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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hope Amber Heard is lying?

192 replies

roadsweep · 06/05/2022 13:31

Otherwise it's just another abused woman that's not believed.

OP posts:
Momicrone · 06/05/2022 21:28

They are not both equally abusive given one would be the other in a physical fight

Momicrone · 06/05/2022 21:33

*beat the other

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 06/05/2022 21:35

I've read both suits. I suspect there is a fairly large degree of truth in both, and also that both are likely exaggerated to exonerate themselves and make the other look worse.

Neither is an 'innocent' victim. Both likely abused each other. To the myriad protestations that there is no actual footage showing him beating the shit out of her (how surprising) there's similarly no footage showing her doing likewise to him, but somehow the latter scenario has become the accepted version in the eyes of the vox pop. Nor has the question seriously been raised that if he so often had addiction-fueled blackouts, how come he's so certain he never hit her?His lawyers were anxious to shut that one down yesterday with objections, it was interesting to note.

He came across terribly in the parts of his testimony I saw. As for hers, if even a fraction of her claims are true he's a sadist. If she's lying or vastly exaggerating, she's a monster, and has actively hurt victims of DV everywhere. If the truth is somewhere in the middle, they're both appalling but he loses.

The media and social media witch hunt against her are horrible: a truly damning indictment of the way society views women and misguidedly reveres 'handsome' privileged men. For some unfathomable reason, people once thought Andrew Windsor was all shades of wonderful.

The 'We Love Johnny' and #TeamJohnny BS is an embarrassment. #TeamAmber? Well of course, there isn't one.

fortysomething8 · 06/05/2022 21:42

To me these are 2 incredibly damaged and toxic people. My guess is when they were a couple in a good place, the relationship was probably amazing. But when it turned shit, they were both violent.

The result of 2 narcissists coming together, it just becomes dangerous. Both as bad as each other and neither one of them will look good at the end of this. I am slightly worried for Heards daughter being a young child. I hope she has good people around her growing up.

REignbow · 06/05/2022 22:09

Initially I thought that it was a very toxic relationship, fuelled by addition etc etc.

But, after watching the case my self I am a little Hmm

She’s been proven to be a liar (the donations/the covering of said injuries with make up that wasn’t even for sale at the time)

She’s admitted to hitting him and said no one would believe him.

The times he is supposed to have hit her (on the back I think), there are photographs of her at an event (wearing a low backed dress) with no injuries.

The Dr and nurse who saw both of them in Australia, didn’t report the horrendous injuries that she claims he gave her…

If she is a liar and has fabricated events on the most part, she really has wronged all those who have suffered DV and abuse.

I’m still unsure.

jeaux90 · 07/05/2022 00:09

FGS people he has already been found GUILTY of abuse in the 2020 trial!!

QueenCamilla · 07/05/2022 00:32

@Lachimolala I’ve had an almost identical experience, from the being followed whilst having a meltdown (adhd) to saying something similar (oh go on then who will believe you) while he was baiting me that he was going to tell everyone I was the abusive ‘psycho’ one.

Me too! And I have Adhd as well.
My ex used to keep me awake talking obscenities next to my ear for hours and hours on end to make me snap.
Eventually I'd cry and scream at him to piss of and call him all the names back.

When I eventually called the police, he straight away suggested they go and speak to the neighbours to see who had they heard screaming. Me of course...

QueenCamilla · 07/05/2022 00:35

A and J's relationship clearly was toxic. I wouldn't know to tell if Amber was an abuser. Johnny definitely was. But it's a mess all around.

Overthewine · 07/05/2022 00:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Overthewine · 07/05/2022 00:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Josette77 · 07/05/2022 01:19

She has admitted to physically abusing him.
She has been arrested for domestic violence before.
Why is she automatically the victim?

WilsonMilson · 07/05/2022 09:46

Indicatrice · 06/05/2022 14:22

@WilsonMilson

Well, I’m not a bot (as my long mumsnet history will show) and I believe Amber is quite clearly the instigator of physical abuse in this case. I think you will find, if you look on any social media platform, that the vast majority of people agree with me.

I'm always astonished at the 'well, lots of people agree with me' argument.

As if it matters what random plebs think? It's the court who decides.

Of course the court decides, who’s disagreeing with that? I was clearly demonstrating to the poster who claimed that only bots were posting support of Depp, that their assertion is clearly untrue given the widespread genuine support for him on social media.

Why you would have assumed my statement implied anything other than demonstrating that support for Depp is not merely bot based, rather it is genuine. I mentioned nothing about the court. Honestly, sometimes I think people set out to be antagonistic on Mumsnet.

MarJau26 · 07/05/2022 09:47

Josette77 · 07/05/2022 01:19

She has admitted to physically abusing him.
She has been arrested for domestic violence before.
Why is she automatically the victim?

Because she is a woman and must be believed at all costs.

Bednobsbroomsticks · 07/05/2022 10:12

My ex used to abuse me physically but always only enough never to leave marks. Very occasionally I would get them. Mainly fingertip marks around my arms. No one had any idea.
The fact people say also she recorded everything apart from the physical abuse...when you are being attacked you can't just whip out your phone and say sorry love just hold that punch till I press record....ridiculous

He was always abusive he just pays very well and people shut up. He just met his match in AH and both off the scale mad.

The psychiatrist who testified against AH spent hours at a so called interview at depps House, dinner and wine. OK love.

They should all be done for lying imo

Wuwu84 · 07/05/2022 11:02

This trial is a defimation case, therefore AH only has to prove any form of abuse either verbal, emotional and physical on only one occasion In order to win, she only has to prove on one occasion JD in guilty and this has led to him losing money.There have been numerous text and recorded voice files which have shown JD to be abusive to AH on serveral occasions.

From a person who has years of experience in mental health, I hate how the prosecution witness decided to diagnose AH with BPD without ever meeting her, BPD is very difficult to diagnose and can be very easily confused with PTSD and is very irresponsible to diagnose this.

I not saying that AH has her part to play in this and has overacted her testimony, I believe there is still truth to her testimony

Agrudge · 07/05/2022 11:17

QueenCamilla · 07/05/2022 00:35

A and J's relationship clearly was toxic. I wouldn't know to tell if Amber was an abuser. Johnny definitely was. But it's a mess all around.

The clear evidence and her admitting she hit him isnt clear enough for you to tell shes an abuser?

Gennz18 · 07/05/2022 11:33

The question of whether Amber is an abuser is irrelevant.

the question is whether she was telling the truth when she described herself as a victim of domestic abuse.

I’m appalled by the coverage of the case. As if Hollywood has ever had an issue with domestic abuse. Will Smith assaulted someone in front of the academy and 5 minutes later they gave him
a prize and everyone applauded.

MarJau26 · 07/05/2022 11:33

Agrudge · 07/05/2022 11:17

The clear evidence and her admitting she hit him isnt clear enough for you to tell shes an abuser?

No she's a woman. She's innocent.

QueenCamilla · 07/05/2022 11:58

Agrudge · 07/05/2022 11:17

The clear evidence and her admitting she hit him isnt clear enough for you to tell shes an abuser?

I poked my ex in the chest (ie "laid my hands on him" ) and on a different occasion kicked him numerous times on his legs when he was holding our baby up in the air away from me and all I wanted was to take the child to the hospital as an acute emergency.

I did do those things. But there was only one abuser and that wasn't me!

If he ever taunts me, he often asks for an apology for "that time that I kicked him".

So yeah, I don't throw words such as abuse around lightly. Unlike some on here.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 07/05/2022 12:03

Gennz18 · 07/05/2022 11:33

The question of whether Amber is an abuser is irrelevant.

the question is whether she was telling the truth when she described herself as a victim of domestic abuse.

I’m appalled by the coverage of the case. As if Hollywood has ever had an issue with domestic abuse. Will Smith assaulted someone in front of the academy and 5 minutes later they gave him
a prize and everyone applauded.

I agree that the coverage in the media makes frightening reading. And sadly, we've seen it all before. Your final paragraph outlines the real, broader social issues whose ugly, horrible colours are having a bright spotlight shone onto them by this case. It's an imbalance of power; inherent misogyny in an overwhelmingly patriarchal society. Look at the hatchet jobs the media has done on: Lindy Chamberlain, Joanne Lees, Meghan Markle, Lily Allen, J K Rowling, Rebecca Adlington, Peaches Geldof, Beatrice and Eugenie Windsor, Heather Mills, Diana Rigg (she dared to ask for a pay rise putting her on an equal footing with her male co-star) Lily James ... add names as desired ad naueam, you'll find many, many more.

Look at the names used to describe those women. Homewrecker, whore gold-digger, doesn't-behave-like-a-victim, liar, slut, mercenary, bandwagon-jumper, attention-seeker, drama queen. How often do you see the same descriptives used for men? Even insulting language is more taboo when it refers to female rather than male anatomy. Compare 'prick' and 'cunt'.

Of course, none of this is relevant to the case unfolding. I'm not immune to the fact that it also informs my own bias, given the potentially catastrophic effects on women should Heard lose, in a society that's already more comfortable with women as out-and-out liars than men as abusers. He's clearly abusive. She just as clearly - been proven to have - lied about critical issues. She might be telling the truth about some of it, but doubt has been cast on her own credibility as a witness. I don't thank either of them for the disservice both have done to victims of sexual and domestic violence.

In the end no one cares what I think. It's what the jury thinks that matters, and without all this outside context they have one question to determine. Did Heard defame Depp when she described herself as a victim of domestic abuse? And of her countersuit: did Depp use the court system to try to stalk and humiliate her, and is he guilty of orchestrating a smear campaign against her? As far as both suits are concerned, I think it's only the latter point that's in question.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 07/05/2022 12:04

No she's a woman. She's innocent.

With respect, grow up.

DontBlameMe79 · 07/05/2022 13:08

Who knows what actually happened but the whole thing is comedy gold. Can’t get enough of Johnny’s texts for example. Just brilliant entertainment.

newnamethanks · 07/05/2022 13:11

And you're hilarious too. I'm sure you've made everyone on this thread roll about laughing. Are you always so obtuse or do you have to practice?

DontBlameMe79 · 07/05/2022 13:20

newnamethanks · 07/05/2022 13:11

And you're hilarious too. I'm sure you've made everyone on this thread roll about laughing. Are you always so obtuse or do you have to practice?

You know you love it too. We’ve all been gawping at it like rubberneckers passing a motorway crash. 🤣🤣🤣

Agrudge · 07/05/2022 14:47

QueenCamilla · 07/05/2022 11:58

I poked my ex in the chest (ie "laid my hands on him" ) and on a different occasion kicked him numerous times on his legs when he was holding our baby up in the air away from me and all I wanted was to take the child to the hospital as an acute emergency.

I did do those things. But there was only one abuser and that wasn't me!

If he ever taunts me, he often asks for an apology for "that time that I kicked him".

So yeah, I don't throw words such as abuse around lightly. Unlike some on here.

So why do you assume that's what she is doing and not what hes doing?

You read all the time on here "she can be abuser and abused at the same time"

I dont think I've read the same being said about him. I may of missed it though

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