To want one room decorated in a less than a 6 month timescale?

[EmeraldSkies]

So annoyed. Every house I see on Instagram uncluttered, wallpapered perfection. How do these women motivate or get their partners on board because I doubt they are doing it themselves, what with childcare and careers! I asked my partner to start on our living room back at beginning of October. The wallpaper was removed and then progress stopped. In the build up to Xmas I waited and waited and nothing happened with the living room out of action. I had to move the furniture back into place on 23rd December and quickly rustle up a Christmas tree in a bare walled room as it was obvious it was not going to be completed. The room has stayed like that until last weekend, some 6 months after the project begun, when I put my foot down and said it's got to be done. Cue, furniture removed again. Had picked out a Farrow & Ball colour months ago, further moaning that it was a 'difficult paint to work with' and he wasn't going to use it (more excuses). Gave up and allowed a colour match with Johnstone's. Ceiling finally painted this weekend after saying it would be completed on the 2nd weekend dedicated to it (started at about 3pm today (Sunday)).

What I need to ask is: how do you motivate the other half to bother? And if you have a 'insta-perfect' house, how do you get buy-in from your other half to do the work? My DH just doesn't seem to care if he lives in a cluttered pit and any kind of home improvement is a massive drag and effort on my part to motivate and move him forward.

I accept that these things matter more to me than DP and crack on with them myself. DP feels guilty I am doing all the work and mucks in usually (not always)without being asked. Why have you not done it yourself OP? It clearly matters to you and would have been done by now. We had decorated 4 rooms in our house in the first 6 weeks.

@EmeraldSkies maybe if you came on here and explained the full issue people may have been more supportive.

As it is, you've offended women from your very first post, gave very little context and then got angry no aggressive towards everyone.

Maybe have a look at that eh?

I decorated my first place in full as a heavily pregnant 16 yr old with no help including woodwork, ceilings, walls. You can do it!

I painted be study but all other rooms we paid a decorator. Dh hates decorating so I’m not going to make him do it anymore than I want to do it. We prioritise saving to pay someone as part of the decorating budget.

You were and are being supported, people telling you that you can do it, believe in yourself. You didn’t say at the beginning he hadn’t worked for two years - that changed the narrative exceptionally.

you seem very angry but if you were truly honest with yourself it’s not with the people of mumsnet it’s a partner who doesn’t appear to share the load with you…..and probably angry with yourself from being a smart capable woman and putting up with a man who lets you carry the mental, emotional financial weight

Go to your library or on eBay and get one of those huge reader's digest DIY books. They tell you how to do anything, decorating, tiling, changing plugs etc. Then get rid of your partner and you're sorted.

I don't think people have been unsupportive at all.

Being supportive doesn't mean agreeing with everything or saying what you want to hear.

You didn't put all the pertinent information in your OP (OH being off work for so long and you doing everything else yourself), so it did just sound like 'I can't do the decorating because I'm a woman'. People are going to try to empower you not to limit yourself like that - that's supposed to be supportive.

Now there is more information, we know that your OH is a lazy, selfish waste of space and that is a WHOLE other matter.

Just watch some YouTube videos and do it yourself. It isn't hard and those of us who don't have partners end up doing it ourselves or hiring someone if we can afford to. Why be so reliant on a partner. If he missed the first deadline you should of got on with it yourself or hired someone. I can't believe you left it that long.

Prepping is something you could of done if its a bit of sanding or filling in.

If the wall was already prepped it takes one day to paint a room if you start at 6am you can get one coat done, a few hours to dry and come late afternoon you can do a second coat.

Bloody MN - I typed a huge post and the page refreshed.

So I’m going to bullet point

• Your drip feed has affected the responses you’ve got.
• I’m a millennial with a Vagina with a 150 year old listed property - we have 15ft ceilings and more wood than is necessary. YouTube is your friend and has taught me everything from putty-ing windows to lifting floors.
• If your DP is a proper SAHD then as the person who wants a newly decorated room you should do it. If he’s a cocklodger the. You have bigger problems.
• We viewed an insta house and quickly discounted it, in part, because the finish was awful including a brand new kitchen that was the flimsiest I’ve ever seen. We’d have to rip out everything that was brand new and replace. But, it looks great on insta. Don’t believe everything you see.

I can see why you're annoyed with him and maybe this is the straw that breaks the camels back as they say...but equally appalled that a smart young woman with a lot of drive as you sound like you are ....has accepted being some 50s stereotype wifey...

You're a young smart and driven....don't put up with this shit....resentment is a relationship killer....even ignoring the decorating sounds like you are doing way over 50% of the household stuff and all the mental load...
Wifework might be worth a read..

He hasn't done the painting as he doesn't care what u think and is a lazy git...or he's not done it partly done it to piss you off.... neither very good ...

You can do better...

As a millennial you have strangely 1950s attitudes.

What is this patriarchy nonsense you keep spouting?

Posters have been supportive. Just not in a 'give you a hug' way. The advice has been practical. If you want decorating advice go on YouTube.

If the real problem is your lazy, critical DH then I think that giving him some ultimatums and sticking to them will do your self esteem a lot of good. If that results in you booting him out and having to do the decorating yourself then the YouTube advice still stands.

Not a drip but a torrent of other info and emotional blackmail.

You’re in the life you’ve chosen. Either accept it or change it.

Decorate yourself or pay someone to do it.

And don’t be so snippy with people trying to help you, it’s really annoying.

You may find that if you just start he gets so huffy that he sweeps in and takes over like what happened with my ex once

Or you may find you enjoy it

Well we both have careers and share the childcare so we crack on with stuff together.

Generally speaking I do all the house DIY, maintenance, he does the garden.

We both strip & prep rooms for decorating. He paints and I hang wallpaper.

But if I wanted something doing that badly I'd just crack on with it. He either helps or watches the kids. 🤷

I think using the patriarchy as an excuse for your useless DH is ridiculous! My Dad taught me to decorate, change light switches etc. and if you don’t know how to then use YouTube, you’ve got bigger issues than the decorating so maybe look at that rather than drip feeding and having a go at people.

The support you are getting is to get on with your life

He was allocated the decorating- healthy none patriarchal relationships discuss and agree

you are accusing us of having a typical behaviour of the patriarchal society, while you have mentioned yourself that you cannot do certain things because you've been told that "you are a woman" and you cannot do them right. Well, I do hope you don't have daughters.

For what it is worth, I did buy a Victorian house when I was 30 years old, and I scrapped the multiple layers of wall paper, removed carpets and painted. All that, while working full time, looking after a toddler and studying. The difference is that my then H did the same. Your husband is useless, and you are enabling this.

I'm on Instagram, I do all the decorating myself.....no way would I trust my partner with a paint brush, especially if I want it done properly. I only tend to ask for help if i need to move something or possibly drill something that is too high for me to reach. I work too, so i tend to prep in the evenings then do the bulk of the work at a weekend. last year i repainted all the kitchen cupboards, i'd do one a night once my son had gone to bed.

Dp sounds hopeless tbh and I would consider the relationships future before worrying about decorating. Your self esteem sounds low ''messing things up', but look what you have achieved in life with your studies and you are working, raising dc and have a manchild to deal with.
Cut the dead wood out first and work with what you have left. Having been a single parent with a large family I learnt pretty quickly how to budget, decorate and run a household single hand, it was a case of having to. It gets easier as you go but it can be done. Work at your own pace and take as long as YOU need to sort things out.,

How does he get to choose not to work for two years? I'd say it's your turn now to stop working and have a 2 year break while he does everything.

EmeraldSkies ·
Because it was argued that it was more than just painting. It was prepping of the walls and priming and sanding. Not sure if all of you are in new builds (?) but those of us who have purchased 100 year old houses have a bit more work to do than just 'opening a tin of paint'!

our current house is our newest, it’s 116 years old. Our first was a Norman church conversion.
I’ve always done all of the decorating. It’s really not that difficult.

Totally off-topic but I'm now giggling at the mental image of a man brandishing a paintbrush, holding it by his massive flappy penis!

sorry but to tell dh to do a load of work after a week at work himself seems unfair, why would he want the exact same level of cleanliness/unclutteredness as you? your version of perfect doesnt sound like his and i dont think its fair to expect his weekend to be his second job

Me and DP don't like decorating, so we hire someone to do it (luckily he has a friend who is a professional, which I appreciate not everyone would have access to).

He did our living room in January, and it was done within a week, including all stripping, decorating, electrics and getting the new furniture in.

It takes all the stress away, and didn't cost us a huge amount of money either. Absolutely would recommend.

Possibly about as unfair as quitting your job and not having a contingency plan to pay your half of the mortgage and bills for two years? My heart bleeds for him having to lose 1 weekend this year but perhaps he'd collected 104 prior to this?