To want one room decorated in a less than a 6 month timescale?

[EmeraldSkies]

So annoyed. Every house I see on Instagram uncluttered, wallpapered perfection. How do these women motivate or get their partners on board because I doubt they are doing it themselves, what with childcare and careers! I asked my partner to start on our living room back at beginning of October. The wallpaper was removed and then progress stopped. In the build up to Xmas I waited and waited and nothing happened with the living room out of action. I had to move the furniture back into place on 23rd December and quickly rustle up a Christmas tree in a bare walled room as it was obvious it was not going to be completed. The room has stayed like that until last weekend, some 6 months after the project begun, when I put my foot down and said it's got to be done. Cue, furniture removed again. Had picked out a Farrow & Ball colour months ago, further moaning that it was a 'difficult paint to work with' and he wasn't going to use it (more excuses). Gave up and allowed a colour match with Johnstone's. Ceiling finally painted this weekend after saying it would be completed on the 2nd weekend dedicated to it (started at about 3pm today (Sunday)).

What I need to ask is: how do you motivate the other half to bother? And if you have a 'insta-perfect' house, how do you get buy-in from your other half to do the work? My DH just doesn't seem to care if he lives in a cluttered pit and any kind of home improvement is a massive drag and effort on my part to motivate and move him forward.

I think you want us to be as angry with your DH as you are.

Frankly, we can all see he is a useless waster. Doing nothing and leaving it all to you is not ok. Yes, he should have at least decorated if that is a job he agreed to do.

The problem is larger than this, though. How has he got away with contributing nothing for 2 years? Surely you have had serious conversations about this before now?

Me and DH decided he'd book 2 days off work to repaint the lounge - the days were blocked off and we wrote in the calendar "repainting lounge"

Isn't she doing enough?

Your posts are genuinely painful. "But I'm a millennial priced out by boomers and it's all the fault of the patriarchy and you're all brainwashed misogynist meanies!!" Its like millenial bingo and you're making us look pathetic.
Crack on and do it yourself. I've just completely redone our bathroom. Researched what I needed to do and used a lot of YouTube tutorials. I also have 4 kids running about, before you start the "yeah but childcare" rant.

I'm a millennial as is my husband and we both renovated a house while working full time and having had no previous experience. I prepped and painted the whole house.

I wish this thread was as non-drip as the tins of paint in my shed.

My ex hated decorating. So he did the childcare and I decorated. I could do a room n a week, whilst also working full time - kids in bed, 2 days to strip wallpaper, 1 day to clean and prep, 2 days to paint. Obviously longer if they needed replastering, and then to paint the woodwork etc. But it is very doable. I got about 3 hours per evening if DH did kids bedtime and made tea.

I'm now a single parent, so have less evening time when the kids are with me, but still do a room in a few weeks.

If a room needs considerable work, then it will take longer, but that's because I'm waiting on tradesmen, or waiting for plaster to dry etc.

Thanks @MissusMaisel - at least someone gets it. 😥

Okay everyone I'll do it - I certainly haven't got to where I am without hard graft and tackling projects no matter how horrible and nasty the people around me have been. The question now is: should I break off and serve him cold beers whilst I'm in the middle of the work? Because he really would be blind to see what was wrong with that. And what should I do about childcare? When my child is tugging at my clothes because his father is busy ignoring him, smoking with his deadbeat cousin?

I'm a millennial. I am on my third house. All 3 have been serious projects. I have used youtube to teach me most stuff. I fitted a previous kitchen, I sand and paint and strip wallpaper. I patch walls up (pay for whole replastering though). I do basic electrical work such as changing or adding a plug socket, putting up light fittings. I also work full time and have 2 kids.

You don't have to stay in the relationship. He's a shit lazy cocklodger. Why are you putting up with it?

So we go back to the point that this is not about decorating at all. It's about your marriage and the attitude of your husband.

Why is he allowed to behave this way? Where are his consequences. He is totally taking the piss and you are more worried about the decorating.

@EmeraldSkies you are being utterly ridiculous.
Countless posters have said this to you but you're just not listening .... THIS IS THE LOFE YOU'RE CHOOSING TO LIVE!

So either change it (kick him out) or suck it up.

But you've only got yourself to blame for the choices you make.

To all other posters that have tried to help/advise this woman ..... there's a brick wall over there if you'd like to bang your head on it some more!!

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Ok. so it now sounds like you just have a crap husband. Why are you with him? What does he bring to the table? His lack of decorating skills and motivation appear to be the least of the issues.

You’re gaslighting and being pass agg here. You’re right - this room should’ve been done ages ago but it’s not and you have way bigger problems than an unpainted living room. Ditch the lazy deadweight!

Let the older women of MN mother you.

Leave this deadbeat. Your self-esteem will immediately improve.

The question now is: should I break off and serve him cold beers whilst I'm in the middle of the work? Because he really would be blind to see what was wrong with that. And what should I do about childcare? When my child is tugging at my clothes because his father is busy ignoring him, smoking with his deadbeat cousin?

Well you're choosing to be with him so I'm sure you can work out your own answers?

I'm sorry you have a shit husband, you are not unreasonable to expect him to do things he promises to do and to expect him to actually contribute to the household.

You are unreasonable to act like you can't do things because you're a woman and a millennial. You are capable of more than you realise. Number 1 should be cutting loose the dead weight that is your partner and working on your own self esteem.

Focus your anger where it belongs. Your H is useless.

It doesn’t sound as though he brings anything to this relationship. I would tell him you are seriously fucked off that he won’t do one single task when you are doing the bulk of everything else and that he needs to grow up or you will be separating and selling the house. then buy a new(er) build and it will be as opening a can of paint and slapping it on.

and yes people with nice homes probably do work as a team. Not mummy and manchild.

You are getting angry at the wrong people. Perhaps aim that at the useless deadbeat partner instead.

Your life, your choice.
P.s...I hate decorating, so I'd rather pay someone to do it. Fortunately my partner loves painting so I don't have to!

You've chosen to be with this lazy waste of space husband and procreate with him. Forget about decorating and spend your money in getting some counseling to build up your self-esteem. Then, kick him out, get divorced and only then, think of redecorating

@EmeraldSkies typical behaviour of women brainwashed by a patriarchal society

You are the only one brainwashed here with your woe is me my husband is awful and I can’t paint as I’m a woman - you do know you are the one choosing to be with him. No one is forcing you. You’re not even dependent on him financially as he doesn’t work. Honestly your posts are laughable. Cop on, ditch your crap DH and paint the room or pay someone to do it. I’ve never heard so much rubbish from a poster bleating on about other women being brainwashed and the patriarchy while actively choosing to indulge a man who is a total waste of space and a stereotype of a useless husband and father!

You don't sound very nice at all.

You claim you can't decorate because you're a millennial woman which is bizarre. None of us were born with DIY skills, most of us learned out of necessity and many of us before the internet was even a thing. Apparently suggesting you should be able to learn because you don't hold a paintbrush with your vagina makes us handmaidens of the patriarchy!

Despite not knowing anything about decorating you assume we all live in new builds because we just can't understand how much more complicated decorating an older house is. The older house it has taken you so long to buy because older people....

You have tried to make random MNetters responsible for your partner's critical behaviour if you try and don't do a perfect job or our words on screen will cause a domestic?

You have ignored all the posts suggesting perhaps the problem is less about the undecorated lounge and more about your lazy freeloading partner. Nevermind it's your parents fault you have such low self esteem.

Do you have any agency to change your situation or are you always a victim of circumstance? Your partner's behaviour is unreasonable but you won't stop feeling so put upon until you stop putting up with that shit.

Cut the emotionally manipulative, pass agg bull and ask yourself if this is how you want to live? If not then forget the lounge for now and make a plan to fix the bigger problem which is both your useless partner and your own attitude.

I don't ask my DP to do it I do it. Women can do DIY you know even more complex stuff that paining a wall. Some of us can prep a wall and you won't believe it even more complex stuff like building power stations!