Friend is coming to visit me - she invited her boyfriend, without asking me….

[TooManyAllergies]

She was supposed to stay at my place for the weekend.
The bf is pretty new thing, I’ve met him once.

Now I have bad history with men and I have a boundary that I don’t want men in my appartment.

She went and asked him if he wanted to come along for the weekend, he said yes, but I was never asked.

Now what do I do?
I know she’s going to be upset if I tell her not to bring him.
She’s always been very boy crazy.

‘The thing is, she’s going to be mopey and don’t want to listen if I say no.’

If this is so, she is NOT your friend.

Good for you. She wasn't really coming to visit you, she sounds very self obsessed.

So glad this is now sorted.

This is not acceptable behaviour for most people.

Most would find this really rude and presumptuous.

Most people would not accept this and cancel the weekend.....indefinitely.

There is a "type" of "friend" that does this.

Certainly not good friends that are in your life for the long haul.

So glad you enforced your boundary.

She was very rude to do this.

It sounds to me as if your friend has not yet learnt to value herself and her friendships. Bad mistake imo.

Well done OP for your assertiveness!
Your friend was very rude to assume you'd be ok with her boyfriend coming...without even asking and especially knowing your history
Be proud of yourself

I think you said upthread that her into-boyfriends-ness is part of her personality- I think that's a sign that her esteem is lower than you think.

We can't pick our family but we sure as heck can pick our friends and most of all who sleeps in our house. A person who invites sb else to another person's house without asking first and then makes you feel bad about it is better off out of your life.
She's young and hopefully she'll come to her senses, grow up and apologise. If she's a good friend you can meet years from now and it'll be like you've never been apart. Otherwise, when you feel bad about it and miss her, tell yourself that people who behave like that usually end up asking for stuff/money/clothes/etc and then never return it because they have zero boundaries and just don't know where to stop. So you've actually saved yourself from (future) problems and grief. Don't look at it as a loss but rather as having kept your dignity and self-worth intact. You took a stand as only strong people do.

I am with you OP. I don't allow any strage males into my home. Ever

The thing is, she’s going to be mopey and don’t want to listen if I say no.

And this is a problem because...?

Learn to shrug, and practice saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way, hun".

If her breach of your boundaries turns out to be a dealbreaker for her then you need to find other friends.

Simply use the excellent wording suggested by a PP - "Let's rearrange the girls' weekend for some other time then, love ya, xoxo"

Too late!

Well done.

I second the Anne Dickinson book recommendation.

I would tell her that wasn’t the arrangement, you invited her! I think she’s a CF

For goodness sake don't make an excuse, or put up with it. Phone her now. Tell her that she has really shocked and upset you and ask how she could have forgotten that you don't have men to stay.
Much better to talk about it than to exchange texts. Just be honest. If she is a real friend then she will apologise and sort it out!

oh grow up - he's not 'living with you', he's coming with his girlfriend.

It is clearly inappropriate for her to have invited him without asking first but maybe you weren't so clear about the invite. I assume they live together.

It's a weekend, put your big girls pants on and look forward to having a lovely weekend with them both.

Are you ok? You sound over vexed and triggered by an internet stranger? You could've saved yourself a lot of hassle by RTFT..

You're aware (or maybe you're not) that under the OP's first post at the top of the thread there is a hyperlink that says "See All" and it gets rid of all of the 'noise' on the thread and only shows the OP's posts?

Perhaps you should use the link so that you don't have to post such a horrible post to the OP once the issue has been resolved.

Just a thought like.

Are you a bully in real life too or just on the internet?

So much for sisters before misters!!
Imagine you trying to sleep in your own home with them in the spare room. . Grim.

If she is your friend she will understand your not wanting a strange man coming to & sleeping at your apartment. You invited her not her & her new other half!
If I was invited to stay at a friends I wouldn’t just bring my partner along & we’ve been seeing each other for 7yrs. He would stay home with our child, if it was the weekend, & child would come with me or stay at my mums if it was during the week.

I mean... I think you're projecting pretty heavily there.

OP has set boundaries and stuck to them - exactly what you're bizarrely accusing her of not doing.

She set a boundary to herself of no men in the flat. Her friend was going to challenge that boundary. OP then shared the boundary and stuck to it.

Then you had a little rant at her and projected your mums issues on to an entirely unrelated situation.

This is why you should bother to read all of an OP's posts before commenting, to avoid looking silly or unnecessarily mean spirited.

I often find as nice as friends BFs were they weren’t really interested in you. Thats what always makes these things worse.
I always remember friends insisting their BFs came to meals etc and they would be pleasant enough but would mostly ignore you.
even worse in your own home!

So she knows you’re a doormat, she didn’t even ask if it would be ok.

You can’t beat around the bush with people like this? You don’t know OP from a tattie in the field!
Sorry your mum is so entrenched in her dynamic but in this case, the OP has stuck to her guns.

Just cancel the whole thing and tell her you will make it some other time.