To judge them a bit?

[Judgeygem]

My friend is 30 and on paper has a life I would envy, has a gorgeous house so much so it has its own Instagram account and lots of followers, goes on nice holidays a lot, plenty of money, cute kids, always dresses nice, always has her nails done! I went to her wedding last year and it was lovely and clearly expensive but I just couldn’t get over her husband. She’s 30 and he’s 45! He is handsome and younger looking than his age but I couldn’t grasp why such an attractive vibrant women would marry someone who’s going to be an old man so soon? I saw them today and couldn’t help but judge them a bit, though they look very happy. AIBU? Why do women shortchange themselves in this way?

I am in my 40s, I had better start scoping out some retirement homes for myself

old to me is 80 plus , im 50 this year and thats middle aged so i certainly dont class myself as old yet , people can live up to over 100 these days you know ,

There are a lot of advantages to marrying an 'older' man in one's 20's - and by that I mean 10+ years older.
They are more advanced in their career, so are bigger earners, are mature, have more life experience and probably are more 'stable'.

The downside is that generally women outlive men and these women could be widowed much sooner than usually is the case. Or, they could end up being a carer for someone who's health is deteriorating.

In addition male fertility generally starts to reduce around age 40/45 years when sperm quality decreases. Increasing male age reduces the overall chances of pregnancy and increases time to pregnancy (the number of menstrual cycles it takes to become pregnant) and the risk of miscarriage and fetal death.
Children of older fathers also have an increased risk of mental health problems (although this is still rare). Children of fathers aged 40 or over are 5 times more likely to develop an autism spectrum disorder than children of fathers aged 30 or less. They also have a slightly increased risk of developing schizophrenia and other mental health disorders later in life.

So, as far as starting a family is concerned, a younger man is a better bet .....

45! I’d mind of get it if he was 79! But 45.
get over yourself.

you’re really young aren’t you?

'I couldn’t grasp why such an attractive vibrant women would marry someone who’s going to be an old man so soon?'

Maybe she just, y'know, loves him.

Shocking idea, isn't it? 😂😂

What's your upper limit OP?

@Judgeygem - le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point - the heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.

@MermaidEyes its ok - we tie him up outside and walk him when we can because - you know - he is 60 so can’t expect much else from him because he is so so old. Considering taking my very healthy and active 76 year old dad to Switzerland this year because he is old. Fucker could outrun me.

I couldn’t grasp why such an attractive vibrant women would marry someone who’s going to be an old man so soon?

I bet you gush to her face about how gorgeous her house is and how lucky she is don't you?

You sound delightful.

I can understand the Op, being 27, wondering why her friend married an older man. I think a lot of you are overreacting and getting defensive and exhibiting rage, even cursing, quite immature behavior.

Some women marry much older men for status, connections, money, power, but it could very well be to seek a father figure too. Either way, there is a creepiness about marrying someone almost old enough to be your father (or mother) whether the large age gap is due to the man or the woman being much older.

By ''Marrying well'' sounds like she has done well for herself.
People do it all the time!

As long as they are both happy, what does it matter.
45 is hardly old, my adoptive mother is 82, slim, and hugely active, I'd say she is far fitter than me!

You do sound a tad jealous.

Yeah you’re a shit person! She clearly loves him and doesn’t care how old he is. It isn’t all about age… she needs better friends than you though!

My friend was married at the age of 17 to a man aged 40. It all seemed romantic at the time.

my mum had a saying “Better to be an old mans darling than a young mans slave.

My late husband was 15 years older than me…. Cancer took him from me (and our DS) at age 50.
We were blissfully happy and although it is 21 years ago, I miss him every single day. Our age gap meant nothing to us and he was way fitter and more sporting than me. The cancer was one of the ‘silent’ ones and he was given just 4 weeks to live upon diagnosis.
He was the finest of men, as a husband and a Daddy.
Maybe your friend feels the same way? If he is ‘the one’ then any age gap is irrelevant.

Oh god 45 isn't old - I hope

What a great phrase :)

She's not short-changing herself if she's happy. They're a happy couple so it sounds like it's the jackpot 🤷

After reading this post, it could be your friend feels like this, op. In your conversations with her, you may be able to learn her feelings about him and it will help you understand her point of view.

Are you a teenager ? 45 is the prime of life, as you will discover one day. You don't sound very nice.

Cursing 😂

You sound awful

So sorry for the loss of your Husband.
Glad you were happy together.

I don’t think I would be encouraging any daughter of mine to enter a relationship with a man 15 years her senior, I am sorry and accept that I am I lthe minority apparently 😳🙄.

I think a lot of people on here are getting triggered because you said 45 was old, it’s not, but compared to 30 it is in terms of personal relationship maturity. Although I just don’t get massive age gaps, it’s impractical for many reasons, and some how I think at least one or both are in it for their own convenience rather than a real bond.

At 30, it wouldn’t matter if you ‘encouraged’ your daughter or not, she’d be more than capable of making her own decisions.

Bloody hell, he's only 45. Judgemental or what?!