To want one room decorated in a less than a 6 month timescale?

[EmeraldSkies]

So annoyed. Every house I see on Instagram uncluttered, wallpapered perfection. How do these women motivate or get their partners on board because I doubt they are doing it themselves, what with childcare and careers! I asked my partner to start on our living room back at beginning of October. The wallpaper was removed and then progress stopped. In the build up to Xmas I waited and waited and nothing happened with the living room out of action. I had to move the furniture back into place on 23rd December and quickly rustle up a Christmas tree in a bare walled room as it was obvious it was not going to be completed. The room has stayed like that until last weekend, some 6 months after the project begun, when I put my foot down and said it's got to be done. Cue, furniture removed again. Had picked out a Farrow & Ball colour months ago, further moaning that it was a 'difficult paint to work with' and he wasn't going to use it (more excuses). Gave up and allowed a colour match with Johnstone's. Ceiling finally painted this weekend after saying it would be completed on the 2nd weekend dedicated to it (started at about 3pm today (Sunday)).

What I need to ask is: how do you motivate the other half to bother? And if you have a 'insta-perfect' house, how do you get buy-in from your other half to do the work? My DH just doesn't seem to care if he lives in a cluttered pit and any kind of home improvement is a massive drag and effort on my part to motivate and move him forward.

Just roll your sleeves up and get on with it OP. The last time I checked, a penis wasn't one of the tools needed to decorate a house.

Any problems, just check one of the thousands of YouTube tutorials.

Good luck.

Nice drip feeds. But sure, you can’t paint a wall because the boomers ruined it for you 🥺. I promise your womanly curves won’t get in the way of stripping wallpaper 🙄

Should I allow my partner to just sit and do absolutely nothing around the house though? I love it how some of you have turned the blame to me - typical behaviour of women brainwashed by a patriarchal society - yet it's entirely okay for me to work a full time job, do a long commute, study for a masters to try and improve our lot, do all the household admin, clean, cook, educate kids. The point of this is that one task was allocated to my partner to do. In the past, other tasks have been allocated, small administrative tasks like child passport renewals, and they were left and left and left until we were endanger of losing a holiday because they were not done. But thanks for causing a domestic.

It sounds like you have bigger problems than a room not being painted.

OP
That was quite a drip feed- that he doesn't work, and you already do everything.
Why are you still with him?
How did mn cause a domestic? Your posts have a bit of a dying swan element to them. Are you generally quite stressed?

I do ours. Not the most recent full renovation of the ground floor - as that came with a decorator. But the dcs rooms need doing and I’ll be doing it. DH Will want to buy just hasn’t got time.

I mean neither do I really. But I can make time one weekend.

you tube is your friend. Look for relevant videos.

If you allow your partner to do nothing to help with family life then that's a completely different issue to one room not getting painted and one hell of a dripfeed.

I've always done my own decorating and it looks fantastic. I dont hang very expensive wallpaper, I get someone in for that but everything else I can do. You don't need a penis to decorate a room.

I do myself. Stop moaning and crack on!

You doubt woman are doing it , Why ? Loads of woman decorate their own home. After waiting all this time you could have done it yourself

Nope but you are blaming the wrong people and conflating two things.

You are just as capable of decorating the front room as a man is.

The fact that you're in a relationship with a lazy cocklodger is a separate thing.

Kick him out. You'd be amazed how empowering it is.

I think OP is getting a bit of a hard time for not doing it herself, but if her partner has said he will do it, but hasn't done anything for 6 months, then its not really on her to do it for him!

OP I would be telling him that if he doesn't want to do it you are happy to step in, but he absolutely has to do the rest of the daily chores and childcare for that weekend, its not an excuse to sit around doing nothing at all.

As to how these people get it done with work and kids, I expect they pay someone! Or one of them is 'good' or a professional at DIY. My partner and I have just done the bathroom, tiny amount to prep and paint, and its still taken 2 weekends instead of 1. I prepped and did the first coat, he did the second coat and is resealing the bath. Neither of us are very practical and I thought it would be a good trial run but now I'm thinking anything bigger may need a professional.

Having rtft, you are unreasonable on at least 3 counts.

1. Believing Instagram is real
2. Not thinking you can do the decorating yourself
3. Blaming MN for your useless partner. We didn’t make that choice for you. You’re taking your anger out at the wrong people.

Great reference/inspiration for all things DIY when you don't know where to start: thecarpentersdaughter.co.uk/

I think the decorating is a bit of a red herring though. WTF is your partner doing with his time? If you are the sole bread winner, then why the hell are you also the one doing all the chores and childcare?

You mention that you would get abuse for trying to decorate and not getting it right. Would that be from your partner?

What exactly are you getting from the relationship with him? What does he do to support you?

And all this by a man who chose not to work for two years.

You know your issue isn't the wallpapering right?

Get him to look after the kids for the weekend while you do it. I agree with him about F&B paint. Paint & Paper Library is way nicer to deal with and has similar subtle colours.

How to motivate your OH to decorate? Don't live with a useless bag of shite. You seriously need to throw some ultimatums about and mean them. He shapes up or ships out. You don't have to live with this, exactly what is his role and responsibilities in the house?

Sounds like you need to get rid of your partner tbh

get a quote from someone if aren’t confident in what to do but to be honest YouTube is your friend here and then just crack on and give it your best go

I'm a woman so I've always been told I 'won't do it right'. But, yes, I am tempted to take over and risk messing it up just to have it done.

Well he’s a man and it looks like he ‘he won’t do it at all’! There’s a real difference between an instaperfect house and having to live with stripped walls indefinitely. I think you’ve answered your own question with ‘my DH just doesn't seem to care’.

The decorating is not the issue here.

You've been given some good advice here OP but I don't think it will help you because it seems there is not a single problem in your life you haven't found someone else to blame for.

Suggesting you do the work yourself is not supporting the patriarchy but tolerating a partner who makes no financial or practical contribution to the household is. Get rid of him or accept this is the life you are choosing to live.

You are just as capable of decorating the front room as a man is.

Exactly. And everyone who has ever done it has had to do it for the first time. You’ve not said what ages your kids are but the hardest thing is to do it with small kids around. The advantage of hundred year old houses is the rooms tend to be small - no enormous through lounges! If you need to paper rather than paint, it always works best with 2 - one to paste and one to hang!

So you’re married to a work shy, selfish man and it’s everyone else’s fault - ok.

@EmeraldSkies

How is the fact you have a lazy and feckless partner our fault?

You do everything and seem to detest him so what’s the point of the relationship?

No, YANBU to expect him to pull his weight but YABU to act like there’s no solution.

Your OP has no information other than you want a room decorated and he’s not doing it. It’s perfectly reasonable to say ‘do it yourself then’.

You then drop in how useless he is. Seriously? What do you want? You can either put up with it or not but that’s about it.

If he’s not inclined to work and hasn’t for over 2 years then why do you think he’ll change?

Abuse from who?

if your husband is abusing you, get help and leave. If this is about your husband not wanting to decorate, but you want it to get done, then you do it. If he says he’d do it better, point out that he didn’t do it at all.

my DH hates decorating so I tend to do it-he says I’ve done a good job and it looks fabulous though-that’s the difference!