To think everyone needs to get a bloody grip

[crochetmonkey74]

Lighthearted -I'm so sick of everyone being so flaky after the pandemic. Last minute cancellations, emails not replied to for far too long, friends being just all a bit wet about everything. Anyone else feeling totally fed up and want to tell everyone to get a bloody grip

Burnout is real and widespread. The cure for burnout is rest, not forcing oneself onwards.

After the rest comes revival.

Yes my brother killed himself last year and my daughter developed agoraphobia. What a cissy I am. I should suck it up like you!

Of course things happened. But never collectively. And as someone else said, never collectively with the additional traumatising restrictions

yes, I’ve lost both my parents. I suspect I was “flaky” for a while after that. But I was able to see my friends and family on my terms to get me through it. Not the governments terms.

And I didn’t ever used to worry about unknowingly passing a devastating virus onto vulnerable people. But now that sort of thing is in our consciousness. Which makes some people much more cautious than others.

The only cancellations with friends I’ve had was when the omicron variant first came about and a friend and I had been going to the theatre for a while again. She has an elderly mother and didn’t want to risk it. She had paid for those tickets but even if I had I wouldn’t have been upset with her as I fully understand her reasoning. Otherwise I am meeting up with friends as normal now, and only cancellations or changing dates are family related not covid

That's good advice. I've read a very small amount about toxic positivity but I'll look for more. It will of course take more time than my frustrated post. I do need to remember that

Well, OP, my teen is in an exam year. Modern language oral scheduled well in advance. Cancelled on the day. It isn’t just students who lack resilience. This kind of cancelling has become part of our culture. Regarding fixtures being dropped out of, sounds like kids being forced into stuff they don’t want to do.

💐

These teens are just doing what has been done to them.

oh please! I never said that related to answering emails! That’s a stupid comment!

it was a list of many reasons why people who used to be reliable might now be less reliable - don’t be dick!

Yes definitely about the cancelling not just being students. Our exam boards have been almost uncontactable this year

I think I'm probably one of those being flakey. I know I am, but my life has changed so much since Feb 2020 I am struggling to come out of my Covid shell. I think you might just need to give people time, chat with them on the phone if needs be, find out what's going on with them, what the barriers are to them meeting (in my case, being chronically knackered with two young kids, working from home all the time and having moved house further away during lockdown has changed how free I am. Also my kids got so used to my being around all the time that now every time I'm not around for a bedtime it feels like a big deal, whereas before Covid it was nothing.) It's not that I don't want to see people but I'm finding it hard. Try to relate to your friends rather than get exasperated, although I do see it could be annoying.

2 years is a long time and will take some people a while to feel safe again. Some still wear masks, some don't. Everyone has to repair at their own pace.
Think you should accept that.

@Tiredalwaystired sorry to be a massive dick but excuses are excuses. I wish people would just say they can’t be arsed sometimes. Why does everything have to be pathologised and labeled.

Oh and also I feel like I have some form of burnout. The past two years have left me so depleted, emotionally and physically, and I haven't suffered anything like others on this thread. I think parents of young kids have known a special kind of exhaustion.

Of covid taught me anything it was to be a better person. Less judgemental, more empathetic, understanding, realise that some people find things tough and not judge their reasons. Knowing that someone's response to my contact isn't usually about me.

Definitely annoying when it’s the government and businesses, my work uses it as an excuse too! I phoned up a company today, where covid was completely irrelevant and it said due to covid I’d have to wait longer in the queue. Pretty sure I’ve waited in the same queue for hours pre covid 🤦🏼‍♀️ Just say you’re shit and don’t blame covid!

wdym By ‘a bit wet’?
Theres no excuse for flaking, plenty of people CBA.
but after 2 years at home I personally prefer being here. I don’t flake tho. I just say no.

@fluffycereal this is exactly it. All this BS about resilience. Every last one of us is resilient because we are here. Still showing up. Despite how anxiety might now be a constant friend or how often depression is rearing it's ugly head showing up everyday to the best of your ability is resilience. This notion of just getting on with it and "stuff upper lip" is in my opinion toxic. The world and especially capitalist companies/culture want to deplete our resources (energy, health etc) so they make max profit. Saying no, this is my max is something that should always have been ok and not taken covid to force it to be that way.

The fact that people (and not just the billionaires profiting off our labour) are so anti this sentiment is shocking to me.

I personally have prioritised myself and my health because no one else was going to do it. Companies do not care, I put a lot of myself into my job and pride myself on doing great work but I will not push myself to the point of severe burnout for anything ever again!

If I'm not comfortable going to a gathering I'm not going. I would expect my friends not to judge or think I should just suck it up. They have no idea what exactly is going on in everyone's lives, these "excuses" could well be covers for more deeper issues.

Have some empathy and compassion and give yourself and everyone else some grace while we get through this, if the past few years have taught you anything it should be that.

I'm a teacher too and agree with OP from a school perspective. Amazing number of students who don't come to school ever or only rarely. Lots of students who can't sit in an exam hall due to anxiety and have to have other arrangements. Students have found exams stressful forever but haven't previously had the option to cite it as a reason to not sit in the exam hall, or as a reason to not come to school at all. I find it frustrating but I don't know what their circumstances are at home. It is hard to know where the line is between telling them to toughen up and making all sorts of allowances.

I work in a school and have been off sick with Covid since last week. It’s not been fun at all and I’d much rather be at work. I’m so pissed off.
What’s even more annoying is the thought that people at work might think I’m being flaky 😡

@fluffycereal Great stuff - unless it’s a zero sum game. The person being ignored/flaked/whatever has feelings too. Surely empathy also extends to the ‘flaked’ realising what impact their actions have?

I may not always feel up to it but my friends are important. So I make the effort. They’re not service humans for me to run to only when I feel like it, and otherwise ignore. A lot of us have our own issues, mental health or otherwise, but we all have the same understanding.

I think as a teacher, I am concerned about the lack of resilience.

I think the young people have been incredibly resistant.

It’s the adults who have spent the past 2 years moaning and arguing with each other.

Being flaky is completely unacceptable in any circumstance but I’ve found it’s the opposite in many cases - people have actually become more confident in putting their own needs first and re-evaluating their lives and what they really want.

Its amazing how covid means companies don't have enough staff in returns/ customer services but no-one in sales ever seems to get sick.

You sound really uncaring.

How did you cope when everything was turned upside down for two years in your childhood/adolescence? Oh, that's right, it didn't happen to you.

The kids I see are trying hard every day. It is the adults who tell them they are not trying hard enough that are the problem.

I know we are all sick of the word 'unprecedented' but it really was. It was so shocking and scary.

Teachers really should have been trained on the entirely expected fallout we will see.

Definitely not suggesting that everyone who is ever off is flaky. You were ill. This isn't what I was saying at all.
Lots to think about on this thread. I am definitely listening to what everyone is saying and considering it.
In terms of realistic problems with schools, it is an issue and like many PPs have said it will take time and understanding and grace. I guess I just find it frustrating, and concerning that young people think they can just drop out at a moments notice leaving others either unable to do it, or greatly inconvenienced (think group presentations/performances etc)