To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

[Clementinemist]

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

I'd be over the moon if MIL did that for me.
As a busy full time worker, I would actually be really appreciative, and wouldn't see it as being judgemental at all.

One less job to do. I’d be happy. I’d be asking her round every week and leaving a few hairs in the bathroom 😂

It would irk me for sure, but I think she is trying to do something nice for you 🤮

YABU she did something nice for you and your DH.

Can't vote as on the app. I understand why you don't like it and find it intrusive. I would personally like it and feel that's one less thing to do. Having 3 kids and a job and wanting to keep a tidy, clean home is hard. Maybe she knew you was away, would be working all week and studying in the evenings so wanted to be nice and help you out a little bit

I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home

But it's also your husband's home & maybe he didn't care & didn't know that you would?

IKR, @ArcheryAnnie Completely ridiculous comment from that poster.

Had you said MIL had stayed overnight, I'd have thanked her.

Given that they only popped round for dinner, giving it a clean is a massive overstep of the boundaries. I'd be asking dh if he asked her to clean it and then telling him how unhappy
I was with either of the answers he could give!

I would have said thank you

I understand your POV totally. My ex-MIL used to blitz my house - including decorating - when me and exDH would go away on hols. I couldn’t be bothered to get annoyed after a bit. It made her feel useful and she liked our house better than her own 🤷‍♀️

Some pearls are being well and truly clutched here.

Wonder why he's an ex

I’m on the fence here.
When dc were little I would have loved someone doing this. Yet on the other hand when my mum was younger she used to come round and start major projects in my garden telling me to help crack on with her. Hours of cutting back hedges and trees then laying paving stones for example.
I felt bad saying I wanted to stop and out my feet up or even start cooking dinner.

I think those who are throwing up their hands in horror at the contents of the bathroom bin are missing the point. Yes, ideally it would have been emptied before the ILs visited, but its contents are nobody's business except the OP's and her DH's. MIL would never have been any the wiser about them if she hadn't been overstepping.

I'd hazard a guess that some of those who think the OP should be grateful the MIL 'did a nice thing' are MILs themselves and would do the same thing.

whaaaat? You had a
guest and uou didn’t clean bathroom or empty bin
full of condoms and san-pro

🤢

how
awful

Love how chilled you are Freddie 🤣

I can't imagine not emptying a bathroom bin daily. OP, 5 days with condoms and used sanpro is quite disgusting imo.

I don’t understand how you have a problem with her emptying your bin??
surely nobody pokes through a bin before taking it out to have a feel round for tampons condoms hair and yucky stuff???
and if you left the condoms or tampons unwrapped at the top and visible then surely they would be there to see for anyone using your bathroom where they might have to put something in bin!! I think you are using the bin scenario to make your moan sound more justified .

I'm afraid I'm like your MIL. When I visit people, if things are disorderly or need tidying up/cleaning, I'll do it. I can't stand things being a mess/unclean.

I'm also neurodivergent (ADHD and autism spectrum) and a nurse, so it could just be the nursing training or my head!

Don't take this as an insult. MIL saw a way to help you, so she did. She was trying to do a nice thing, not step on your toes. She probably knows you've just started a new job and evening classes and so wanted to help 😊

This whole thread reminds me of when, after I had redecorated my lounge and had a new suite delivered, I had taken some pictures to work.

Everyone kept saying "wow, your house is so clean" and by the time the fifth person said it, I was quite paranoid. Luckily this person was also a good friend so after she also made a comment, I told her that everyone had been saying this and asked her if people thought I lived in sh1t. Well, she roared with laughter, because my poor little neurodiverse brain really thought that but she explained that people usually say that when their houses aren't quite the same!

I just like cleaning and seeing the results which are immediate!

With regard to the bathroom bin and the tampons and condoms. I doubt very much that MIL raked through the bin, she probably saw that it was full and needed emptying.

Two of my children that still live at home have periods and they have to put their used sanitary products outside immediately. I also buy them scented nappy bags to put the products in before they throw them away.

I think to be having menstrual blood and seminal fluids in the bin for 5 days is way too long and also a biohazard.

I get that the bin has a lid, but if it's the only bathroom in the apartment and guests have to use it, then I'm sure it would be quite simple for either you or DH to put your rubbish in the bins on the way out to work in the mornings.

If I went to someone's house and had to put something in the bathroom bin and saw used sanitary products and condoms in the bin, I would also take the bag out, tie it up and ask where the outside bin is. Because it's a biohazard. I'm not knocking the OP, I would just worry about that from a clinical point of view.

Also to add, I've never had anyone take my tidying up of their home in a bad way. Possibly because my friends all know what I'm like by now but also because it's not a judgement, it's to help that person.

What on earth is a biohazard about tampons? Are they going to leap out of the bin and rampage around the bathroom infecting it with imaginary microbes?

Please send your MIL to my house :)

@NoToLandfill - shhhhh, tampons are just about mentionable.

There are women here who refuse to put a bin in their bathrooms for fear that women would put a tampon there. Guests have to bring their tampons home with them in their handbags, and how dare those hussies even think it's ok to have a period while visiting someone else.

@NoCleverNickname , has it ever struck you that people are being polite to you and not telling you they are annoyed when you clean up their houses?

If you came out of my bathroom carrying the liner from the little bathroom pedal bin, I would not say anything to you, and I might even say thank you for your helpfulness, but it would not be my true feelings, and I would not feel comfortable having you over again.