To want one room decorated in a less than a 6 month timescale?

[EmeraldSkies]

So annoyed. Every house I see on Instagram uncluttered, wallpapered perfection. How do these women motivate or get their partners on board because I doubt they are doing it themselves, what with childcare and careers! I asked my partner to start on our living room back at beginning of October. The wallpaper was removed and then progress stopped. In the build up to Xmas I waited and waited and nothing happened with the living room out of action. I had to move the furniture back into place on 23rd December and quickly rustle up a Christmas tree in a bare walled room as it was obvious it was not going to be completed. The room has stayed like that until last weekend, some 6 months after the project begun, when I put my foot down and said it's got to be done. Cue, furniture removed again. Had picked out a Farrow & Ball colour months ago, further moaning that it was a 'difficult paint to work with' and he wasn't going to use it (more excuses). Gave up and allowed a colour match with Johnstone's. Ceiling finally painted this weekend after saying it would be completed on the 2nd weekend dedicated to it (started at about 3pm today (Sunday)).

What I need to ask is: how do you motivate the other half to bother? And if you have a 'insta-perfect' house, how do you get buy-in from your other half to do the work? My DH just doesn't seem to care if he lives in a cluttered pit and any kind of home improvement is a massive drag and effort on my part to motivate and move him forward.

@FOJN thank you for saving me typing you said it all.

@EmeraldSkies if he's that fucking useless walk him to the front door, take away his key and say goodbye.

Or continue to indulge him, but don't whinge about the fact that your doing it. Your choice.

What @MrsTerryPratchett said. Then when I've cut in and got everything together we choose a day off and crack on. Obviously much harder with a child so stuff is done slower but it does get done. Together.

Precisely. The answer to the OP's original question (how do you motivate your partner to do jobs) the answer is: you don't. Partners are supposed to be exactly that: part of a partnership and he will be motivated to be involved because he's a functioning adult who does as he says.

That's it, really. You can't make him care. You have to decide whether you want to continue to live with a man who doesn't give a crap.

I've always done the decorating. What happens is I decide I want to decorate, tell DH and pretend to take his opinion into account, then go and buy the stuff and crack on! I'll ask him to paint any high up bits but that's about it! It's not just opening a tin of paint though, you do have to prep and I would also suggest a mood board to make sure everything goes before making any purchases.

I think people offering decorating advice need to read the OPs posts.

OP doesn't want to do it. Her DH said he would and has done next to nothing. He also does nothing else to help, nor does he contribute financially. Painting a room is the very least he should do. She shouldn't have to. She shouldn't have to be doing half of what she is doing every day without any support.

This isn't about decorating. This is about a freeloading waster DH. And if OP got rid she would quickly find out she has skills she never knew she had.

Your anger and shitty replies should be aimed at your useless husband, not MN.

Taking him out of the picture as he clearly won't do it, you either find time and learn how, or pay someone.

Dh and I both decorate. It certainly takes more than one day as our house is old, and we have a toddler, and work.
But it’s a constant task of doing something regularly.
Ds has finally gone down for a nap, so I will do second coat of fence painting today in a minute.
All weekend dh and I have tagged teamed looking after child with sorting out home renovations.

I find it really shocking and disappointing in this day and age that you have sat there for six months and not done anything about it yourself! It is you that wanted it doing so get it done.

I don’t think my husband would notice if a room needed a touch up or complete redecorating, I am the driving force behind that. In the last twelve months I have repainted the main bathroom, second reception room, kitchen and even kitchen cupboards. DH helps out with some places I find hard to reach and also edges as he has more patience than I, so at times we are both working and complete it as a team effort.

Maybe you wanted another man bashing thread, but it is your attitude that stinks here.

My attitude? Wait..... sorry I'll continue to pay all the bills. Unbelievable. I've already said I will do the decorating myself? 500k mortgage on one salary? No problem. That's how I've got to where I am today. So not sure why the continued abuse. Anyway got to go. Farrow & Ball paint to buy on one salary remember! Can't be chatting all day!

You’re the one married to a sponger you’re not happy with. If you earn everything and do everything what’s the point of being with him?

Hi OP

I think people responding aren't always reading your updates.

In light of the info that he chooses not to work, seemingly without your agreement and still leaves you to do everything at home, while he smokes with another deadbeat, of course he should be doing the decorating.

But given that he doesn't do anything else that he is supposed to do, then I guess it's not much of a surprise.

I'd be questioning whether you want to stay in a relationship with someone who is happy to sit by and see you take on all of the emotional, financial and practical load without wanting to help. It genuinely sounds like your life would be easier without him in it

How about you tell us what you want us to say, OP?

Your DH should definitely be either be doing the decorating or freeing you up to do it by taking on everything else. All agreed.

Can you force him to do this? No. Not really. You haven't managed to tackle the imbalance in your contributions up until now. He has been allowed to leach off you for years and give nothing back. Why would that change now?

Your financial situation is terrible and a burden on you. You need him to contribute and pull his weight. I don't think anyone has disagreed. Lots of posters have said he's a useless waste of space.

What do you want us to say?

🤦🏽‍♀️ You need to grow up and stop blaming EVERYONE else for your own choices

I don't understand why you're with him? It doesn't sound like you like him at all (and I can see why, he sounds dreadful) and you manage to do an awful lot yourself without contribution from him.

Would you not be happier without him? He sounds like dead weight dragging you down!

My DH doesn't care if we live in a tip either OP. He doesn't do any of the DIY, I do. I decorated my DS bedroom in 2 days, I did my bathroom in 1 week. I just booked time off work and did it whilst the DC were at school. Never rely on a man.

The fact that your husband is a deadbeat who spends his time drinking and smoking while you work your arse off isn’t the fault of anyone on here, and we can’t do anything to change him. You’re taking your anger out on the wrong people.
Of course he isn’t going to decorate your house… he does absolutely nothing else, so it’s not like he’s suddenly going to become ‘Mr Grafter’ because you want the walls painting, is it?
My advice? Ditch the cocklodger and paint your own walls.

Solidarity, OP. Mine is like this

We have a decorator. We’ve just had DDs room done in a week which included re-skim, painting, new carpet, new shutter blind.
My DH does all structural work as he’s in the Trade but for decorating we use BILs brother who is a painter.

Emeraldskies you must be a troll. Everything you say is a cliche. Women & DIY/painting. Milennials and housing....

This

OP I feel your pain. I also feel annoyed when my dh says he’ll do something then never finishes, it does bring resentment even if I have to finish it off. It is easy to say do it yourself or hire in the professionals but you shouldn’t have to as he promised to do it and it is a partnership.

I think you’ve been given a hard time about drip feeding. As you said not everyone has great self esteem and perhaps you didn’t see how one sided your relationship is, so I can see why it wasn’t included in the original post. The general consensus that he is a waster may well be correct (you do not say why he left his job or if he is having problems finding another). I do hope you look at the bigger picture here, your relationship and try to work out something better for you. In the meantime, get the decorating done by some other means.

Okay everyone I'll do it - I certainly haven't got to where I am without hard graft and tackling projects no matter how horrible and nasty the people around me have been. The question now is: should I break off and serve him cold beers whilst I'm in the middle of the work? Because he really would be blind to see what was wrong with that. And what should I do about childcare? When my child is tugging at my clothes because his father is busy ignoring him, smoking with his deadbeat cousin?

You ask him to leave your house, maybe he'll have your child once every couple of weeks. When he does you decorate. Then you sit in the house you decorated, with a big smile on your face because it's all yours. After I got divorced, I saw those jobs as a big kick towards self-efficacy. Now I have a nice DH who does more than half. Because I vowed never to put up with that shite again.

My dh would do it all but ya know, he has childcare and a career to deal with.

if you want it done you do it OP. I’ve always been the one to paint and decorate as dh has zero interest in it. If it was down to him we’d still have the magnolia walls from when we moved in 12yrs ago. He’s good at putting up a shelf, but I’m has no patience for painting.

No mention of your DH not pulling his weight elsewhere, until the responses didn’t go as you expected. Funny that always happens.

And Farrow & Ball is widely considered crap paint, no decorator would use it.