To tell you to read this if you're considering a 3rd child

[unhappychaos]

NC for obvious reasons.

I have 3 kids really close in age. DC3 wasn't planned, we had twins on our second go.

I hate having 3. It's constant chaos. I'm always needed, they constantly compete for my attention. They all want to sit next to me for meals, that's not possible. Bedtime stories, same thing. The scrambling and turn-taking does my head in - we can never relax. DH is around and does lots with them but that's not the point. I want to be able to make my children happy without help, to listen to them properly and not always have to ask one of them to wait or to go to Daddy.

It dawned on me this morning because 2 of them came into my bed at 6.30 and fell back asleep either side of me. It was bliss and everything I've always wanted from family life. Then of course DC3 woke up and came in and couldn't find a spot and it all went wrong.

This is both a ramble and a cautionary tale - if you're considering having a third, make sure you've thought of all the above.

I'm probably doing something wrong with them as plenty of people have 3 or more kids and seem happy, but equally I can't be the only one feeling like this. It's been years and nothing has improved.

Thanks for reading.

I had three children in four years. The third child was the easiest baby to look after. He just followed the other two everywhere. He was the loving one and the baby obviously. Of all three children I would say he was more clingy to mum, but that was fine.
Never regret having a child no matter how many, and how much hard work they all caused you.
My third child was killed when he was 24. Now that is not something you ever expect to happen. Never have regrets because you will live to regret just that

I only had one because I wanted to be able to help him properly through life and that's what's happened, I helped DS through uni and now I'm in the position to help him buy his first home (he is 40). I couldn't have done that with two or three.

Not mad at you at all but this has made me a little sad, OP ☹️

I'm the third child and I've always felt an inconvenience to my family and like I was never wanted. Now I'm wondering if they genuinely felt that. Ouch 😥

As annoying as they are whilst they're young, relish in the fact that one day you'll have three amazing children to look after you in your old age and thank you for the wonderful life you gave them.

I found 3 was hell when they were all under 5. As young adults, they're amazing and I couldn't love them more if I tried.

It gets better OP

The OP is allowed to write a post about how she is feeling about her situation. She is not to know about your situation, or you choosing to take offence at hers.

I voted YABU because you had 3 babies in 2 years. Of course you find it hard. If you'd had 3 children with bigger age gaps it would still be hard but no where near what you're experiencing now.

Your children are 5 & 4 so there is hope at the end of the tunnel OP. They will all be in primary school soon and progressively become more independent. It won't be this hard forever

I love having 3! The age gap is the problem. I found having 2 close in age and both under my feet at home much more difficult than the older 2 at school and me at home with the baby. I'm actually sad I'm not having any more but I'm getting too old. Having 3 is a dream come true for me.

@Itjustgetsbetter I never understand this claim that most things cater for families of 4? We have numerous days out; theme parks, zoos, farms, water parks and go abroad several times a year and we have 3 children. We’ve never once struggled.

I Have three times including twins and it was chaos and I loved it!

They learn to share, you learn to say no, you put the boundaries in.

car seating for example they worked it out themselves whose turn in the front - because they know they’ll get a turn.

Nobody wanted the pink seat, so I swapped it into the front - no more complaining!

Just be more creative.

I've got 2 and I'll be 40 this year, my youngest is 3 so I've been thinking about a third child a lot. I would love some aspects of it, holding a newborn, cuddles, smiles and giggles, watching them grow. But I don't miss the night waking, constant feeding and nappies and toddler tantrums and then later on having to pay for childcare and clubs and clothes etc. And that's just assuming there are no special requirements to factor in.

My third child is the light of my life. I never intended to have a third child, but he is the greatest 'surprise' gift ever. I thank my luck stars for him every day. He makes my family complete! Best of all I got to swap his rotten abusive Dad for him, and now I get to have three wonderful children all to myself! The chaos, noise and fighting can be almost unbearable, don't get me wrong, but when they all get on those hard won moments of joy are the greatest thing I have ever experienced, and as they get older those moments are increasing in frequency and longevity and make the (many) sacrifices worth it.

I have three . Two eldest were 6 and 4 when youngest was born . Have absolutely never regretted my third . He is a lovely 22year old and fantastic company.
All siblings are very different in temperament but are very close .
It will get better OP and obviously having twins will have made it harder whist they are young .💐

Feel your pain. I had 3 in 4.5 years and those first few years were tough. Youngest is 4 now and I do still often wish we just had the first two. Hard to admit, but also don't regret having the third at all - I can't, she's the light of my life. But if I could sort of choose to not have three without knowing her, I guess I'd have been a bit happier. Focus on the good moments, not all the crappy ones. I try to keep those little snippets of them at playgrounds and on bike rides in my head when there's a whole load of arguing in the house. It's so loud!!

Tough ages - it will get better. Most people that have 3 won't only have 1 year between all of them 2 of which are the same age. I have 2, they are older and I still have the fights - I have set days each gets too sit in the front seat of the car for example and if either argues about it when it's not their day or tries to get in the front anyway then they lose their turns for a week. Harsh but effective. Also please don't think you should be doing it all yourself at those ages and levels of need. DH isn't helping. He's simply doing his share of the parenting as is needed at them moment. They won't always be so reliant on you. They grow up a lot in a short time at this age.

@unhappychaos I'm sorry to hear this. This is also one of my fears, that they won't get on as it's all too much.

Thanks. It's not your fault because you had twins. You couldn't help having three.

My parents had three children sequentially, in a very short time, and really fucked up in terms of how to allocate time/attention to each of us. I am the eldest and escaped as early as I possibly could (moved out at 16).

My younger siblings (very close in age) have spent their entire lives competing pathetically for my mother's attention, and now as they both near 40 (and she is well in her 70s), she is still occupied with them and their problems 24/7. i believe a lot stems from this desperate competition to be the neediest, the weakest, the biggest victim, who therefore needs the most care from our mum.

I stopped at 2 children myself (was booked in for a termination when I had an unplanned 3rd pregnancy, but luckily I miscarried naturally).

I think this is a twin thing rather than a three children thing...

My children are 6, 5 and 2 and I really love having three. My first two were very close in age and that was incredibly hard but the addition of the third has been nothing but a positive.

I'm also one of 3 but with larger gaps. We're very close and never had issues.

I think it's more a twin / close in age thing that a third child thing.

That said our unplanned DC3 was born with a rare genetic condition, is disabled and will never live independently. It's not something that crossed our radar when I found out I was pregnant. Naively as we had two NT children we never truly considered the impact of an non NT child.

I'd say to anyone thinking about a 3rd child, take everything into consideration. Think of worst case scenario and if you could cope with it.

DC3 is absolutely amazing, that goes without saying, but a disabled child with SEN is always going to be more challenging.

We have lots and find the house empty when only 3 are in 🙂We look forward to the school holidays as love having them all home and clambering about the place😁

This is NOT what I wanted to hear 😬

@Bunty55 so sorry for your loss.

Gosh, be careful there, you have no idea what life has planned for you or your beautiful babies. Honestly I understand the need to vent but I guarantee you there will be days ahead of you that you look back and wish you had appreciated what you had when it was all around you

@Shehasadiamondinthesky this is what’s holding me back TTC #4.
We can comfortably afford 3 house deposits, university fees & rent etc, first cars. But I’m wondering whether 4 would mean we have to change our lifestyle a bit which I don’t think would be fair on the 3 we have.