To tell you to read this if you're considering a 3rd child

[unhappychaos]

NC for obvious reasons.

I have 3 kids really close in age. DC3 wasn't planned, we had twins on our second go.

I hate having 3. It's constant chaos. I'm always needed, they constantly compete for my attention. They all want to sit next to me for meals, that's not possible. Bedtime stories, same thing. The scrambling and turn-taking does my head in - we can never relax. DH is around and does lots with them but that's not the point. I want to be able to make my children happy without help, to listen to them properly and not always have to ask one of them to wait or to go to Daddy.

It dawned on me this morning because 2 of them came into my bed at 6.30 and fell back asleep either side of me. It was bliss and everything I've always wanted from family life. Then of course DC3 woke up and came in and couldn't find a spot and it all went wrong.

This is both a ramble and a cautionary tale - if you're considering having a third, make sure you've thought of all the above.

I'm probably doing something wrong with them as plenty of people have 3 or more kids and seem happy, but equally I can't be the only one feeling like this. It's been years and nothing has improved.

Thanks for reading.

I don't get this , maybe you shouldn't have had kids lol. I have three and have never felt like u !!

Good for you. Maybe it is because you planned for and wanted three children. Do you have twins?

Some parents don't like the chaos and drudgery that comes with having three children. Not everyone is the same.

Not necessarily, families don't always work like that as seen on MN every day.

I find similar with one. Things are just so easy and natural and I only have to reason with or keep an eye on or entertain one other person, who I can get along with and connect with when it's just the two of us.

Add another and I think it would become really difficult in areas I currently find really easy.

We are open to another though, this will be our last chance due to my age.

Have your 4 year olds started school yet? Things definitely get easier when they’re older, my daughter is 8 now and nowhere near as demanding in attention as my 4 year old

My mam had 11 of us it was great we loved it and she allowed our friends in our house people still comment to me today now im 61 how thy loved coming to our house as kids ,our house was never messy after they left either we had to all tidy up when thyd gone lol great days and memories ,keep going its all worth it in the end

They start in September, they're only just 4.

I have three (4,2 and newborn when the last was born) and I regret not having one more.

I think your post is really sad, and a bit horrid tbh!

Many people have three or more, they just get on with it.

Why should having three small kids be easy?
Who on earth would think that it is, or should be easy???
The mind boggles, it really does.

And by way of response to another poster re all the posters who say the OP having their three and them still being you!g, my eldest will be 18 next birthday, so I’ve done the teenage thing too.
Still think the OP comes across as a bit much- sound alike DC3 is perceived as the cause of problems ( it the presence of twins) just by some of the wording in the first post.

Last post Meant to say’ who say the OP is being unreasonable’

Really thinking about having a third and this thread is making me rethink.

Why?
Not all women feel that their life is defined by having children. There are lots of other ways of living a full and satisfying and less demanding life without the need to have lots of children.

@Joystir59 😂😂, that made me proper belly laugh. I have 5 children and never looked at it like that 🤣. OP, it gets easier as they get older as they become less demanding of your time, we bought a super king size bed as there was 5 of us in it most nights. There is a big gap between the oldest 2 and the youngest 3.

we just wanted 2 but my birth control failed and ended up with 3 the youbgest has given me two wonderful grandaughters ues it was hard at times but you got on with it

Well there plenty of fors as well as against so I wouldn't take any of it to heart

Mine isn’t defined by them either.
I have a successful career and friends and hobbies etc, but I never once felt the way the OP has described about having three. And bizarrely it seems directed at the youngest, not by the presence of twins (which can be hard work of course).
That is why I think it’s sad.

What wording? There isn't a DC3! When I said DC3 came into our bed, I meant the third/last remaining child. It was actually twin 1 so technically not the extra child. But it had no bearing on who was who.

Yep, I had one more child than I wanted and I still haven't come to terms with it. Try not to take offence!

This is the problem. I don't want to get on with it! I want to enjoy it and I'm not managing to.

@Quincythequince

'It seems directed at the youngest'

Which one for the love of God?! The youngest by 17 minutes?!

I’m not remotely, offended by your feelings of not enjoying having three kids, why on earth would I be. I affects my life in no way.

Usually DC1, DC2 etc when used here refer to kids in age order. You’ve not done, fair enough. But saying DC3 implies the youngest hence why it reads the way it does.

You however seem offended by other people’s responses. If you can’t handle multiple kids, that’s on you. But how bizarre to warn others off it because you can’t cope, where millions of others just get along with it.

Young kids are very hard work and you have a lot of them. Stop beating yourself up about things that aren’t that important, and developer a thicker skin whilst you’re at it. Your not enjoying them isn’t because three is inherently harder, you just need to reduce your own expectations.

And start mentally preparing for the teenage years now - it’s much, much harder!

I want to be able to make my children happy without help, to listen to them properly and not always have to ask one of them to wait or to go to Daddy

Then you should have stopped at one.

Even if you didn’t end up with on more child than you wanted the second time, you will still find yourself potentially having to put down a sleeping child (your example) to go and help with the other one.

You have weird views on roles and responsibilities given their dad is around and very helpful and hands on as you say.

Just accept help, or accept that you physically can’t do it all. I don’t get why 3 explicitly is a problem based on some of your examples. Sounds like you want to just be able to focus on one child at time; impossible if you have more than one child!

I thought (hoped) the post was going to be about considering our over-populated world, before adding to its problems...

Europe isn't over populated far from it though - we actually have a declining birth rate below which is required to sustain a western economy 😉