mumsnet, you're meant to be eternally grateful if a man (any man) so much as glances at you!

She has a beautiful home, dresses well and there is enough money that she can do self care, go on holidays and has kids. Could she achieved all of that on her own, with her own money? If not yabu. I have an 8 year age gap and my dh is 43. He's hardly elderly. You are being judgey. It's not the life you want so fair enough don't choose it.

My husband is 46 (I am late 30s). Someone thinking of him as someone who is ‘close to being an old man’ soon has really made be laugh 😂

I will have to tell him when I see him later!