To think there are two kinds of people when splitting the bill

[WoodenClock]

And people seem to have friends that are either one if the other, never a mix?

I have a fairly wide circle and go out to eat/drink quite often with various different groups, from well off to really quite hard up. Without exception, any "argument" about money will be because someone wants to be over generous/buy an extra round/pay more than their share. As groups, a non drinker will never get stitched up for a share of the drinks bill and heavy drinkers recognise that and volunteer to pay extra, they never need to be asked.

But there are so many threads on here where people haven't paid their share or where there's awkwardness about asking them to do so. I don't meet those people.

Why is that?

well you made it awkward?

its fair enough if its ALWAYS the same group going out and birthday person never pays. But often its different groups and it doesn't even up. And going out for someone's birthday in my circles is more "its time for us to go out - x's birthday soon so good excuse to meet up". Some birthdays celebrated with a dinner and others not.

Did you split the bill equally though?

@linerforlife - do you go out for every friends birthday? Had she had any gifts from the attendees?

I think it's much fairer to buy gifts and split the bill amongst all attendees unless it's a regular occurrence for everyone's birthday.

Plus as the person who sometimes has do do the Maths on the bill ( another reason why I'm glad when Accountant friend comes out) it's a pain in the rear end and there's always someone complaining about something. Worst was when I'd carefully split into wine drinkers share versus soft drink drinkers and then in a drunken haze I spotted the lady at the end who'd only had coffee and a cake not a meal. Of course she'd not said anything- nor had anyone else - so I had to recalculate, which is hard when drunk.

We are all over payers. It's exhausting. We always end up with about fifty quid over and then have to give it back to people.

Quick thinking there 😂

I think if you're well-off and either always have been well-off, or are a bit thoughtless generally, you might not consider that others are strapped - not because you're a bad person, exactly, but.. maybe a bit entitled/self-involved/lacking imagination/delete as appropriate.

There are quite a number of people who fall into this group I think - they might offer to pay for it all, or a good share of it, if they're feeling generous/wanting to play mein host/need the validation, but on another day they might just as easily order from the middle-top of the wine list and completely miss the panic on others' faces.

If you're well-off and thoughtful (or anxious, maybe), you will already have done the thinking as part of your general scanning/empathy/anxiety about doing the wrong thing.

If you're poor and either anxious or proud, you'll put in more than your fair share and not eat for the next week for fear of being judged tight or worse, a CF.

in the past I've often paid for things I can't afford, either because I am pathologically afraid of being judged tight or exploitative, or because I know that other people are also struggling (weird). But I also hate the feeling of being taken advantage of and get all indignant and churned up if I think that's happened. I also sometimes drink too much and only afterwards realise that I've really had more than my fair share. Nightmare combo 😀I have got much better at being honest about my circumstances though so it's all less fraught these days, on the few occasions that I go out ...

I also could never ever be attracted to a man who was mean in company. It's excruciating and repulsive. I quite admire general male thriftiness in other circumstances though - my ideal combo is thrifty/not many wants, but doesn't mind spending good money on 'quality' 😀and believes I generally deserve a treat.

No they aren't always the ones who forget the olives🙄.
But of a generalisation there.

Why on earth should I pay for what other people eat? I choose what I want to eat and what I can afford to eat and that's what I pay for. I also dont drink so why should I pay for table wine?

I would however pay my share for "olives" (if I had any) and my portion of the service charge.

@burnoutbabe trust me I realise my asking made it awkward - but I've genuinely never been out for someone's birthday and not split the cost of their meal between everyone. 3 courses for £40 is a pretty cheap night out (that included wine for some who weren't drinking), and I was shocked people wouldn't put less than a £5 in for her meal and the tip.

@rookiemere one person other than me brought a card and gift. I don't usually go out with her group of friends so I don't know if they always go out. Birthday meals have been a bit limited in the last 2 years though... but pre covid when I've been out with people we've always covered the birthday girl!

Never experienced a problem. Ever. Those that drink a lot are made to pay, those that drink little less. Only on MN is this a problem, not in RL.

Good point. Do you mean friend or aquitances OP?

There's also those people that pretend to get the bill or deliberately stall knowing someone else will pay. It boils down to personality and morals because I would always pay my way and I'm happy to go half's on the bill with my friend. I think going through the bill looks a but tight and picking out what you have had unless there's considerable difference.

Perhaps your assertive or tight yourself OP so you won't get the short straw!

also the sort of person who says "olves for the table" generally means - I WANT OLIVES AND I WILL EAT MOST. And generally they are not asking for approval for the purchase (i mean who would say NO), just telling everyone they are ordering them on everyone's behalf. if you want them, you pay.

My boss does this. but then he pays for it all :D

The groups I socialise with tend to split the bill evenly but always note if someone is not drinking and reduce their share (unless it’s cheeky tee total friend who said ‘I don’t drink’ but had a Mocktail on every round that cost more than a beer or a plain g&t etc) 🙄

the only time people pay their own share is with work. Any other time without exception we split equally

I have friends who fall into both camps and I generally go along with what the majority wants to do; EXCEPT where someone is a heavy/expensive drinker as I rarely drink.

Depends who ordered the olives and who ate them. If someone orders olives for the table I won't be eating them so I don't expect to pay for them. I nearly always just want my main and a drink or two. Unless there is a service charge on the bill then it is individual choice what people want to tip, so easy to just add 10% or whatever of their share.

There's the one who doesn't drink and eat like a sparrow and is on a limited budget and doesn't want to pay 5 times the value of what he or she had

That's fine and nor should they but in my experience they need to say at the start of the meal they are only paying for their own share. If they don't the CF's get angry and make it very awkward so the sparrow pays up at the end but says nothing then comes onto MN to vent rather than handling the situation at the time.

I’m always a bit surprised by these threads because I’m American. When we go out, whether a couple of friends or a large group, we just tell the server we want separate checks and that’s it. If it’s someone’s birthday or something and we want it all together, we let the server know. It’s just the way it’s done here, and you order whatever you want and you pay for it.

@MadCattery it's the same when I worked in Austria- individual bills were the default. Unfortunately it seems almost impossible to get this in the UK - cultural norms maybe?

In that case that should have been agreed before hand.Not dumped on people sitting at the table.
Maybe some people didnt have the extra to cover the birthday girl.

I have found it a lot easier since Covid as many more places have apps or QR codes to order on, so each person/couple uses their own phone to order and pay. Same table number means mains etc all arrive at the same time as each other. It's so much less hassle that I now deliberately suggest one of these places if going out for a meal with work colleagues or a new social group, to avoid the awkwardness.

The people I know who consistently want to pay the exact amount tend to overlook details like service charges, then the bill goes gappy and paying tends to be a palaver.
They also tend to be mean in other ways, such as never organising events themselves and always being last or flaky about commiting to participating.
The worst one I knew was the type that would only buy herself a coke, but if anyone else was paying, she'd have a double vodka in it.

I don't tend to have expensive taste or a large appetite but for the sake of a couple of quid, rounding up or splitting the costs tends to make life simpler. The people I know who consume more tend to be honest about it, and cover it directly, round their costs up and reinvest more in the friendships.

There's a difference in minding your costs and just being mean.

@MadCattery is there never tutting? Presumably that's quite a lot more work for the server if there are, say, 8 people eating?