To tell you to read this if you're considering a 3rd child

[unhappychaos]

NC for obvious reasons.

I have 3 kids really close in age. DC3 wasn't planned, we had twins on our second go.

I hate having 3. It's constant chaos. I'm always needed, they constantly compete for my attention. They all want to sit next to me for meals, that's not possible. Bedtime stories, same thing. The scrambling and turn-taking does my head in - we can never relax. DH is around and does lots with them but that's not the point. I want to be able to make my children happy without help, to listen to them properly and not always have to ask one of them to wait or to go to Daddy.

It dawned on me this morning because 2 of them came into my bed at 6.30 and fell back asleep either side of me. It was bliss and everything I've always wanted from family life. Then of course DC3 woke up and came in and couldn't find a spot and it all went wrong.

This is both a ramble and a cautionary tale - if you're considering having a third, make sure you've thought of all the above.

I'm probably doing something wrong with them as plenty of people have 3 or more kids and seem happy, but equally I can't be the only one feeling like this. It's been years and nothing has improved.

Thanks for reading.

Maybe your 4 and 5 year olds never got upset at not being able to sit by you, but it doesn't make OP A useless Mom because her do. One bedtime story only works if they all share a room. And lots of people are happy for the kids to get I nbed of a morning, again it isn't an indication that she's a useless mother with fetal horrid brats ffs

Of course one he'd time study can work. Doesn't take much thinking about to decide to have it on the sofa or to take it in turns white bed to all sit on. Take it in turns who sits where. I'm happy for my dc to get in my bed but if they fought over it then I'd ban it for a day then let them back the next day providing no arguments. Lots of solutions.

But surely some people struggle with one DC, or two, or however many. It's a bit of a leap to generalise about all families with three DC. It does sound like it's maybe a twin thing, or their ages?

We have 3 and I don't recognise your description at all. It works for us because there's always someome to play with if one is off doing something else, or they play as a gang when altogether.

So fingers crossed it'll get better. Hang in there OP it sounds tough right now for you.

Very tough ages. It'll be easier in four or five years, op, courage!!

😂🙄

I say no all the time. Every time we get in the car or sit at the table I have to say no. I don't want to be like this. I want to sit down and have my kids either side of me, happy and looked after. Not have to push them away because I have no capacity.

We get up at 7. If someone is up a little earlier they come in for a cuddle. I make the most of when 1-2 of them are asleep for some uninterrupted chats with the others. It's the best time of the day.

But thanks for the pep talk 😐

All the posters saying YABU are also BU because they wanted three and love being surrounded by children. And those saying YANBU are biased because they (including myself) would rather eat hair than have three children.

And most of the YABUers on this thread seem to have young children. Having been through the teenage years with all that it entails - expense, friendship issues, relationship issues, bullying, GCESs, A levels, UCAS and the big expense of supporting through university there is no way on earth I would have wanted to do that 3 times.

Family tickets- two adults, two children
Free kids place - one per adult etc

Same. I think people grudge paying for an extra child if a family ticket is for 4. We are 5 and it never bothered me to pay for 4 + 1 - you still get the benefit of a small discount on the family ticket then pay for your extra child, because you know, you have another child.

I do move over in the bed. Still only have two sides though.

Are you a perfect parent @Copperpottle?
Either your DC are very biddable or you haven't dealt with many children.

Every child is different, and what works for one child may not work for another.

I love this!!
So many people are saying it's because they are close together but I think it's harder to have huge age gaps.

I couldn't imagine having to keep up appearances for an older child whilst trying to get through the newborn stage 😳😳
Plus they will have the same interests at the same time.

Hang in there OP!! ❤️

I don't think I've said they're feral or run wild. They're all under 6 and want to cuddle me and talk to me a lot, how is that unusual? We have a really good routine and the kids are not badly behaved.

Family tickets- two adults, two children
Free kids place - one per adult etc

Right, and if you choose to have more than one child you don't get any extra discount for that, you simply get the 2A2C +1C ticket, or 2A, 2free +1.

You still benefit from the offer, you just have to also pay for the 3rd child, which is entirely reasonable.

@SleepingStandingUp lots of places do family of 5 tickets. If they don’t; you just buy another ticket? Where is the stress in that?

I don’t know what free child’s place you’re referring to but if you get one free, that applies whether you have 2,3 or 7 children, surely? Get one free and pay for the others.

It's not a cautionary tale, you wanted 2 children and ended up with 3. I have 3, youngest only just turned 1 eldest just turned 6, middle is 4. I love 3 and have always wanted 3. It's a juggle sometimes as we work ft but I don't mind, I have an amazing husband who does more than his share so it works. When we tried for our 3rd I did think omg what if it's twins, but even if it had been we'd have coped. My husband's parents tried for a second and it was triplets, they went from a family of 3 to 6! I think you might just be in the fog at the moment, as they grow I'm sure it'll get easier, I don't think what you are feeling is a general thing though if you actually want 3 children.

We have 4 and they are my everything but yes it is hard when they are little, I definitely remember everything you describe. The youngest is 7 years now and we are an absolute troupe, total cliched team etc. I never had the thoughts what if I only had x but yes 2 to 3 is an absolute shock! Huge hugs op, I suggest quality one to one playtime with ds3 only and tons of hugs X

Thank you. I'm glad you get it, and I don't expect everyone to.

I have three. Should have four but I lost one of my twins. I am so sorry you are feeling so negative. Have you asked for help? What do you want from this thread ?

Having one is plenty as far as I'm concerned. Why anyone wants more beggars belief. Like, can't people think of anything else to do with their lives?

Hope you are ok and the chaos soon calms down. Your life to me sounds wonderful and perfect though - I am very envious! This won’t last, it does get easier xx

This is helpful for me to read. I have two girls 21 months apart and sometimes think that a third would be lovely (mine are 2 and 10 months old) but my husband has said he only wants two. I know it would be much harder but do still feel sad that I won’t experience having one more.

@unhappychaos what’s unusual is that you are here complaining about it. Why do you have to say no to cuddles? Why can’t they all have a bedtime story? Mine all have one individually or sometimes together if they ask for that. You just need a better routine.
Either me or DH takes the youngest up for the bath, reads a story and puts him in bed while the other parent is downstairs with the other 2.
Then our eldest son comes up for a bath, gets a story and bed, again the other parent is downstairs with DD. She then gets in her shower and gets herself into bed and either reads to me or we have a chat.

If DH or I have gone out for the evening, the elder 2 will sit with a film or game or Lego and the same routine as above applies.

There is no reason why having 3 children stops them having a cuddle or a story.

Every reason I won’t have a third-
my husband can watch 2, I go to the gym, I go out of an evening- we can take one each to activities etc.

Yes, I run my own business, work 3-4 days a week.

But you're missing the point. Op isn't saying "omg my kids are wild and never do as they're told". She's saying "I wish I could just have all my kids in bed with me, read them Al La bedtime story IN THEIR OWN BEDS simultaneously, sit by them all at lunch time". It isn't about the kids, who will be perfectly fine long term with taking it in turns, it's about her and she's perfectly entitled to her feelings. She's not asking about how to get youngest one adopted or saying she loves one less.

Perhaps the smug perfect parents on here should offer the OP some help instead of criticising her parenting

It sounds relentlessly hard to have three children so close in age.