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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hope Amber Heard is lying?

192 replies

roadsweep · 06/05/2022 13:31

Otherwise it's just another abused woman that's not believed.

OP posts:
BeyondPurpleTulips · 06/05/2022 15:36

Sniffypete · 06/05/2022 15:32

But BeyondPurple you are putting your own experience on that. My experience of DV is vastly different. I wouldn't have dared to answer back or respond in that way.

I understand that not every DV victim will respond the same, I am just saying that her responding that way does not prove she is lying about him being abusive.

Responding with any of the trauma responses (ie fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop) would be entirely natural, I am just explaining it as someone who did respond in the same manner as AH.

Bagelsandbrie · 06/05/2022 15:36

BeyondPurpleTulips · 06/05/2022 14:51

I sarcastically said similar to my abusive alcoholic ex, shortly after he tried to strangle me, then when I was upset and anger he tried to claim I was abusing him.

As someone who has lived through a very similar relationship to AH, her story is entirely plausible to me. Recordings and all.

Living with an abuser who messes up your view of reality has a septic effect on your sense of self and your behaviour - you become reactively abusive and goady.

I was an autistic woman (yet another form of unreliable witness, not unlike AH's alleged personality disorders), being followed around the house being shouted at as I was melting down, begging for space to calm myself down while he kept on at me. When cornered I would lash out, and he'd use that as evidence of how I was the abusive person.

I'm not trying to use my bias by saying she is definitely telling the truth - just that her version is entirely plausible to someone who has lived it

That is similar to my own experience too.

roadsweep · 06/05/2022 15:38

Timeson · 06/05/2022 15:25

I was a bit on the fence so far. But I’ve just seen the video of him trying to walk towards her when she came off the stand and he had to be stopped.
She seemed genuinely terrified and he was laughing, something about that clip put shivers down my spine

He didn't notice her until the last minute and she massively overacted? That's how I saw that

OP posts:
malificent7 · 06/05/2022 15:41

Both awful.

Indicatrice · 06/05/2022 15:45

roadsweep · 06/05/2022 15:38

He didn't notice her until the last minute and she massively overacted? That's how I saw that

I don't think he had to be stopped or that he was laughing. However, I don't think Amber 'massively overreacted' either Hmm

She recoiled after seeing the man she says abused her walking towards the dock., that is not massively reacting, she didn't scream or shout.

Timeson · 06/05/2022 15:53

roadsweep · 06/05/2022 15:38

He didn't notice her until the last minute and she massively overacted? That's how I saw that

He was walking towards the witness box that she had just been stood on giving evidence

jeaux90 · 06/05/2022 15:55

I believe her, as per the previous case shows.

Lachimolala · 06/05/2022 16:02

@Waxonwaxoff0 Hahaa! Thank you! Big Jimin fans in our house 😂

anon2334 · 06/05/2022 16:03

Sign of the times. Narcissistic abuse can make the other one look like the abuser and they are the victims! Unless both are narcs and toxic together. So difficult . Narcissism is a toxic type of abuse and the narc is so clever at hiding their mask.

Knittingchamp · 06/05/2022 16:16

She physically abused him, has a history of being physically abusive with at least one other and has been diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder. She's lied a lot. She secretly recorded him for evidence yet at no time was there any physical abuse recorded. Police said there was no evidence of physical abuse when they came either. Given that she's abusive herself, I don't have sympathy for her. That doesn't mean I have any positive feelings toward Depp, either.

Ducksinthebath · 06/05/2022 16:28

Very few people seem to realise than mental health difficulties are more likely to make you the victim of abuse rather than a perpetrator or someone fabricating allegations of abuse.

A civil court has already found to a substantial degree that the allegations she has made are true. That remains the case regardless of her behaviour towards him.

His turning things into a circus is very telling. Also very telling that despite previously appearing very close with his children they seem very much estranged now. If the allegations which touch on his conduct around his daughter are even slightly accurate he’s a disgusting individual.

Bagelsandbrie · 06/05/2022 16:53

Ducksinthebath · 06/05/2022 16:28

Very few people seem to realise than mental health difficulties are more likely to make you the victim of abuse rather than a perpetrator or someone fabricating allegations of abuse.

A civil court has already found to a substantial degree that the allegations she has made are true. That remains the case regardless of her behaviour towards him.

His turning things into a circus is very telling. Also very telling that despite previously appearing very close with his children they seem very much estranged now. If the allegations which touch on his conduct around his daughter are even slightly accurate he’s a disgusting individual.

I agree with this.

I didn’t like the way he turned up to court yesterday with Bob Marleys “war” playing full blast and stepping in with a smile. He’s enjoying the media attention and the fact people are turning against Amber H and you can see it. Very childish.

DressingGownofDoom · 06/05/2022 17:05

'I didn’t like the way he turned up to court yesterday with Bob Marleys “war” playing full blast and stepping in with a smile. He’s enjoying the media attention and the fact people are turning against Amber H and you can see it. Very childish.'

Yeah he gives me the creeps. All that smirking and when she came down off the stand and he walked towards her it looked like he was squaring up to her! I think he doesn't even care if he wins he's just brought this case to terrorise her even more.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 06/05/2022 17:10

FourTeaFallOut · 06/05/2022 13:56

Yes. The hope that she is lying is the only thing that makes this entire circus palatable. Otherwise what we have is an abused woman being torn apart at the behest of her abuser on a world stage while the whole world shouts witch.

This, I find it beyond disgusting how much hatred there is against AH,all because people like Jack Sparrow, it's fucking despicable

Bagelsandbrie · 06/05/2022 17:11

DressingGownofDoom · 06/05/2022 17:05

'I didn’t like the way he turned up to court yesterday with Bob Marleys “war” playing full blast and stepping in with a smile. He’s enjoying the media attention and the fact people are turning against Amber H and you can see it. Very childish.'

Yeah he gives me the creeps. All that smirking and when she came down off the stand and he walked towards her it looked like he was squaring up to her! I think he doesn't even care if he wins he's just brought this case to terrorise her even more.

100%

MarJau26 · 06/05/2022 17:20

Knittingchamp · 06/05/2022 16:16

She physically abused him, has a history of being physically abusive with at least one other and has been diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder. She's lied a lot. She secretly recorded him for evidence yet at no time was there any physical abuse recorded. Police said there was no evidence of physical abuse when they came either. Given that she's abusive herself, I don't have sympathy for her. That doesn't mean I have any positive feelings toward Depp, either.

Exactly. Yet there are people bending over backwards to disbelieve that she's an abuser. She has lied about alot and this was proven. She's vile.

Firebird83 · 06/05/2022 17:26

From what I can see, they’re both abusive, toxic people.

vivainsomnia · 06/05/2022 17:55

From what I can see, they’re both abusive, toxic people
That. What does it have to be one of the other? History and MH issues and drugs and alcohol, all affecting memory recollection.

Darbs76 · 06/05/2022 17:59

Jonny is disgusting and I’m so surprised so many women blindly believe him. Amber isn’t on trial here for whether she hit Johnny, it’s whether she was fail to call herself abused. He doesn’t stand a chance

JungleBungles · 06/05/2022 18:31

They are both abusers and both have been abused in my opinion…it was obviously a very toxic marriage/relationship

both of them are going to come out of this badly!

Rokiroads · 06/05/2022 18:37

What is wrong is that you are judging this person from standards that we have identified as normal, she has many mental issues and has lied about donating money to charity (proof is out there), abused her previous partner, openly goads depp (posting that he is a wife beater) if she was so scared of him, this is not a behaviour of the abused, if she loved him, same thing, she wants to destroy him, he asked for a divorce in person and she filed the next day, their marriage counseller even admitted that she was asked by heard if she filed for divorce first would it be better for her career, she asked for 5mil, then 6mil, then 7mil, then 14mil or she would publicaly place a restraining order on him....

Heard recorded him multiple times without him knowing whilst antogonising him, even took photos in secret but not one recording of him actually hitting her, not 1 employee stating that he hit her...

She used to be a stripper which she did not reveal to the jury (say what you want but nearly all stripper have mental trauma going on), so much twisted behaviour when you look at it on her end.

where as on the other side you have a person that has been in the public eye for many years and nothing like this has come out before, I believe he is an addict but being an addict and abusing your partner are not entwined, I know many of my male friends that slam doors/break stuff when they are angry and/or run away but have never hit their wives.... breaking stuff and defacing your own property does not make you a wife beater.

Look at the facts, she is lying all the way to the bank.

My only issue is that if Depp was not famous and an average Joe, would he have the same support? the system is messed up and things need changing.

lioncitygirl · 06/05/2022 18:59

its so awful - the lying, the dry tears, the fact the paused for a ‘photo shot’ while in the courtroom of her looking distressed and then the whole ‘recoiled in horror’ when he walked towards her. No one cares she’s abused him. He will lose this no matter what.

Needwine999 · 06/05/2022 19:09

I think she is the abuser its so clear?

Knittingchamp · 06/05/2022 19:15

The abuse could have made his addiction issues way worse as very poor self coping strategies. That could be why she has a lot of footage of him in a real mess, but never footage of him abusing her, as he was abusing himself for the most part. Imagine, she abuses him, then records videos of herself mocking what a state he's in and laughing on audio that noone will believe him.

KTheGrey · 06/05/2022 21:24

I think much of the vitriol is because if she is lying - and she has produced no objective correlating evidence to date, but many tapes of her doing the opposite of what she's claimed - what she has done to him is so horrifying. People don't like the worst in human nature and if they were sucked in they hate it even more.