Friend is coming to visit me - she invited her boyfriend, without asking me….

[TooManyAllergies]

She was supposed to stay at my place for the weekend.
The bf is pretty new thing, I’ve met him once.

Now I have bad history with men and I have a boundary that I don’t want men in my appartment.

She went and asked him if he wanted to come along for the weekend, he said yes, but I was never asked.

Now what do I do?
I know she’s going to be upset if I tell her not to bring him.
She’s always been very boy crazy.

Not the OP's problem to fix. And not the likeliest explanation of OP's friend's behaviour either, from the information given.

Just tell her no. Your house your rules. If you aren’t comfortable having a man you don’t know in your home then that’s perfectly ok, she just needs to learn. If she is a good friend she will get a hotel or come without him

"Boy crazy" sounds familiar. Have you posted about this friend before?

Your choices are

1. say nothing and have an uncomfortable weekend
2. say something, keep your boundaries in place and let friend make her decision as to whether she will still come
3. lie and say you are ill before they head off to you

For some reason I don't expect you to choose option 2.

As you find it difficult to stand up to her, for whatevever reason (no judgement), and obviously aren’t comfortable with a man in your home, then I think that you have just tested positive for covid haven’t you? 🤔

I agree with you @Nesbo.
Are you a Jo Nesbo fan BTW?

This!

Yes, I was reading one when I picked the name.

I panicked when it came to thinking of something so ended up a bit like “Catchphrase” - say what you see!

Alright, I took your advice, mustered up all my courage and texted her clearly how I don’t want a man in my home - even her bf and how we had planned the weekend to be just us.
There was a little back and forth how he’s a nice guy and I should trust him and how it would be nice time to get to know him better.

I kept reading what pretty much all of you said, to stand my ground and be firm, so did that and it ended with her saying she really wants to spend time with him (they live pretty far apart and don’t see very often) and pretty much canceled our weekend.

One of you said she’s planning on using my place as a shag pad, I guess you were right.

Thank you for all of your comments, I honestly thought I was being U and was really suorised by the comments.
I guess I learned I have still work to do with my boundaries.

Thanks again.

Good job OP. I hope you have a nice weekend. It's a shame your friend has been such a disappointment and let you down but you did really well standing up to her.

Well done. Sorry your weekend has been spoiled.

The thing is, she’s going to be mopey and don’t want to listen if I say no.

She's not a friend. She's a user.

Thing is, what are you going to do about it.

"Never make someone a priority for whom you are only an option"

Well done op.

Well done 💐

Well done OP for not backing down.

I've learned over the years that the more you stand your ground the easier it gets to keep on doing it.

It's a shame she's not coming but the weekend would not have been the weekend you were looking forward to anyway if the bf was there.

Find something nice to do without her.

Well done OP. I hope that when this comes back to mind over the weekend you feel good about standing your ground.

Well done for putting yourself first! Do something nice or treat yourself during the time she was meant to be there.

Ah, good for you.

Btw at this stage she has no idea whatsoever if he's safe or nice or ok or whatever. She had no business trying to inflict her new relationship and boyfriend on you in your own home.

Well done OP that must have taken so much courage- I honestly don't mean that to sound patronising, more I know what it is to suck up the less desirable outcome for fear of rocking the boat.

So good on you !! 👍🏻

Well done OP 👏

Good for you OP. Shocked that she cancelled but her loss!!

One of you said she’s planning on using my place as a shag pad, I guess you were right

Ew, yuck! Why can’t he just stay at hers/her at his?!

Wow she’s no friend!

Did you reply saying why can’t she spend time with him in different days?

I think she either lives with her parents so wanted to use yours as a shag pad or she didn’t want to cancel outright so made you do it first.

Well done OP.

She is a CF. How dare she tell you that you 'should' trust someone just to make her life easier?

And she admitted that she wants to spend time with him...so you would have been total gooseberry. Her weekend with him...at your apartment.

I hope the friendship resets but with stronger boundaries and understanding. If she is a good friend, she will agree to meet some other time under different circumstances, and in time you can meet her bf in a restaurant or whatever.

However, friends who always prioritise every new man as soon as he appears can be flaky as friends. As we all know. Time will tell.

Well done for saying no.
It does sound as though they were going to use the weekend at yours as their date, in which case she can fuck right off.

I’d reply, “Why on earth would you make me a gooseberry in my own home anyway?”

she’s a cheeky wagon to push the point with you after you said no. She doesn’t have your best interests at heart.