Friend is coming to visit me - she invited her boyfriend, without asking me….

[TooManyAllergies]

She was supposed to stay at my place for the weekend.
The bf is pretty new thing, I’ve met him once.

Now I have bad history with men and I have a boundary that I don’t want men in my appartment.

She went and asked him if he wanted to come along for the weekend, he said yes, but I was never asked.

Now what do I do?
I know she’s going to be upset if I tell her not to bring him.
She’s always been very boy crazy.

I'd cancel the weekend and not invite her again.

It's not relevant how nice the bf is or isn't. She had no right to invite someone else to stay in your home. His presence will, as we all know, completely change your weekend. Unforgiveable.

Yes, sadly this is true, OP. You had some good times together, but she's not a real friend because she honestly doesn't care how you feel.

That's awful! I have no issue with men and still wouldn't want them to come together. It's just not going to work as a three.

Be firm and tell her no. She obviously doesn't get a hint and is very thoughtless so you need to spell it out to her.

No way could I cope with an uninvited man in my home. You are completely within your rights to refuse to host him. Her reaction tells you if she is a real friend or not.

Well done on being assertive,you did the right thing!

it's very odd. Do you think she's trying to ''help'' you??????????

She thinks you're going to have some big breakthrough where you realise that your boundary was not necessary and you're really grateful to her.

Stop lying to your mate and stop letting this eat away at you. My barometer is always- am I willing to pay to rectify a quandary (what's that saying, something like, paying to keep someone away from you). Will you put them up or pay for their accommodation? Which are you most comfortable doing? Both are a loss to you!

She has already told her friend she isn’t happy to accommodate the boyfriend, @Coffeemummy123 - but if she hadn’t, why should the OP pay to sort out a quandary that isn’t of her making? She invited her friend - she didn’t invite the boyfriend - her friend did that - so surely it is up to the friend to resolve the problem she created?

She's being very cheeky. Tell her it's just her, no apologies. Tell her she didn't ask and if she has asked it would have been a no. She has no right to expect you to accept her b/f just because she decided to invite him without asking your permission.
Be strong. Just say no.

Just because they're a big part of HER life it doesn't mean she can overlook YOUR views or YOUR wishes. It's YOUR home and no matter how she tries to big him up he wasn't part of the invitation.
Well done 💐 for taking the first step in marking your boundaries. It will become easier over time and can be said kindly. Anyone who disagrees has a problem.

You think OP should even consider paying for a hotel for her cheeky mate and boyfriend?! Are you for real?

I would not want a stranger in my home. I'd say no to him suggest a hotel instead.

There is literally nothing in this to benefit you. Stop being a doormat, why is she worth it? You need to start respecting your own boundaries otherwise how can you expect others to?

Just tell Her, She needs to know, it’s not being fair on you.I agree, with the other comments here, just be like, we’ll rearrange then and catch up and have a girlie weekend another time.The ball is in your court😉

I once invited a friend on holiday - I was taking my two DDs to Italy for a couple of weeks and thought it would be nice to have some adult company for part of it. She accepted on behalf of her and her BF 🤦🏼‍♀️ I didn’t have the heart to say actually no…just you. He came. It was not a great experience at all. I’d never let it happen again….

Hey Mumsnet Admins - why was the entire post of mine (that quoted another) removed and yet other messages below mine that also have a quote in them, only have the quote part deleted???

Woah, well done op. I don't have a problem with men but if I had invited a friend to stay I would not like her to bring her boyfriend! Completely different dynamic! And in a new relationship when they're all lovey dovey it would be so uncomfortable. But if they can't see each other often then rearranging a weekend when she won't see him sounds best

Totally understand.
Can you just un arrange, something like, So sorry somethings come up will need to reschedule another time.
That way no upset.
Then if/when you do, say lets just you and me do this...

It was sorted days ago

If your friend knows how uncomfortable you are around men then she should never have asked him. Tell her straight that you only invited her and not her boyfriend, a true friend would understand (a true friend wouldn't have invited him in the first place!!!!) or you could always phone her a couple of days before that you've tested positive for COVID.

You might want to read the thread Kevanski

OP sorted it out a couple of weeks ago. The date of the proposed visit has long passed.