To tell you to read this if you're considering a 3rd child

[unhappychaos]

NC for obvious reasons.

I have 3 kids really close in age. DC3 wasn't planned, we had twins on our second go.

I hate having 3. It's constant chaos. I'm always needed, they constantly compete for my attention. They all want to sit next to me for meals, that's not possible. Bedtime stories, same thing. The scrambling and turn-taking does my head in - we can never relax. DH is around and does lots with them but that's not the point. I want to be able to make my children happy without help, to listen to them properly and not always have to ask one of them to wait or to go to Daddy.

It dawned on me this morning because 2 of them came into my bed at 6.30 and fell back asleep either side of me. It was bliss and everything I've always wanted from family life. Then of course DC3 woke up and came in and couldn't find a spot and it all went wrong.

This is both a ramble and a cautionary tale - if you're considering having a third, make sure you've thought of all the above.

I'm probably doing something wrong with them as plenty of people have 3 or more kids and seem happy, but equally I can't be the only one feeling like this. It's been years and nothing has improved.

Thanks for reading.

I really like having three children OP. The problem you have is that you had them too close together!

@SleepingStandingUp she can have 3 children in her bed and read them bedtime stories.

Desperate for a third over here but over 18 months of trying I don't think it's going to happen now.

I feel like crying often.

My DH is one of three.All get on well .I think it is many factors really .My friend also 1 of 3 all like each other! There are still people who dislike their only Sis or bro too!

Is it telling that you will tell them you tried to have a sibling for dc1 and he got 2? Didn't you just want a second child and it turned out to be 2.. sorry just a random thought but do notice that people talk about giving children a sibling and it strikes me as an odd approach

Loved having three. One either side and the other sitting on your lap, sitting at your feet, lying on top of you in bed. It's only a problem if you decide it is one

Of course you just buy another one, but the it makes it considerably more expensive that getting in on a family ticket alone. I will say tho that places are getting better with family tickets for single parents and larger families.

I assumed with free kids place you get one free space per child so two adults, two free kids. So three kids, you have to now pay for one.

And yes yes shouldn't have kids you can't afford etc but it's much easier to say that when you're not talking about aborting a wanted pregnancy because there's two

I had 5 and loved it. I think it’s just not what you wanted OP rather than bad for everyone.

Only a problem if the one lying in top of you likes to lie in such a position that it's basically parenticide by asphyxiation. Yes middle child (2 yo twin 1) I'm looking at YOU

Every family size is lovely/unlovely in equal measure.

Yes, exactly this. You're in the thick of it at the moment, OP, because of the age gap. It won't be long until it gets a lot easier. Meanwhile having one child (or two with a big gap) is great when they're tiny and you can spend loads of time one-to-one, but can be trickier when they're eg 12, don't want or need such an intense parental relationship and would rather like the fun of having a lot of siblings. Pros and cons to every combination.

I do sympathise. Humans have two hands, two eyes, two ears and two knees (for sitting on)…how people manage with 3 close in age I have no idea!

My 2 kids are 3 years apart and squabble occasionally about place in bed, turn taking etc.

The only way to counteract sibling rivalry (in my opinion) is each parent spending quality time alone with each child. Once a fortnight will do, it just needs to happen. How often do you split the kids into a one and a two (splitting the twins) and take turns (sorry more turns but at least these are controlled by you) for “mummy and me” or “daddy and me” time?

I guess it’ll get easier when they are all at school too.

I didn't say they can't have a cuddle or a story. They have cuddles all the time, but if one is on my lap on the sofa they have to make space for their sibling. Then the third arrives and I then say 'it's their turn now' as I can't fit 3 and someone gets upset.

Bedtime is one story for everyone on my bed, they take turn at who sits on my lap/in the middle. Then the twins go to bed and I read with my eldest.

I just don't want it to be a constant machine, I want spontaneity, I want a child to fall asleep in my arms if they're about to instead of me having to put them down because someone else needs me.

It's not the same as a bedtime story snuggled in your own bed if you have to then get our and get into your own colder bed 🙄

But the point remains op is complaining about not being able to do what she WANTS
It doesn't matter that she can just do something else, and she obviously does do something else, but the point remains she's unhappy and wants a moan

That's what I do!

I've got 3 (17, 15 & 12) and in the early years I wondered wtf we'd done to be fair. I had 3 under 5 for the just started reception, just started playgroup and newborn months and it was low key horrific some days.

These days it's (whispers in case I jinx it) quite pleasant. Have faith op, it does get better/nicer/more rewarding and I love seeing our three interact with each other. their mates and becoming more independent. The eldest can now also drive us & his siblings around, which after years of us taxiing him around, we're fully milking!!

I had 3 in 4.5 years. I used to say ‘someone’s in charge but it’s not me’ then it sort of settled as they all reached primary, and it felt nice until someone mentioned I would have a rolling period of teenage years and exams. They were so right. Constant ride of teen issues and exams for 5 years now - eldest is in first year of degree, youngest starts GCSEs next year, middle is doing GCSEs this year.

Anyway, hope I haven’t terrified you and at least they still really like you when they are little.

I’m sorry that’s your experience so far
it will get easier I promise
ive 4 dc 2 ,of them have autism ,and still I would say I am so glad I have all 4 .
they are adults now ,it’s like having more familY members ,going shopping together,meals out at restaurants for birthdays .
it’s lovely ..
3 should play well together op ,I had 3 under 3 then a gap the number 4 .
i found a routine helped me ,bed ,bath and story at the same time each night ,
it does get easier honestly

Both my friend and my DH are one of three.All get on well .As an only child I sometimes think its worse as an Adult .When I was a child had lots of friends to play with ,all attention from my family .Lost both parents now and although very close to my Cousin, its not the same as siblings and their DC .(Cousin doesnt have DC)Have 2 of my own and that has been fine for me.I struggled when they were small sometimes too .All DC argue!

I had my three close together, less than 3 and a half years between the three of them, all the same sex too.
When they were little it was great, they all got along really well and were the best of mates. There's only 4 school years between them, so when my youngest goes up to high school this year they'll all be at the same place and I don't have to do different drop-offs etc.
Now they're older they don't get on as well though, it always seems to be two of them getting along and one left out. It changes which ones are getting along, and I'm constantly breaking up arguments and getting tales told about whichever of them is being annoying.
I'm hoping as they get a bit older they will get on a bit more and be there for each other. My three are certainly very different in personality too, which no doubt has something to do with it.

Everything is shit when kids are the age yours are regardless of numbers. Do what you need to survive. CBeebies, iPads, bribery…holiday clubs, childminders, babysitters, in the kids club at centerparcs for every single holiday. Mine are now senior school and I barely see them. They only want their mates. You’ve only got to hang in there until your youngest is about 9/10 and it all changes. When they all hit about 10/11 they walk to school on their own, occupy themselves with computer games, get their own breakfast, sleep in late, can be left in the house without you. The sweet spot.

and make sure you send your kids to a school that has breakfast club and after school care. Sign them up for all the hours

In my experience as a teacher twins are extremely difficult to keep happy. There is usually so much conflict between them and they can't resolve it because they usually share the same social limitations. And that's without a third child close in age.

Just sounds like you need to make strategies and stick to them. Talk to preschool or school teachers or ask for advice for specific situations. Honestly teachers always have multiple children wanting something from them at once and there are ways to keep the peace, believe me.
Start talking about taking turns to sit with mum and set the table before they come OR don't have any sit beside you and set up all 3 on the other side of the table. Likewise, transition them all to sleeping between you and DH and give reasons why it needs to be this way.

@SleepingStandingUp @unhappychaos ok im really confused about what the issue is now?

Op I think it’s the age gaps. I have 3 in the house but there is 6 years between them all. Everything meshes along quite nicely. They all get along, older one is independent and I will go and sit in her room and chat when toddler is asleep. Middle one still plays with little one which gives me some time to get things done.

I am one of 3, incidentally 6 years between all of us too and we all get on really well as adults and my mum says she enjoys having 3 now. It will get better. One that age is hard enough, but you have 3! Well done and keep going.

I know someone who had six in six years. You read that right. Six in six years (one set of twins).