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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think everyone needs to get a bloody grip

309 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 10/05/2022 18:45

Lighthearted -I'm so sick of everyone being so flaky after the pandemic. Last minute cancellations, emails not replied to for far too long, friends being just all a bit wet about everything. Anyone else feeling totally fed up and want to tell everyone to get a bloody grip

OP posts:
duvetdayforeveryone · 10/05/2022 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request

Petros9 · 10/05/2022 20:53

carefullycourageous · 10/05/2022 20:45

You sound really uncaring.

How did you cope when everything was turned upside down for two years in your childhood/adolescence? Oh, that's right, it didn't happen to you.

The kids I see are trying hard every day. It is the adults who tell them they are not trying hard enough that are the problem.

I know we are all sick of the word 'unprecedented' but it really was. It was so shocking and scary.

Teachers really should have been trained on the entirely expected fallout we will see.

No, I do care about the students and I want them to do well. It's hard to see how they are going to do well if they don't come to school and don't do any work while they are at home. I think the pandemic exacerbated an existing trend in this direction. Everyone has to overcome some level of adversity in life to be successful.

Mustardmusings · 10/05/2022 20:56

I think the flakiness is a social media / not having to rsvp face to face / not having to cancel plans face to face thing. Now it’s on WhatsApp people think nothing of just cancelling last min. I find it really annoying but it’s even worse when it’s people cancelling kids parties etc.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 10/05/2022 20:58

crochetmonkey74 · 10/05/2022 19:59

I think as a teacher, I am concerned about the lack of resilience. We are finding that students are not understanding that some things are immovable (students emailing the night before an exam to say they don't feel ready and expecting that the exam board will just sort something out for them)
We are also struggling to get them to understand responsibility and duty (dropping out of team events on the day and leaving fixtures unable to go ahead or putting too much responsibility on the kids left behind)
I think we are normalising this in the name of self care and mental health but we need to be careful how we model it I think. Its normal to be nervous before a match or presentation or performance for example

I agree with this, some kids have also come to see school itself as optional, rocking up by midday if they come in at all 😔

carefullycourageous · 10/05/2022 20:59

Everyone has to overcome some level of adversity in life to be successful This is patently not true. Many people have very little adversity.

Plus COVID was a lot of adversity, not just some.

Plus COVID was in addition to any existing adversity.

Plus it was fucking scary. Adults were losing their minds. Teachers need to educate themselves about the expected fallout, not just criticise kids for the inevitable.

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/05/2022 20:59

Sorry @crochetmonkey74 for some people it's just not lighthearted. Some of us have dealt with life changing issues, your emails can just piss right off.

DaisyQuakeJohnson · 10/05/2022 20:59

Is this just another 'everyone should be back in the office' because Boris wants us to be and his rich chums need the city centres to be flourishing again so they can continue raking in their millions?

Because, honestly, I think those posters need to get a bloody grip. We're not here to make rich people richer. We're not here to pretend that being in the office benefits our colleagues when actually the Government push is purely based on inner city commercial and office rents.

The world has moved on. It's not the same as it was before and the Government needs to catch up.

GreenForG · 10/05/2022 21:01

YANBU. I don’t blame ordinary folk though. I blame the government for not having a suitable and up to date plan, ppe and staff for something entirely predictable. It meant they had to resort to scaring people into staying inside which is obviously going to cause widespread mental health issues.

Dailyfailcanfeckoff · 10/05/2022 21:02

crochetmonkey74 · 10/05/2022 19:59

I think as a teacher, I am concerned about the lack of resilience. We are finding that students are not understanding that some things are immovable (students emailing the night before an exam to say they don't feel ready and expecting that the exam board will just sort something out for them)
We are also struggling to get them to understand responsibility and duty (dropping out of team events on the day and leaving fixtures unable to go ahead or putting too much responsibility on the kids left behind)
I think we are normalising this in the name of self care and mental health but we need to be careful how we model it I think. Its normal to be nervous before a match or presentation or performance for example

I completely agree as a parent.
youngest ds is just now having the shock that a little bit under the weather does not mean you can stay off sick , after 2 years of the slightest sniffle and it’s expected to stay off.

carefullycourageous · 10/05/2022 21:02

some kids have also come to see school itself as optional there will be a wide range of reasons, yes some see it as optional, but some will be struggling, avoidant, anxious, depressed.

I guess we could get them help from camhs hahahaha <weeps>

The trouble is the more school clamps down, the less people will want to go.

crochetmonkey74 · 10/05/2022 21:03

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/05/2022 20:59

Sorry @crochetmonkey74 for some people it's just not lighthearted. Some of us have dealt with life changing issues, your emails can just piss right off.

I have too actually so I totally get it. But I also get that answering emails and being available to people at work is part of my job

OP posts:
Goldijobsandthe3bears · 10/05/2022 21:04

carefullycourageous · 10/05/2022 21:02

some kids have also come to see school itself as optional there will be a wide range of reasons, yes some see it as optional, but some will be struggling, avoidant, anxious, depressed.

I guess we could get them help from camhs hahahaha <weeps>

The trouble is the more school clamps down, the less people will want to go.

Trust me, I’m more than aware of each individual circumstance in this scenario..

Tryhard40 · 10/05/2022 21:04

Me too OP. I've come to realise I have very low tolerance for people who constantly make excuses in life.
Im sick of snowflakes and weak, lily-livered lazy arses who blame everything on their anxiety. It seems everyone has "anxiety" nowadays.

If that makes me a right bastard then fine, im a bastard!

JudgeRindersMinder · 10/05/2022 21:05

YANBU at all. I lost my dad to covid in May 2020 and since then have done my damndest to live life to the fullest, because I know he’d have kicked my arse if I hadn’t. I travelled abroad 4 times between Dec 2020 and Dec 21and am on holiday right now. I also moved house within the lockdown period.

I’m sick to the back teeth of people saying ‘oh you’re so lucky’. No I’m not, I made a decision as to how I was going to live and I don’t regret it.

We weren’t able to give dad the funeral he deserved so the least I can do to honour his memory and life is to live it to the fullest

Philisophigal · 10/05/2022 21:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 10/05/2022 21:06

@crochetmonkey74 I feel like the people that would cancel/flake at the last minute pre covid have ramped it up but keep an eye on the people who weren’t like that before.

Petros9 · 10/05/2022 21:07

carefullycourageous · 10/05/2022 20:59

Everyone has to overcome some level of adversity in life to be successful This is patently not true. Many people have very little adversity.

Plus COVID was a lot of adversity, not just some.

Plus COVID was in addition to any existing adversity.

Plus it was fucking scary. Adults were losing their minds. Teachers need to educate themselves about the expected fallout, not just criticise kids for the inevitable.

Different levels of adversity, of course, but I mean the resilience to go to school every day, even when you don't feel like it, to work at things when they are difficult. To do your best without giving up too easily.

ArcheryAnnie · 10/05/2022 21:07

I'm incredibly flaky and unreliable at the moment. I'm dealing with a really unpleasant autoimmune response from having covid twice, I'm pain most of the time, plus headaches, nausea and sudden, crushing fatigue. This list is not exhaustive. I'm terrified of getting covid again in case the third dose finishes me off, and this is not "anxiety", this is a rational, evidence-based response to how badly covid has affected me during doses1 and 2. I'm trying to hang onto my job through this. I tell people in advance how unreliable I am and reserve the right to cancel when I need to.

I'll tell you what, OP: I'm currently also ten times as flaky and unreliable with people like you than I am with my more understanding friends. I can accept invitations from them and turn up, knowing that if I need to quietly take myself off to a sofa for an hours' nap, they will let me get on with it rather than deride me for my lack of resilience. People like you, I have to be on top form.- and I very rarely nowadays am on top form. So I cancel on you.

Hbh17 · 10/05/2022 21:08

You are right. A lot of the pandemic hysteria was a fuss about nothing. Bad stuff has always happened - we just need to get on with our lives.

FarFarFarAndAway · 10/05/2022 21:10

I think most people I know are at a low ebb at the moment, I have very few friends who are coasting in a happy go lucky way and keen to be out all the time socializing. Lots of reasons for that, many have teens who have struggled massively during the pandemic, mine have, and my friends' teens have too- having to repeat a year, had untreated MH problems. Also over a million people have Long Covid! That's without the general stress and anxiety that living through the pandemic, and having a more home-based life, has wrought. Personally I think it's going to take a while for the fall-out of Covid to play out, no-one I know is coasting.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 10/05/2022 21:13

Mustardmusings · 10/05/2022 20:56

I think the flakiness is a social media / not having to rsvp face to face / not having to cancel plans face to face thing. Now it’s on WhatsApp people think nothing of just cancelling last min. I find it really annoying but it’s even worse when it’s people cancelling kids parties etc.

Agreed, this was a problem that arose with freely available texting and not actually having to speak to the person you are bailing on

carefullycourageous · 10/05/2022 21:13

Hbh17 · 10/05/2022 21:08

You are right. A lot of the pandemic hysteria was a fuss about nothing. Bad stuff has always happened - we just need to get on with our lives.

Wtf

'A fuss about nothing' - were you in a coma for the whole of 2020?

woodlands01 · 10/05/2022 21:13

I am a teacher as well and I absolutely agree with the lack of resilience.
With students, my own teenagers and younger staff.
It seems to grow consistently and it is becoming the responsibility of those who are not flakey to take on and sort out:

Students not coming to school and the expectation that I will facilitate them catching up.
Student entitlement in that we should train them specifically how to pass their exams - they seem quite unable to work on their own and yes I do understand the impact of school closures and no exams but the more I seem to do to support the catch up the more they seem to expect.
My own teenager trauma's through A-levels, uni and lockdown.
Younger staff and trainees carry some of these traits: persistent talk about mental health and workload, persistently expect all resources to be available and not contribute to creating them, expectation of all trainees that they will pass and if they are struggling it is my responsibility to tell them how to deal with it as their 'anxiety' is rising.

My friends probably think I am flakey as I am so exhausted I have no energy to do anything.😀

JohnPrescottsPyjamas · 10/05/2022 21:14

A lot of the issues of the last 2 years - and the fallout we’re still experiencing - isn’t because of Covid, it’s been peoples’ reactions to it, particularly the media. We’ve been so bombarded with terror and negativity it’s no wonder so many are struggling with MH issues and are frightened of returning to normal.

In order to ensure compliance, there was a campaign of fear by the authorities. I can remember being petrified for my family when Boris made the broadcast about projected deaths and tens of thousands of ventilators being ordered. I was even anxious going for a walk in case there were particles of virus floating in the air and I used to hold my breath whilst walking past others.

After a few weeks, logic started to kick in, I began to question things and regained a sense of proportion. Luckily, my DH is a voice of reason and he pointed out quite a few things that didn’t make sense in the official narrative. He was right. Whilst we were all being ‘good’, the very people making decisions about restricting our freedoms were doing their own thing anyway. DH told me at the time he knew they would be and it would eventually be revealed.

I’ve come to the conclusion that covid will do what covid does, irrespective of vaccines, social distancing, hand gels, masks, politicians, the NHS, the WHO etc etc. It will peak and trough whether you’re jabbed or not. Some will get it badly, some won’t know. I certainly will never allow myself ever again to be manipulated like I was in the first wave so in some ways, the pandemic has ultimately made me stronger.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 10/05/2022 21:14

ArcheryAnnie · 10/05/2022 21:07

I'm incredibly flaky and unreliable at the moment. I'm dealing with a really unpleasant autoimmune response from having covid twice, I'm pain most of the time, plus headaches, nausea and sudden, crushing fatigue. This list is not exhaustive. I'm terrified of getting covid again in case the third dose finishes me off, and this is not "anxiety", this is a rational, evidence-based response to how badly covid has affected me during doses1 and 2. I'm trying to hang onto my job through this. I tell people in advance how unreliable I am and reserve the right to cancel when I need to.

I'll tell you what, OP: I'm currently also ten times as flaky and unreliable with people like you than I am with my more understanding friends. I can accept invitations from them and turn up, knowing that if I need to quietly take myself off to a sofa for an hours' nap, they will let me get on with it rather than deride me for my lack of resilience. People like you, I have to be on top form.- and I very rarely nowadays am on top form. So I cancel on you.

But this clearly isn’t about you! Having a autoimmune illness isn’t being flaky and no one is suggesting it is.

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