To tell you to read this if you're considering a 3rd child

[unhappychaos]

NC for obvious reasons.

I have 3 kids really close in age. DC3 wasn't planned, we had twins on our second go.

I hate having 3. It's constant chaos. I'm always needed, they constantly compete for my attention. They all want to sit next to me for meals, that's not possible. Bedtime stories, same thing. The scrambling and turn-taking does my head in - we can never relax. DH is around and does lots with them but that's not the point. I want to be able to make my children happy without help, to listen to them properly and not always have to ask one of them to wait or to go to Daddy.

It dawned on me this morning because 2 of them came into my bed at 6.30 and fell back asleep either side of me. It was bliss and everything I've always wanted from family life. Then of course DC3 woke up and came in and couldn't find a spot and it all went wrong.

This is both a ramble and a cautionary tale - if you're considering having a third, make sure you've thought of all the above.

I'm probably doing something wrong with them as plenty of people have 3 or more kids and seem happy, but equally I can't be the only one feeling like this. It's been years and nothing has improved.

Thanks for reading.

As an adult who desperately wanted a third, and whose DP and DPIL also had three, I couldn't disagree with this more.

But, differed strokes for different folks, and all that.

I had 3 in just over 3 years, boy, girl, boy - and the youngest hates the other two, they pretty much hate him and the older two have nothing really to do with each other.

They are very much their own people, which is great, but not only have never entertained each other but continually needed refereeing too - which got v v wearisome.

What do you mean by the tone of my post?

I mentioned DC3 once as they were the third one to come into the bed. In fact, it was twin 1. I do not prefer one twin over the other.

I thought this post was going to say the government only pay you for 2 now!

I don't know, I get child benefit for all my 3, maybe because 2 and 3 are twins? Money really not an issue in my situation.

I’m confused how you can have twins when they’re all different ages?! 🤷🏼‍♀️

I can understand money not being an issue if one or both of you were high earners but neither of you are.

The PP wasn’t being rude. She was just saying what she thought this thread was going to be about.

3 is hard work, much more than 2 were! BUT they are all so different and special in their own way and bring us so much joy. Mine are 6 (is autistic) 3 and 1. Middle child is the worst at the moment with big emotions but he’s hilarious and so loving!

I have 3 and just can't imagine life with less. They are friends, never bored, have this whole life of imagination no one else knows about. Transitions are hard - 3 kids to put to bed, clean teeth, put shoes on etc. But in between they occupy themselves. I can't imagine having only 2 kids who only have one sibling each. I know many people want that but for me 3 is perfect.

He won’t know in words but you sound resentful and that can show in your actions and attitude towards him even if you think it won’t.

I haven't RTFT as I found it depressing. :-(
I have seven, including twins. All love each other to bits, all close, if not in the same city. They are my LIFE! Grown up now, and the first year with twin babies was hard due to illnesses, but we got through. :-)
(Two autistic, too!)

I have two and desperately want a 3rd (and 4th). But I can't have anymore children. My husband is one of 3 and is perfectly happy with just 2 children (maybe he felt the same as you but from the child's perspective). My two are adorable but still compete for attention / turns etc - I think some siblings just are more competitive with each other. They also love each other dearly and are so close and play ALL the time together. You are in a tricky phase with the ages you have, but I bet you anything you won't regret that 3rd one as they get older. My husband and his twin are best friends and it's lovely to see the bond they have as adults. My MIL said it got easier once the younger two (twins) were about 6 or 7 and a bit more independent.

So am I right, you had 1 child, decided to have a 2nd and had twins so had 3 instead of 2.
Is that more of the issue? 2 babies is much harder work than 1 and having an older DC to look after as well can't be easy. You must be permanently drained!
I wonder if you'd feel different if you had baby 1, gap, baby 2, gap, then baby 3.

I am the 3rd of 4 and I was a wonderful child!😜

Well I'd give anything for my little boy to still be here and have 3 kids to look after instead of 2

The twins are 4. OP was very clear about that early on in the thread.

Her eldest is 5.

Had one, planned for next one. Got three !!! The comments have been amazingly rude. Are you mad etc. Well, which would you get rid of? No, it wasnt planned and wouldn't choose but that is nature. They are all healthy and love all 4 but are amazingly hard work.

I mean, I absolutely love having 3. Getting used to it was tough in the toddler years, but DC3 was a difficult toddler. We're coming out the otherwise of that now though and it's just lovely. The house is full to the brim with noise and toys and crafts and squabbles and hugs. I don't ever feel bad for only having two hands to hold or whatever though. Kids need to learn patience sooner or later, why feel bad about being human?

Well, they are incredibly close in age. But I agree that three is hard. Mine are 16, 8 and 5, so fairly significant gaps. No SEN. V helpful eldest and middle child. And No 3 is beguiling in the extreme. But still I find myself thinking it was bloody silly to have her. It's a lot.

They're not! 5, 4, 4!

It’s very tough when they are so little but it does get easier. Ours are now 24, 23, 20 and 14 and they are a delight. Mostly 😀

The 14 year old was a surprise but a good one 😀

They’re still small though!
i have 3; 10/8/7 and I honestly find it easy. They hang out and have fun, weekends are like a big play date. And they definitely don’t want me! The opposite tbh! They normally just want something nice for dinner and to do their own thing together. And definitely no one gets in my bed, I used to hate that first thing.
you’ll see how much better it is in a couple of years, trust me. I found it so much better I even had another one! 4 and counting!

I have 3 children, DS 11 and DTs 6. My ExH left when DTs were 2 and only takes our DCs every 2nd weekend. I think YABU, yes it's tough but soon enough your DCs will be not be interested in hanging out with you anymore. Don't care if this sounds cliche, but treasure them, sit with them, play with them. Stop treating them like an inconvenience to you. Childhood is short.

But which one would that be? There isn't a 'spare' one. They're twins.

Yes, this is maybe also the issue.

I haven't recovered from having 3 so quickly.