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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

421 replies

Clementinemist · 06/05/2022 00:14

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

OP posts:
Jinglebin1 · 07/05/2022 09:42

stuntbubbles · 07/05/2022 09:39

@speakout Every woman I know goes for a post-sex wee. Makes sense to drop the condom off in the bathroom bin while you’re there. If anything, the kitchen bin is more of a “public-facing” bin. And there’s no loo in there.

Why have you asked every woman you know if they go for a post-sex wee?

stuntbubbles · 07/05/2022 09:42

girlmom21 · 07/05/2022 09:00

Calling the OP a slattern because the bathroom needed a but of a wipe down!!!!

She's being called a slattern because the used sanitary products were at least 3 days old and used condoms were at least 5...

How on earth do you know? I’ve read all the OP’s posts and she says she was on her period “for like 2 days.” So 2-3 days for the sanitary stuff. The condoms in the OP are only “possibl[y]” in there – we may all be debating over non-existent condoms but we certainly can’t forensically date them to being “at least 5” days old.

stuntbubbles · 07/05/2022 09:45

@Jinglebin1 Where have I said I’ve asked them? Imagine if such things sometimes just came up in discussion!

TheWayoftheLeaf · 07/05/2022 09:46

I think it's personal. I don't give a shit who sees what but would love if someone cleaned my loo. But it bothered you - so ask your husband to tell her please not to do it again.

Can't take back it happening but can make sure it ends there. I think you're feeling judged by her, but you were away/out so really it's your husband who should've made sure the facilities were clean.

RosesAndHellebores · 07/05/2022 10:23

To the poster who upbraided me for saying I'd raise the subject of the filthy bathroom with my adult son, yes I would indeed, because keeping the bathroom clean would be as much his responsibility as his partner's. Whatever happened to equality.

The OP's description of the state of the bathroom sounded filthy to me. I don't believe either of my dc would be prepared to I've like that so I can't imagine it happening but if they did, they would get the sharp end of my tongue.

Jinglebin1 · 07/05/2022 10:46

stuntbubbles · 07/05/2022 09:45

@Jinglebin1 Where have I said I’ve asked them? Imagine if such things sometimes just came up in discussion!

Weird detail to drop into a conversation, but fair enough if that's how you roll.

Blarting · 07/05/2022 11:31

TheWayoftheLeaf · 07/05/2022 09:46

I think it's personal. I don't give a shit who sees what but would love if someone cleaned my loo. But it bothered you - so ask your husband to tell her please not to do it again.

Can't take back it happening but can make sure it ends there. I think you're feeling judged by her, but you were away/out so really it's your husband who should've made sure the facilities were clean.

So if the DH had not done his jobs, gone on a stag day and then moaned about his MIL doing it, saying his DW should've done it, that would be ok?

girlmom21 · 07/05/2022 13:52

@stuntbubbles if she'd been on her period for 2 days before she left and the MIL did the clean at some point during the time she'd been gone, they'd been there a while, hadnt they...

Very weird to argue over someone else's used sanitary products and condoms that shouldn't be sat in a bathroom bin when you go away for the weekend.

bringonsummer2022 · 07/05/2022 13:57

My mum does that and I'm grateful. When I visit my grandmother I often sneak upstairs and clean when she's having a rest. It's exactly what she would have done for me years ago. I did the same at my aunties before she went into care.
My grandma would be embarrassed if noticed something was dirty, but my intentions are the same as hers were when she came and cleaned my mum's house when we were little - you've got a lot on at the minute and I want to help lighten the load.

Mollymoo67 · 07/05/2022 14:08

bringonsummer2022 · 07/05/2022 13:57

My mum does that and I'm grateful. When I visit my grandmother I often sneak upstairs and clean when she's having a rest. It's exactly what she would have done for me years ago. I did the same at my aunties before she went into care.
My grandma would be embarrassed if noticed something was dirty, but my intentions are the same as hers were when she came and cleaned my mum's house when we were little - you've got a lot on at the minute and I want to help lighten the load.

I think a MIL doing it is often different to a mum doing it, though. Certainly is for me, as I get so much implied criticism from MIL as it is. That's why I'd be very uncomfortable with it personally.

MargosKaftan · 07/05/2022 14:13

Its always judgemental. Others on here might be fine with a family member walking into their bathroom and thinking "this isn't acceptably clean, they are obviously incapable of doing it so I will", but it is always a negative judgement on your house cleanliness- noone does this in a room they walk in and consider to be clean already.

I wouldn't do it in someone else's house. Far more polite to pretend to not see the mess /dirt, or ask "is there anything I can do to help?".

Stodge · 07/05/2022 14:45

Maybe the bathroom smelt like a butcher's shop and MIL couldn't stand it

girlmom21 · 07/05/2022 14:55

I think a MIL doing it is often different to a mum doing it, though.

But she's the DP's mom so it is a mom doing it...

WoodenClock · 07/05/2022 15:05

Why is OP taking it as an affront against her? Even if MIL did do it because it was filthy, it was her son's filthy bathroom.

Women get responsibility/blame for these things because they accept it.

Pixiedust1234 · 07/05/2022 15:19

I am still waiting for you to answer the DH questions.

Did he know she was cleaning it?
Did he allow it or tell her not to?
How does he feel about her cleaning it?

It is his bathroom too. He gets a say, especially since you say it was your job to clean it and didn't.

CockSpadget · 07/05/2022 15:30

MargosKaftan · 07/05/2022 14:13

Its always judgemental. Others on here might be fine with a family member walking into their bathroom and thinking "this isn't acceptably clean, they are obviously incapable of doing it so I will", but it is always a negative judgement on your house cleanliness- noone does this in a room they walk in and consider to be clean already.

I wouldn't do it in someone else's house. Far more polite to pretend to not see the mess /dirt, or ask "is there anything I can do to help?".

This!

toomuchlaundry · 07/05/2022 15:49

@girlmom21 but why do mums think it is necessary to do. Doubt you get dads doing it? Why do mums think cleaning is their role even in someone else’s house?

Mollymoo67 · 07/05/2022 15:53

I can only assume that those who don't see the problem or think the OP is being ungrateful don't have a judgemental MIL. OP did say her MIL was quite judgy. Mine is too and I can totally relate. I'd be horrified if my MIL took it upon herself to clean, whatever her motives, because she would definitely judge and she wouldn't keep quiet about it either.

girlmom21 · 07/05/2022 16:04

toomuchlaundry · 07/05/2022 15:49

@girlmom21 but why do mums think it is necessary to do. Doubt you get dads doing it? Why do mums think cleaning is their role even in someone else’s house?

Because it's generally always older women who adhere to gender stereotypes, perhaps?

I was just responding to the poster who suggested it's ok for moms but not MILs Hmm

stuntbubbles · 07/05/2022 16:44

Very weird to argue over someone else's used sanitary products and condoms
There’s 300+ responses in this thread, including yours – I’m not out here alone arguing about used sanitary products and condoms that literally don’t affect you and can be left in the OP’s bin as long as she likes, it’s a bin.

Burgoo · 07/05/2022 16:48

Maybe clean up your own home if you don't want visitors to do it for you!
And I am not saying YOU but rather both of you. My wife and I have to do a full blitz every time the in-laws come round because we are lazy Fs

CountryMouse22 · 07/05/2022 17:58

Send her to me, she can do the whole house!

Hmm1234 · 07/05/2022 18:09

Aslong as she put everything back in the correct place I wouldn’t mind. YABU she did the dirty work for you

Grrrrdarling · 07/05/2022 18:10

Clementinemist · 06/05/2022 00:14

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

I can sort of see where you are coming from but personally I’d just be thankful someone else did a job I knew needed doing. Maybe talk to her about how the invasion of bin privacy made you feel but I can’t see much else for you to be upset about. At the end of the day rubbish is rubbish & the bin needed emptying so she did it & you now don’t need to clean the bathroom ❤

MaudieandMe · 07/05/2022 18:12

Poor MIL. She did you a favour cleaning your bathroom and you’re having a bitch about her? Jeez.
I can’t believe you left used sanitary pads/tampons in your bathroom bin and went away for the week-end. That’s seriously minging.