To think everyone needs to get a bloody grip

[crochetmonkey74]

Lighthearted -I'm so sick of everyone being so flaky after the pandemic. Last minute cancellations, emails not replied to for far too long, friends being just all a bit wet about everything. Anyone else feeling totally fed up and want to tell everyone to get a bloody grip

Last minute cancellations - can you elaborate? Are people cancelling on you for plans you’ve made together? If so, stop making plans with these people.
Do you run a business and clients are cancelling last minute? If so, start taking deposits or booking fees.

Emails not replied to for far too long - follow up with a phone call if you can’t be patient for a response.

Friends being just all a bit wet about everything - if you no longer like these people or their personalities, stop being friends with them. Find new friends who are more likeminded to you.

IMO, the pandemic has ruined so many lives. Deaths, Illnesses (physical and mental), businesses closing down, children missing out on education, rise in suicides, rise in domestic violence. So many restrictions. This list could go on and on.

Things like this can’t improve over night. It’s going to take a long time for a lot of people to feel how they did pre-pandemic.

I do think we have all become a bit, well, sissy. Everyone calling everyone else selfish, expecting people to hide out at home if they've got a cold, not wanting to go on public transport etc

Totally unreasonable. People have weathered all sorts in the last two years

a lot might still be struggling from long covid

a lot might have lost jobs so money is tight

a lot might have significantly increased anxiety

a lot might have changed all their usual childcare patterns as they WFH and do the school run now rather than have a childminder on a regular basis, so have less flexibility

a lot might have new commitments, like a dog

a lot might have lost someone in fairly traumatic circumstances where they couldnt see a family member

a lot might have worked in traumatic circumstances like a hospital where it has fundamentally changed them

and on it goes

Were not going back to how things were. Because covid happened.

PS I wish whoever gave me covid last week had been a “sissy” and stayed at home! I’m just about recovered now but it’s been utterly shit.

@Tiredalwaystired 5 of those in your list apply, so yes, I'm a different person now. If that makes me flaky then I don't care tbh.

Not everyone has come out of Covid unscathed like it sounds like you have, physically, mentally and financially

I'm definitely aware that lots has happened. It's been v tricky for me too in very serious ways so I do take that point seriously. I guess that for every person who flakes , there are people left to take up the shortfall (talking specifically about work here)

This is not the case at all actually. Very far from unscathed.

Ha - I'm sick of the few bloody annoying jolly hockey stick types at work who want pointless whole team bonding to get 'back to how it was before' - which was pretty shit, they moaned then too!

Getting over COVID is just new version of the same old gripes between high-intensity people and low-intensity people.

Hadn't thought of this!
You're right. It's probably annoying the other way too.

Yabu for using 'flakes' - maybe other people are just beinv kinder to themselves than you are to yourself? There are no prizes for having a stiff upper lip.

What you call 'flaking' may actually mean 'not pushing myself past the point where my health is being damaged'. Which is sensible.

This is an interesting point to consider, but at what point does looking after yourself force others to have to be the responsible ones however they are feeling?
I definitely take the point though and will think about that carefully

Without ignoring that covid happened, recognising the real and lasting impacts, and understanding that some changes are really social developments and evolving norms.... alongside all that, I do also think that a culture shift from soldiering on to wimping out has happened in some places / people.

Expecting flexible working: positive social development
Flaking on arrangements: normalizing poor behaviour

Oh for goodness sake, do you not think any of these things happened pre- pandemic? I lost both my parents young, my best friend lost her 5 year old child, I have friends battling breast cancer etc- none of which have anything to do with covid. The pandemic has been hard but plenty of us dealt with loved ones death and illness prior to lockdown- the only difference is, noone gave a shit about us then.

I agree. Everyone seems a bit wet, and I have this overwhelming desire to tell people to man up, and just be grateful and get on with it.

It never forces others to be the responsible ones, that is martyrdom.

I am no more responsible if one, two, three or twenty of my colleagues are off sick.

We are going to have a very difficult year, we can't avoid it, it has been a brutal period.

Yes plenty of us did deal with death and illness before the lockdown.

But, before lockdown there were no restrictions on funerals. No restrictions on visiting care homes. No restrictions on visiting people in hospital.

I think as a teacher, I am concerned about the lack of resilience. We are finding that students are not understanding that some things are immovable (students emailing the night before an exam to say they don't feel ready and expecting that the exam board will just sort something out for them)
We are also struggling to get them to understand responsibility and duty (dropping out of team events on the day and leaving fixtures unable to go ahead or putting too much responsibility on the kids left behind)
I think we are normalising this in the name of self care and mental health but we need to be careful how we model it I think. Its normal to be nervous before a match or presentation or performance for example

Well of course. Because being told to man up is all it takes isn't it? Why didn't I think of that!

Mumsnet is the spiritual home of the social flake

no one wants to do anything and acts like a friend being pissed off that they’ve pulled out of an event last minute because their dog’s best friend’s cousin is feeling under the weather.

absolutely love the excuse ‘May have got a dog during lock down’ as a reason for not replying to emails and/or calling in sick all the time. Load of shit !

I disagree about the martyr thing.
I'm a teacher and there are some things where if I am the one left, I cannot just leave kids to it, so I am stuck being the one left that is responsible

Well it's not really lighthearted then, is it OP?

I feel absolutely done in. I'm really fucking resilient - or I was but I'm absolutely burnt out now for all sorts of complex reasons - Covid being just one part of that - you've every right to be concerned about the fragile state of the nation but call people flakes and telling them they're wet and just need to man up is not going to magically improve things.

What are your suggestions to help build resilience going forward?

Maybe just give it time.

I think 'resilience' means something different than many people like to suggest. Resilience does not mean going through with things even if they feel awful. That is just bullying yourself.

Be wary of toxic positivity.

I’m sissy then for not wishing this cold on anyone it’s knocked me for six.

I think we are normalising this in the name of self care and mental health but we need to be careful how we model it I think. Its normal to be nervous before a match or presentation or performance for example

I agree with you here. Nerves before an exam or performance is not anxiety.
Its important to learn how to deal with that. Or you'll never push outside your comfort zone.