To think dp should contribute to my dc?

[Cocopogo]

Been together three years, don’t live together, recently got engaged, DP recently bought his own place.
Since we got engaged I’ve been talking about us being more like a family. DP is avoiding this. He clearly doesn’t actually want to get married but proposed as I was considering walking away through his lack of commitment. Today he’s made a big fuss that started because he drove me to my house and I’d forgotten my key so had to drive me back to his and started moaning about fuel costs and I reminded him that I do all the driving except for Saturdays when he drives and he then went on how when we go out for meals he pays for 3 people (me and dc) and I pay for 1 (him) even though we both pay for 4.
Basically see’s my dc as not his responsibility. I pointed out that he earns over twice as much as me and we have similar outgoings except I pay for everything else for my dc except you be meal a week which we alternate.

Even as I write this it all seems petty to me but he was so annoyed. Should he contribute to the DC or should it always be separate?

I agree with the others, they aren't his kids so he shouldn't be responsible for them. However, if you get together with someone who has kids and three years plus an engagement later he is nit picking over the price of ride back to his place or a meal out then I would be questioning his long term commitment.

Don't marry him until you are on the same page re finances. As your boyfriend a fairer way to split meals out with your kids is you pay for 2 for every one he pays for. But seriously have a chat with him about the future.

If they're not biologically his children, then no, he doesn't HAVE to contribute.

But I'd ask myself questions about staying in a long-term relationship with a man who won't even buy my kids a meal...

There's no future for you and your children with this tight git. Move on.

He's most likely got an exit strategy. He was fine with no entanglement, but it sounds like you've become more of a bother than he's willing to put up with.

Most likely you suited him fine when their was no financial/legal/heavy emotional commitment.

Not your fault, but I wouldn't expect a happy ever with this man.

So your children’s father doesn’t contribute (which is only acceptable if he’s dead) but you think your partner should want to pay equally for your children?

if your ex is alive, I’d suggest a CMS claim as your next step.

If he doesn’t live with you, then he won’t see you as a ‘family unit’.

On one hand it's not his child so why should he be paying for someone else's child and on the other he's knowingly got into a relationship with someone he knows has children so should expect to pay for things for that child otherwise he will come across as selfish if he doesn't

This post is full of contradictions.

“He realized what he’d lost” as if this is the best thing that’s ever happened to him but you don’t even live together and then “find someone who wants the same things as I do” as if this is going nowhere.

“I am fussed about being a family unit regardless if our living situation”. You will never be a “family unit” if you’re not living together. The living situation is crucial to this. That’s why he does not feel he should pay for things - you’re two separate households.

“He’s ready to commit” - your posts suggest he exact opposite. He’s got his own place and is in no rush to move forward. He doesn’t see you and your children as his family. What exactly is he ready to commit to?

I couldn’t be in a relationship, much less contemplate marriage, like this. The constant totting up of who had paid for how many meals is exhausting. Are you saying that if he spent more money on your children everything would he perfect? Sounds like you just want the money, not the man.

What a load of tosh😂

OP, chuck this one in the bin. He doesn’t want your children, just to get a leg over from time to time by the sounds of it. Some people are happy living like this even with biologically shared children, but clearly you are not one of them. Your children need a guy who will at least be fond of them. This miser doesn’t feel anything positive for them, they deserve better.

OP, I'm in a similar situation as you, but not engaged through my choice and my partner pays half towards bills including half of day trips and meals etc. I also receive maintenance for them from their dad, which my partner knows goes towards my bills.

My partner likes to join in so we are a family group. He also earns more than me so doesn't want to be a cheapskate to me and my DC. My DC respect him and we all have a stable and positive relationships. Your set up does not sound stable.

Why don't you claim maintenance from their father?

This

He's doesn't sound like he actually wants to be with you.

Disagree. He wants to be with OP enough that he proposed to keep her, even though he clearly doesn't want to get married.

He doesn't sound like he wants her kids though, which is different. Equally as big a problem for the OP, but different.

Theyre YOUR kids
Not his

You sound like you are looking for a guy to financially support you and YOUR kids.
And you sound entitled.
Please end this "relationship "

It doesn't matter which way two people set up their lives as long as they are both happy with the arrangement. You're obviously not happy - and nor is he.

Personally, you are neither married or living together so he isn't responsible to pay for your kids, however it's no hardship for him to pay occasionally.

I've been with DP for 3 years, won't marry and live separately. I don't pay for his kids and he doesn't pay for mine. But we are both happy with that.

Far from being "a load of tosh", as @MrsBlaue puts it, this is absolutely spot on in every single regard.

It sounds as though blending your life with him will not be of financial gain and will bring a world of stress. Complaining about fuel costs and the odd meal for your kids is not attractive.

Sorry, I don't think that you're compatible.

You're not even in a stable , loving, long term relationship and you're both 'nickel and diming.'

To be honest it sounds like you just want someone to support you and your children. Why do you want to be with him rather than any other màan?

You don't live together

They aren't his kids

YABU

It's irrelevant that he earns more. If he was the woman in this "set up" he'd be advised to run a mile

Your DCs are not his responsibility unless you get married. He isn't keen on getting married.

I'm afraid that the fact that he earns twice what you earn doesn't really make any difference. If he isn't keen on supporting your DC, in fact even complains about it, why do you really want to marry him?

Do you hope he will change once he has been bounced into getting married ?

OP, how do you actually see this panning out? You say you are "fussed about being a family unit" - but why do you want this with a man who clearly doesn't want the same thing?

Tbh he does not sound like he is in love with you,loves your dc or really wants any commitment to you.
walk away and raise your bar,he is not good enough for you or dc.