AIBU to dread telling my DD no

[Funkyslippers]

DD (13) has got it in her head that she'd like to be homeschooled. She says she hates getting up early for school, being around people she doesn't like (most of the other pupils!), wasting time in lessons and not really learning anything (hard for me to comment on that as we haven't even had a parents' evening yet this year). After much persuasion on her part, I said I couldn't make a decision until I'd done some research. Well now I have and I've decided it won't work for her, for many reasons, mainly because she'd be on her own all day and is not particularly motivated and really quite lazy and there'd be noone to support her learning or check any gaps. Also she would have very little social interaction. I've already made these points to her but she had an answer for both but I've still made up my mind.

But she's set her heart on this and is absolutely convinced it's the right thing for her. I'm dreading going home later as she will start on at me again and I know once I've said no she will be heartbroken and angry. I hate to think of her unhappy at school but I'm not really sure she is, well no more than the average kid. I know school can be a bit of a chore but we all have to go through it and come out the other side.

I know I need to grow some but I just don't know how to handle this sensitively but getting my point across without an argument.

My answer would have been a non-negotiable, flat NO right from the start. Some things are just not up for discussion.

@GreenWillowAndCatkins

You can apply for an EHC Needs assessment yourself. You don't need to have the support of the school although of course it does help.

www.ipsea.org.uk/ehc-needs-assessments

And if your child was unable to attend school you should not feel you have to HE although I know a lot of parents feel pressurised into doing this.

The bottom line is under Section 19 of the Education Act 1996, the LA has a statutory duty to put suitable temporary alternative education in place for any child of compulsory school age who for whatever reason is unable to attend school.

www.ipsea.org.uk/getting-temporary-education-put-in-place

It is simple, you tell her it is not happening, you can't afford to give up work so she will be going to school.

Are they going to show all the dull, boring drudgery on the videos, the disagreements, or when things go wrong? of course not. They are presenting themselves in the best possible light.

I'd be completely honest with her. It's not in her best interests as she needs more social interaction and she isn't that sociable, and she's a bit lazy and won't be motivated. Tell her that if she bucks her ideas up and stops complaining about others, gets up at the right time and does all her homework so she isn't lazy then you might reconsider in two year's time. If she gets angry I'd tell her she is proving your point. I wouldn't dread telling her - that's what being a parent is about: acting in their best interests even when they don't recognise it.

I am amazed at the 18% of people who think it is fine to leave a 13-year-old in the house all day for five days a week

I can only assume they did not read the OP properly, nor the follow up posts from OP.

Thank you. We're lucky then, we have a local community college where my DS can do his exams for free. Syllabus and past papers you can download for free. I have spent money on workbooks, 10 min tests and revision cards. Lots of free resources on You Tube, BBC Bitesize and Oak Academy and lots more.

But people were responding to the idea of home education. Those kids don't just stay at home playing games and lying in bed.

I’ve taught several kids who have come back to school after a period of homeschooling. Without exception, they could barely access the curriculum. It’s almost as if it’s an advantage to be taught in an environment full of university educated experts in every subject.

My niece goes to a Sudbury school. If there's one near you it might be of interest? Won't suit every child (one of my DC would most likely thrive in that environment but it would be a disaster for the other).

It's a "democratic" school and pretty much everything the children do is self directed. My niece loves it. Think it costs a couple of grand per year though.

Lea will not approve the arrangement if they have enough cause to look into it, I don't think.

The sad thing is how desperately unhappy she sounds to leave somewhere that should be a nurturing place with friends and goals. Something is badly wrong but we can't know what. I also think something is wrong with your acceptance of her unhappiness.

What about a week trial so it seems your agreeing and yet it may prove your perspectives ?

Well, the lovely Turpins homeschooled too... And a few other examples I can think of.
My YouTube seems different from your daughter's :D

All the best, although would you be better with a separate thread ?

Lol! My kid too!

"I don't like home-schooling mummy! Can we do school-schooling next time?"

You don't have to take the full brunt of it, I can't see any LA being happy with a 13 year old being isolated in a house all day every day with no-one there to do any of the teaching, you can let them take some of the heat off of you 😉

I’ve seen some amazing examples of home schooling (wouldn’t be for us but have been impressed with some of the set ups I’ve seen)- but these involve getting to know a local home school community, lots of work going into making learning interesting and fun, with an emphasis on following the child’s lead in learning and designing unique ways to stretch this, trips out to educational places, external language classes with fluent teachers, lots of socialising opportunities, organised work experience placements and trips to local businesses, and lots more.

If you’re thinking ‘she can do a couple of hours work while I’m out’ that is honestly not a good idea OP. It wouldn’t be fair to your DD in the long run either. I don’t believe school is the only means to a good education, but if you’re going to decline the free state option, putting an alternative in place is a lot of hard work, and needs adults who are committed and excited about it. It doesn’t sound like it’s right for you and your DD with what you’ve said.

”I said no,” always worked for my mum after I bugged her at least half a dozen times — in that mum voice that I knew meant business.

It always worked on me.

This is what I thought too. Next time tell your DD no if anything happened OP you are responsible for your DD how can she think you can leave her 5 days a week whilst your at work!
Does your DD have friends at school?

I'd personally flat out no - bullet point reasons she's listed. I'd also point out I'm in no way qualified to mark work ! If she keeps on say ok 1/2 term we will do a week and print some tasks, agree a timetable . See how she goes.