To think there are two kinds of people when splitting the bill

[WoodenClock]

And people seem to have friends that are either one if the other, never a mix?

I have a fairly wide circle and go out to eat/drink quite often with various different groups, from well off to really quite hard up. Without exception, any "argument" about money will be because someone wants to be over generous/buy an extra round/pay more than their share. As groups, a non drinker will never get stitched up for a share of the drinks bill and heavy drinkers recognise that and volunteer to pay extra, they never need to be asked.

But there are so many threads on here where people haven't paid their share or where there's awkwardness about asking them to do so. I don't meet those people.

Why is that?

I think some people are naturally tight whether they have money or not. I really do come across these people on a regular basis.

I'm trying to organise a buffet at the moment for 25 people (this will be the only extra cost of a very cheap weekend away) and one person who is extremely well off is quibbling over contributing £10 to it. They are suggesting that they bring food instead but when you're organising enough to eat for that many people it is easier if one person coordinates it. Especially when you know that person won't bring their fair share.

I do know a lot of overly generous people too but most are like myself who would only eat out if I knew I could afford to split the bill. Arguing over a bill is really boring and taints the occasion.

Back when I went out with work regularly, it was always the big drinkers who were the ones that took the absolute piss and expected everyone else to split the bill evenly.

The larger the group, the more they would take the piss.

Not a bloody chance would I be paying an extra £20 because someone has a taste for expensive cocktails when I had no alcohol.

They were usually the same ones that would never chuck in for the tip pot too.

I went through a phase of going out with group of school mums and it was always the same ones who drank a lot then surprise surprise they had to leave early but left enough “to cover their share of the booze” and you guessed it, was never enough because they only had one glass of wine not 15, no sir.

Yeah, me neither. We just go through the bill and literally pay for just what we had. So I pay for my meal and dessert and my drinks, so does the next. Last time bill was split 4 ways, and not equally, you just pay for what you had.

Obvs if you buy people a round or an extra drink it goes on your part of the bill

I've never experienced this either. We all tend to just split the bill between us and any non-drinkers just pay less. If it's me who's not drinking and it's only a few quid difference I don't even care about that really, but my friends aren't generally drinking multiple bottles of expensive booze! More like a glass or two of wine each.

I ended up paying for a meal for four of us on the way to the loo because as I left the table the only one who usually worked out to the penny what we'd all had was driving me nuts with the time it was taking.

We all ate and drank pretty much the same but this person is notorious for dissecting the bill. The tip was a problem too. 🙄

We don't often include them now when going out for meals, it's less frustrating! 😄

We just pay for what we have, round up to the nearest pound, it's not difficult.

In our circle we usually argue because one person wants to pick up the bill! No CF's in our group. I loathe tight people who are happy to sponge off others. We usually take it in turns. It sometimes doesn't even out, but we all just make up for it throwing in a bottle of wine or something for each others kids which is very appreciated.

Not many people are going to start a thread about how everyone paid and there were no issues. Even though this probably is the case 99% of the time, it's the 1% of times when someone is a cf that you hear about, which makes it seem more common then it is.

Actually, I think there are three types of people.

1. The type of people who want to only pay for exactly what they've consumed
2. The type of people who prefer to just split the bill (on the assumption everyone's consumed a similar amount)
3. CFers who always want to take advantage no matter which method is used

I think the people in 1) are usually on a tight budget, so a difference of a couple of quid can add up fast.

The people in 2) are financially comfortable, so are happy to potentially pay a couple of quid extra for the ease of being able to just pay the bill without someone whipping out a calculator.

The people in 3) are people I do not want to eat with. They're the ones who will have everyone else pay first, then use other people's tips to make up their share of exactly what they've consumed, or they'll suggest splitting the bill evenly when they know they've had much more expensive stuff than everyone else (typically the steak and wine brigade).

I mostly agree with you OP that the arguments stem from people wanting to overpay. This is the way for 95% of my friends.

However there is a very small minority who don't. They've always been like this regardless of their current financial situation. I've come to realise after decades of this that this isn't about money at all, it's about being self serving and entitled generally and have re-evaluated the friendships.

You’re right OP, and my group of friends (even if they don’t all know each other) behave like yours. Thinking about it now, I wouldn’t like to be friends with people who pinched and maybe exploited their way through group meals and drinks. I’d naturally remove myself from them. I feel it’s swings and roundabouts in that I might pay a little more, a little less with general splitting of bills but it all evens out in the long term. In our group there’s no adding up of “my items” we just split it by headcount unless big drink discrepancies

just last week almost got into an argument when I insisted on paying more as I’d had drinks but my friend hadn’t and she wanted to do a straight split. We were both just trying to be nice to the other!

I have only ever been out with the expectation that each person will pay for what they have.

On occasion one of my friends has paid for me and vice versa but it is never the expected.

Pay for what you have, it's not hard and it's much fairer than splitting the bill evenly when out with friends who may be more or less financially well off than you. For all you know (looking at you even bill splitters) your friend may have accepted the invitation knowing they could only afford to go if they had one soft drink and the cheapest meal on the menu and it's not up to you to decide what they should pay.

People who "just pay for what they had" are always the ones who forget the service, or dont realise the bread & olives were £5 a pop, and lo and behold there's a gap totting up the bill.

I have a relative who eats at our home every week - a decent home cooked meal and dessert.... Never invited there. Apparently home is too small. If we eat out they pay for exactly their order only. Gave up being arsed years ago.

I'm an overpayer, definitely. Not short of cash and hate people being miserly over how it's being split, would frankly rather pay the whole bill myself than hear people bicker about it

I’ve never been out with people who take the piss, I’ve only ever heard about it. The social rules in my various groups seems to be:

people who ate/drank less insist on splitting the bill equally

People who ate/drank more insist that they should pay a greater share of the bill

it all works out one way or another and no one feels taken advantage of

I’ve never experienced this either but I’m also not an utter doormat who would ever stand for this like many posters on here do, for some unfathomable reason

The only time I’ve experienced tightness is on works nights out with people I wouldn’t otherwise choose to go out for a meal with.

one particularly memorable time I made a big show of going to the bar to get a glass of wine (knowing there were a number of non-drinkers) and was still treated to icy glares when it came to splitting the bill because ‘well I don’t drink’ 🙄

I don’t understand why people don’t just start with a separate bill if they’re going to be forensic in sharing a bill.

I am no 2 in the list - happy to split equally because if it's friends we eat with a lot it all evens out. I completely understand when people are hard up and really can't afford to do that. the greedy CF who eats and drinks more than anyone gets the benefit of the doubt once.

Never had this experience either, but nor would I tolerate it either.

If I'm out with a friend we just take it in turns. So she might pay for the meal and I'll get coffeee and desserts. If I'm in a group we tend to split unless there's alcohol drinkers, then we split food but pay for our own drinks.

It depends who ordered the extras.

My friends don't order 'to share items' but in my mind if someone orders it without checking if everyone actually wants it then that's on them.

Personally I can't imagine eating anything worse than bread dipped in oil and olives so wouldn't even be touching them.

I don't think those who try to pay less than their share is something confined to paying for meals and drinks, but agree with you OP about the principles you describe.