To think there are two kinds of people when splitting the bill

[WoodenClock]

And people seem to have friends that are either one if the other, never a mix?

I have a fairly wide circle and go out to eat/drink quite often with various different groups, from well off to really quite hard up. Without exception, any "argument" about money will be because someone wants to be over generous/buy an extra round/pay more than their share. As groups, a non drinker will never get stitched up for a share of the drinks bill and heavy drinkers recognise that and volunteer to pay extra, they never need to be asked.

But there are so many threads on here where people haven't paid their share or where there's awkwardness about asking them to do so. I don't meet those people.

Why is that?

People who "just pay for what they had" are always the ones who forget the service, or dont realise the bread & olives were £5 a pop, and lo and behold there's a gap totting up the bill.

This is my experience too. Out with casual acquaintances or work colleagues and I tend to order separately and thus pay separately to avoid the risk of selective memories. Most places are able to manage that while still bringing the food all at the same time. With actual friends we split it with drinkers or those eating expensive items paying extra - we end up leaving a bigger tip than necessary because everyone chooses to overpay.

Family were always a "split the bill" situation until my sister's (now thankfully ex) husband who wanted to pay his own after the bill arrived and got huffy when it was pointed out that he had ordered the bread and olives "to share" and eaten most of it himself. Or said he "didn't drink" - he meant no alcohol but he conveniently forgot that soft drinks aren't free.

I think category 2 people are often actually CFers. In my experience there is quite often quite a lot of difference between amounts and people often want to handwave it.

I also think people are more likely to make an exception for non drinkers than light eaters or vegetarians. I'm vegetarian and usually just go with the flow but I have taken exception to having an £10 veggie burger at a steak restaurant and being asked to contribute £40 on an even split and similarly being asked for £50 at a sushi restaurant when I had £8 veggie noodles... I can afford it, it's more a matter of principle!

Same here, the groups of people I go out with don't try to take the piss.

My experience is that drinkers often expect to split bills equally, even though their drinks cost a fortune compared to those who don't drink alcohol.

Thing is I think the number of people trying to scam their mates are few and far between.
But the number of people utterly rubbish at maintaining a running total ball park figure, factoring in tip etc is Very High. No intention to defraud. No turning a blind eye to what others have consumed. Just genuinely not noticing.

OP - you're so sure that you're accurate in your estimates - but have you ever checked?

I can’t abide people who sit there and calculate the bill. I wont go out with them

We just pay the lot, occasionally a friend beats us too it

I personally don't feel the need to work out the bill to the nearest penny, but some do. It's funny to watch the debate over who had what, with phone calculators out, everyone seems to arrive at a different total.😂

This isn’t my experience in my friendship/family groups. People drinking more always offer to pay their share. I offer to split but I don’t drink as I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding forever and can’t hack a hangover with small children. I guess that’s why we all do still go out together.

I disagree totally all the groups I mix with have developed their own rules over the years
group A split it to the nearest 50p based on actual spend
group B split evenly
group C split evenly but make deductions for non drinkers
group D argue over who pays the whole bill -it’s my turn, no it’s my turn etc
group E split evenly unless it’s a group member birthday or other celebration in which case we split their share between rest
group F pay for their own food - I pay for all drinks including coffees and add a tip (I’m the boss)

I don’t mind bills being split equally if each person’s amount is roughly the same. I mind if I’m out with a group of people who have several bottles of wine and/or cocktails, because that doubles the bill and I don’t drink alcohol.

Exactly this. Noone is going to make a post saying "just had a meal out with friends, some drank, others didnt but we all split the bill fairly" because what on earth is there to discuss from that? Obviously, people ARE going to post if they think something was dramatically unfair because its noteworthy and will elicit opinions both ways, plus they probably feel some kind of strong emotional reaction to it. Its self selecting.

We're a 'pay for what you've eaten' group and much prefer it that way - it means that people can order whatever they want, knowing that they won't be asking others to subsidise their meals or pay extra for food they didn't eat. Round it up by a few quid to cover tips and there we go, easy peasy. Helps having accountants and mathematicians in the group, it's all worked out in a few minutes. The ones who are reluctant to work out their own share are usually the ones who like others to take the sting out of their expensive choices - they must think they're eating out with mugs.

Agree generally with your OP.

Same op! I have never met a restaurant CF in my life thinking about it

I have groups of friends now where we usually split the bill equally although sometimes people will say "oh Fizbo, but you didn't have wine" or someone says they should pay more because they had a starter or a coffee for example but usually come to an agreement without itemising or working out individually. Someone might put a few quid more for a tip if they feel they should pay more.

However when I was younger (and poorer!) and met another group of friends regularly. One friend would often suggest splitting the bill equally when she blatantly was the only one who had 3 courses and wine while the rest of us had a main course and a soft drink and then try and guilt trip someone into giving her a lift home and not offer petrol money

We're a split evenly group. Mind you, we don't eat anywhere expensive and if you go to a mid price place, you're only ever really talking a euro or so in the difference. If someone wants individual bills, I'm fine with that but to be honest, I've never seen it make a substantial difference - most people seem to be within a few euro of each other anyway. It would be, in my experience, highly unusual for a group of friends not to meet around an average cost on these occasions.

And adding kids into the mix can make it more complicated too

If people have had similar food/drink, I prefer to split the bill. I hate adding up what everyone owes individually. It's obviously different if one had fillet steak and a couple of bottles of wine and the other had an omelette and a glass of wine.

I can't stand mean people. An EX-friend of mine insisted on adding her items individually when we were in a teashop because mine cane to 24p more than hers.

Agree with this except my personal experience is the 1s are affluent and just like to embarrass themselves.

This. In my experience, people who add up from the menu what they ordered often forget these things so like this. Particularly when there is an order shared things such as sparkling water and bread etc. So what happens is everyone puts down the money for what they ordered and without fail, the total is never enough to cover the bill, let alone a tip/ service charge. Then the more 'generous natured or those better off invariably end up paying the difference. There are there are always a few who insist they have left money for what they had and/or have left early leaving 'not quite enough' to cover their share.

Generally though I tend not to go for meals where everyone pays only exactly for what they ordered because working that out accurately so that the bill is actually fully covered on a meal for more than 2-3 people is often much too much hassle

We have friends who have been to ours for many meals over the years, we stopped it as it was costing he every time and they never repaid the invite. Now we go out and 9/10 they will say oh you pay and we will transfer later then ask my what they owe, never a huge difference, two kids, theirs is younger so eats from children menu. I've started giving them the bill and saying work it out when you get home as I can't be watching them sit and work it out on a calculator. They never tip either that's usually me.
Then I end up reminding them to transfer. They are higher earners than us, I'm not tight but I also don't like being taken for a mug.

On the other hand we have friends we've gone out with with DS they have adult DCs and insist on just splitting the bill down the middle. Which is kind but makes me feel guilty. But then we'd be the same if things were reversed.

If I am in a group where we normally split if k know I am eating much less expensive (Ie veggie versus steaks) I will also order a dessert to make up. Or another side.

If I am not drinking that is usually taken into account in any split. But now I often have low alcohol cocktails which are around same price so happy to split.

Absolutely this. And I really hate the people who say "let's split" with no awareness that the people watching their pennies have not had all 3 courses and drinks BECAUSE they're watching their pennies.

So I'd say there's a group 4 too. The oblivious "let's split" who don't mean to be CF's but haven't paid attention. Probably because they have enough money not to.

My worst friend for this is a vegetarian and her food is always a bit cheaper, however she's a really heavy wine drinker and forgets about the people driving who've not had any alcohol! She's known for being very tight and always argues about it because she's drunk too!

Now we go out and 9/10 they will say oh you pay and we will transfer later then ask my what they owe, never a huge difference, two kids, theirs is younger so eats from children menu. I've started giving them the bill and saying work it out when you get home as I can't be watching them sit and work it out on a calculator. They never tip either that's usually me.
Then I end up reminding them to transfer. They are higher earners than us, I'm not tight but I also don't like being taken for a mug.

I don't know why you still go out with them but next time you do just hand them the bill and say You pay and we'll transfer our share later (make sure you know exactly what your share is), or make life even easier and ask for separate bills when ordering and leave them to sort themselves out when it comes to paying.

Quibbling, penny-counting diners who want the menu back at the end of the meal so that they can get their calculator out and work out their personal liability, including an apportionment for the fact that the bread was charged extra and they only had one of the seven pieces are fabulous humans. But I sure as hell don't eat out with them twice!

(And they tend to be the ones who think that rounding up their £22.85 share to £23 is more than enough tip.)