To want to confront my best friend

[Happyclapper18]

My best friend has suddenly cut contact by 90%. When I contact her she takes days to respond and makes excuses as to why she has no time to call or meet. I know that if I challenge her she will not respond so I feel my only choice is to let it go. This seems so sad as we were very close and had alot of fun over the years
Just can't think how best to react.

And another one comparing a falling out with death. You can be upset and even grieve your loss, but be thankful you have never had the misfortune of friends actually dying. When you do, you will see the deep loss for their family and children who have a hole left in their lives forever, you will recognise all the things they never got to do and feel pain that they will never know those experiences, and feel the dark pain of knowing you will never see them again. If you don't see your ex friend, they still live a full life and theie family still have them. Sadly one day you will understand that it is a different scale of loss and it is inappropriate to casually compare arguments with bereavement.

I agree @MRex

someone has decided they don’t want to be your friend is quite simply NOT the same as losing someone to an illness or a fatal accident

I’m not comparing anything. You can feel bereaved and grieve about the loss of a loved one who’s still alive just as you can about someone who’s passed away. Is it the same? No. It’s different.

As you now accept it's different, perhaps you can recognise why it was inappropriate for you to back up someone who literally said "it's like a bereavement", by telling me that I am "very limited in empathy", for explaining to them that it's different.

You can feel bereaved and grieve about someone who has decided they don’t want any more contact with you and bugger off?

well sure, someone can say I am bereaved and grief stricken because my friend has ghosted me - but I think most of us would regard the words of somewhat hyperbolic in the situation!

but you wouldn’t?

I echo that it's a good idea to hang back a bit. She might be very upset at something going on right now but not be in a position to talk about it just yet. In time she may contact you but perhaps don't make her feel pressed into responding. Hopefully she'll come back in her own good time.

You really are spectacularly aggressive. Of course you can grieve the loss of a friendship. A pet. A house you loved. Stop bickering on the internet over nothing.

Yes it's like a bereavement. In both cases they are gone from your life and you have to come to terms with that. But when people you love die whilst you have good relations with them then there is the loss, but the love hasn't deliberately been removed and so then there isn't the same feeling of abandonment, of rejection. It bloody hurts.

I had a lomg term friend ghost me last year after a misunderstanding and OMG the pain! Properly affected me for months. Thought I'd never see her again but got in touch 6 months later not expecting a reply but she did and were back on form now as strong as we ever were.

It's not the same as a death bereavement no, but can be equally painful in its own way especially if there is no closure or chance to talk. With the rejection on top too.

@MRex

apparently you are “spectacularly aggressive”
😂

I think even Mumsnet HQ would have a chuckle if your post was reported by as such!

AIBU to feel I'm being took the piss out of. Partner split from wife (prior to us getting together), wants to move in and pay me £200 month. He earns roughly £500 a week. I'm a single mom who gets tax credits and will lose £480 month because I will no longer be able to claim. Obviously I would be able to work more hours to compensate as he would be around to help with childcare. It just feels very imbalanced, what would you do?

Sorry^^ thought I was starting my own post 😫, useless at this

A friendship break up can be very painful so I understand why it’s described as like a bereavement. I’ve been there and yes it really did hurt. It’s more commonly used to describe the aftermath of a divorce/relationship breakup, however.

I’ve also recently had a good friend die of early onset Alzheimer’s, at age 64, and seen the impact on his wife (one of my closest friends) and their family. It’s really tragic and does make it feel hyperbolic to compare it with a friendship fallout.

I think you do need to be careful with your choice of words, as it will be triggering for a lot of people.

Ah, I see you like to be hyperbolic about everything. It appears you haven't seen many fights either.

@notagamer - I am at least spectacular, so I'll mentally edit it to that 😁

Cut ties sadly. You'll likely feel the loss for a while to come as she was clearly an VIP in your life.

Quite honestly, you’re coming across as utterly childish, and very very literal.

“like a bereavement” is a comparison about loss. Losing a friend is a loss that can be very painful if you’ve known them a long time. It’s like they’ve died. They’re gone. You miss them awfully.

Yes, it’s like a bereavement.

Hi there I have absolutely had this happen to me and I think it was because I said something they didn’t like. Something pretty minor but didn’t value our friendship enough to say so and put me right. I’m an open, honest, what you see is what you get person but others only like the bits that big them up. I’ve had so many flakey friends it’s been so sad. I’m wondering how things are going OP? I hope you got some answers. The never knowing what you did ( or didn’t do ) is emotional torture xxx

I had a friend who became really good mates with another of my friends. They both turned against me for no reason. One blocked me on fb.
the other I actually asked what was wrong and she launched into a rant of all the things I’d supposedly had done wrong. This was as she returned all the loving things I’d lent her and her kids !! It was a horrible dark time but I now can’t believe I was even friends with those people. I could have seen what type of nasty narcissistic people they were.