My husband won't tell me who he voted for today?

[FreeFlowersForAll]

AIBU?

I spoiled my ballot.

My husband won't tell me who he voted for, and he's annoyed that I keep asking? Surely this is the kind of info that should be shared between a man and wife?

It's none of your business who he voted for.

So who should she have voted for? Any old person?

Any old person = any random person, obviously

I don't have to ask DH and he doesn't have to ask me. We talk about politics very regularly and are a very political household. If he asked though I would tell him, but I'd tell anyone as I'm always up for a healthy debate on politics. If DH wouldn't tell me who he voted for I'd assume he voted tory, but I'm from Liverpool and that's like a sin 😂

Just to add if he did vote Tory I wouldn't go mad or anything, just be a bit confused and ask why. It's important to me in a relationship that our political values align.

Well said.

21 years, have children and you’ve no idea what your partner even earns in salary and wouldn’t ask?? Utterly bizzare.

But someone has to run the country and these were the people willing to have a go. If you don’t agree with them you should be doing something productive, about it not leaving it to everyone else to sort out.
if everyone spoiled their vote we’d still be no better off. There’s no miracle party waiting to step in and take over. It’s a waste of time.

YABU to spoil your vote. It means nothing.

@peachgreen this ‘one issue’??! You mean the systematic quiet rolling back of women’s rights?? It’s a naive person who thinks this is ‘one issue’. Women haven’t had the freedoms they enjoy for long. They can easily be taken away while people like you turn a blind eye. Look at what’s happening in the US. Your ignorance is astounding.

Yes, it's always 'women, get to the back of the queue, we'll sort your problems when we've sorted everything else'. Which of course never happens, so it just gets worse for women.

The cognitive dissonance it takes not to recognise that gender critical feminism has done more to embolden right wing misogyny than anything is astounding. Biological essentialism and alliances with right wing hate groups alone.

The least worst option, like most of the rest of us. Do I like the party that got my vote? No, not really - there's lots and lots of issues I disagree with them on, some of which I feel very passionate about. But they are the best shot in my area at keeping out the party who have run this country into the ground. And if they succeed in getting in, I'll start contacting them with my concerns about those specific aspects of policy that I disagree with. That's how democracy is supposed to work.

@peachgreen
did you know that a small part of ‘this one issue’ is to do with the safety of women in prison. For example, this person is currently housed in a women only prison.

Ms Bourke told gardaí Ms Kardashian had told her: “If I got into (my mother’s) house I would run towards her and put the knife into her body and into her genitalia the thing is, I would want to prolong my mum’s suffering for as long as possible.

“I would stab her, but not in her heart or neck, I’d want to put her through lots of torture, fear and humiliation.

“I would bring a screwdriver to insert inside her genitalia because I am a woman and women rape using objects it would definitely be a long protracted incident, I would want her to bleed out after death after a number of hours, by putting objects into her vagina, pouring boiling water into that area .”

Ms Ryan said Ms Kardashian also spoke about “not wanting” to carry out a random killing of a “small female in the community” if she could not kill her mother.

m.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/barbie-kardashian-told-social-workers-of-plan-to-stab-and-torture-mother-to-death-limerick-trial-hears-41618497.html

but sure you don’t care about those women. It’s only ‘one issue’ after all 🙄

It depends entirely on the marriage. It's clear from this thread that in some relationships this would be fine, but in my marriage if one of us refused to tell the other who we voted for it would definitely spell trouble. Partly because it would be out of character for us to be secretive about anything, so the other one would naturally find it odd. But mostly because we're both very political, it's something we talk about a lot and our shared values are one of the things that bind us together. How anyone can say that the political beliefs and values of your own spouse are "none of your business" is beyond me! But I appreciate every marriage is different.

The only possible reason for my DH not to want to discuss his vote with me would be if he had voted for a right wing candidate. This would mean a fundamental shift had occurred in his core values, priorities and personal ethics which would essentially mean he wasn't the same man I married. To me, that's a very big deal.

How does wasting your vote show that you care about women? Please, enlighten me. Do you think allowing the Tories to continue forcing more and more single mothers into poverty is helping women?

If there are no gender critical candidates in your area to vote for, then vote for the candidate who is most likely to do good in other areas you care about, and then go and kick up a stink with them about gender critical issues all you like. That's what I mean by it being "one issue". It is not worth wasting your vote over.

@peachgreen ah ok so those pesky gender critical women need to shut up and not have an opinion as they are ‘emboldening right wing misogyny’ 🙄🙄🙄

You’ve heard it now ladies. Be nice, be kind, vote quietly and don’t express any opinions as you’re making people more prejudiced against women. It’s all your fault.

I don't get how people don't discuss politics with their partners, either, even if it's just a passing comment on whichever MP is on the box being particularly twattish, obviously lying etc.

I'm not suggesting people should be glued to the news channel and parliament channel all day and night, but surely there are political items on the news that would provoke anyone to have a view and express it?

You're putting words into my mouth that bear absolutely no resemblance to my posts. I literally just said that you should kick up a stink about it if you want to. Have all the opinions you like! Just don't waste your fucking vote. Not over anything. Because there is ALWAYS a less worse option. And by not voting for that less worse option, you are essentially voting for the worst one.

If my dh asked me who I voted for and kept asking he would be told quite firmly to jog off and mind his own business. Spoiling your vote is a bit twattish imo but there you have it.

It’s not really a valid political statement to spoil your vote because nobody in power cares. The number of spoilt ballots in the U.K. has never risen above 1% in any election ever. Nobody ever reads them or looks at them. The parties are told simply that 0.2% or whatever of votes were spoilt.

And in the same breath they are told the % of voters who refused to vote at all. The 2019 general election had 32.7% of voters not vote. Did that send a signal? Did that get any party to change and try and attract more voters? Fuck no. That’s about the average we roll at as 2017 wasn’t much different at 31.2% of voters not voting.

So I have to wonder at the sanity of people suggesting that spoiling your vote is going to send a message, get parties and candidates to engage more with their constituencies, and so on.

Spoiling your vote accomplishes nothing. It is the same as not voting only you’re cheekily and selfishly creating more work and headaches for the volunteers who count votes at the polling stations.

@peachgreen sorry you specifically said, and I quote gender critical feminism has done more to embolden right wing misogyny than anything nice to blame women for daring to have opinions.

Also, spoiling your vote is using your vote. It shouldn’t be done lightly but no one is obliged to vote for the ‘least worst candidate’ and no one should be cursed at like you have done to me for not doing what you want with my vote - voting for a candidate simply to have voted for someone isn’t a responsible use of your vote. Spoiling your ballot is a form of protest & it should not be confused with not voting.

Spoiling your ballot is a form of protest & it should not be confused with not voting.

Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Well with that well reasoned response I guess there’s nothing left to say 🙄

Spoiling your ballot achieves nothing though. It may make you feel like you’re protesting, but the outcome is no different to not turning up. If you spoil your ballot-nobody knows, nobody cares. The person with the most votes wins.