To want one room decorated in a less than a 6 month timescale?

[EmeraldSkies]

So annoyed. Every house I see on Instagram uncluttered, wallpapered perfection. How do these women motivate or get their partners on board because I doubt they are doing it themselves, what with childcare and careers! I asked my partner to start on our living room back at beginning of October. The wallpaper was removed and then progress stopped. In the build up to Xmas I waited and waited and nothing happened with the living room out of action. I had to move the furniture back into place on 23rd December and quickly rustle up a Christmas tree in a bare walled room as it was obvious it was not going to be completed. The room has stayed like that until last weekend, some 6 months after the project begun, when I put my foot down and said it's got to be done. Cue, furniture removed again. Had picked out a Farrow & Ball colour months ago, further moaning that it was a 'difficult paint to work with' and he wasn't going to use it (more excuses). Gave up and allowed a colour match with Johnstone's. Ceiling finally painted this weekend after saying it would be completed on the 2nd weekend dedicated to it (started at about 3pm today (Sunday)).

What I need to ask is: how do you motivate the other half to bother? And if you have a 'insta-perfect' house, how do you get buy-in from your other half to do the work? My DH just doesn't seem to care if he lives in a cluttered pit and any kind of home improvement is a massive drag and effort on my part to motivate and move him forward.

What exactly does this man do, @EmeraldSkies? He is coming across as lazy AF.

The last time I decorated, DS was about 18 months. I told DH, he either picked up the paint brush, or looked after DS for the weekend.
He chose to look after DS.

You have a weird attitude. Of course women can decorate and do DIY. I'm renovating a 100 year old house, I work full time and have a child. I don't understand who is giving you abuse over it but that is your real problem.

If you really want to learn, YouTube is great for how to videos.

If your oh is home then yes, he should have been decorating! I painted my entire house by myself last year (3 bed, not a mansion!). My dh hates decorating - he did one ceiling though because I felt it didn’t look right and he’s tall so doesn’t need a ladder.
I couldn’t care less if he thought I’d done a bad job if he wasn’t willing to do it himself. I don’t love painting, but I love the feeling of satisfaction at the end.
Have a go! Also, F&B paint is a dream to paint with.

From you posts it sounds as though the house was purchased on your salary alone (if he wasn't working until January).

As others have said you have more significant issues than your undecorated living room and seem to have married a man who is happy to ride on your coat tails whilst making no meaningful contribution.

You need to speak to him and give some firm words of advice about what has to change. In terms of the room either get him to do childcare and jobs for a weekend whilst you do it, he does it to an agreed timescale or you pay someone to do it. There's no point moaning about him on here. If he's brazen enough to sit about for two years leaving you to do everything he won't care about what a bunch of MNers say.

Oh and we aren't slaves to the patriarchy as all the initial responses will show. In fact people were empowering you to get on with things rather than waiting for a man. The difficulty was that the initial post didn't suggest that there was such a problem.

Hi @EmeraldSkies, Millennial here with a 200 year old house. Always been in rented before that, even when young, so no experience even hanging a picture. When I moved in there was no DH even on the scene. How do you think things got done?

You have two issues here, the main one being a partner who you feel is not pulling his weight, with decorating or otherwise. And the second appears to be a confidence/effort issue with doing things yourself. Tell your partner to watch the children, sort the dinner or whatever and just have a do. Choose a good paint in an easy colour to start and get it done. Unless you live in a giant place you’ll get it done in a weekend (and yes, I am allowing for tall ceilings, having to sand and prep, masking, etc. since I have done all these things myself).

It's not difficult! I learnt myself in my first (old Victorian house). I've decorated all the houses I've lived in, and some other people's bathrooms for cash too. It's just as easy for you to do it as your husband.

Ensure you give your daughters great self-esteem so they don't date useless men because they feel they can't get any better.

I know that, have done all this myself. My mum did it before me. It's not difficult, time consuming and our house is 200 years old

We get a bloke in to do ours. Neither of us has the time or energy to do the prep work.

It sounds like MN bloody well should be "causing a domestic" if by that you mean inciting a major upheaval in your relationship and/or LTB. But if by that you mean that you painting a wall is likely to lead him to get aggressive or hit you then clearly you needed to LTB a while ago.

I think you've got the patriarchy thing back to front and upside down.

People aren't saying you should do everything because that's what women should do. People are saying 'of course being a woman doesn't mean you can't bloody decorate' but by the same token, your OH having a penis doesn't mean he can't look after the children, do the household admin and the cleaning either.

Some men get away with doing fuck all because some women enable them. Stop enabling him. He pulls his weight or you get rid. So many men pull this shit.

I'm stealth teaching my dc that they shouldn't let anyone into their lives unless they add something good to it. Sharing your life, bed, financial security with a partner is always risky. It has to be worth it (and not even in a finance sense).

It's not our fault you're angry with your partner, and it's not our fault he's not worked or helped out around the house in years either.

You're taking your stress out on the wrong people.

My advice would be to ditch the partner and do the decorating yourself.

I'm just so used to being slammed and told I can't do anything so when I attempt this and I get abuse I hope you will all be so satisfied.

You clearly CAN do lots of things as evidenced by the list of tasks you already carry out. You are very capable! However decorating isn't a simple task and if you haven't done any previously your first attempt will not be up to scratch, and that's perfecly normal. Is your DH able to do a professional job or is he too an amateur?

Yes, decorating an old house is more than just slapping a coat of paint on. As my DP and I discovered on buying our house about 13 years ago. The bedroom quickly ended up being stripped down to just bare bricks due to crumbling plaster beneath the wallpaper, and even then we had to 'repoint' the mortar. When that was done, we decided not to attempt plastering as it would have been amateurish and a professional can do the job really quickly - so that's what we did. Then we painted the room ourselves. Wall papering ain't easy either so we haven't done any of that!

Why is your DH not working, is he suffering from mild depression? That might account for why he isn't able to do any tasks he's set. He should not be having a go at you for being useless as that's clearly a lie!

Your partner is the problem, the fact he has done nothing for two years and you paid for everything is why you are so annoyed this is so much more than about decorating.

I do all the stripping and prepping then pay for someone to come in a decorate

How do these women motivate or get their partners on board because I doubt they are doing it themselves, what with childcare and careers!

What the actual fuck did I just read??? 🤬

Or pay some else to do it.
He doesn't want to do it, doesn't care or has no confidence.
Get that out of the way and start sorting out the other inequalities in your relationship.
Don't think IG is real life.
Good luck.

Fucking hell, why are you wasting your life with this loser? It boggles the mind.

Your partner is the problem. And it isn't the fault of anyone posting here. Get rid of him if he makes you this miserable

My husband couldn’t live in a half decorated house. But we both decorate clean and cook. We are also both millennials with our own bussiness’s and children. In an older house.

I have learnt to decorate from my parents as he did. But it sounds like there is more going on in your relationship then decorating. maybe look at councilling. Also to blame other women for the downfalls in your relationship is awful.

If you read it again I wasn't. I was just shocked at how supportive other women are of other women. But that has always been the design of a patriarchal society. Maybe Mumsnetters should ask questions. Most academics do to elicit further what is unsaid.

I’m a single parent working full-time. I fully decorated my living room including paper and paint in a week around work. It’s doable - the chaos for the week and then the getting back to normal for another week isn’t the end of the world. I’m also working my way through the rest of the house - there is no one to do it for me - and since a penis is not needed to hold a paintbrush, it doesn’t need a man…

Split up and sell the house?

It sounds like you have bigger problems than having an undecorated room.