My husband won't tell me who he voted for today?

[FreeFlowersForAll]

AIBU?

I spoiled my ballot.

My husband won't tell me who he voted for, and he's annoyed that I keep asking? Surely this is the kind of info that should be shared between a man and wife?

Judging by some on this thread, there are MNers who’d like to go back to the bad old days when voting (if you did have a vote) was anything but private, so that anyone who voted the ‘wrong’ way could be hanged by their entrails from the nearest lamppost - or at the very least, ostracised.

On a previous GE day, a party worker came to the door asking how I’d voted. I said politely that it was a private matter. Dh didn’t mind telling them, but then he chats to Jehovah’s Witnesses, too, rather than telling them rather more politely to sod off.

Did all of your local candidates express anti feminist views? Where there not enough women on the ballot? Was there no one running as an independent? If you feel that strongly maybe you should run for local council.

*Were

I voted in the morning, DH went after work and then we shared exactly how we ranked each option on our ballots. Turns out we voted almost identically, just two parties were inverted.

I'd find it weird if he didn't tell me but as others have said, it's his business. We are both pretty political and well-aligned in that respect, though.

Same - I can't imagine marrying someone without knowing their political views, I wouldn't get past casual dating with someone if we weren't on the same page!

DH and I talked about politics on our first date - not in a 'interviewing each other' kind of way, but we're both quite political and it came up in conversation and we spent the next hour talking about it . In fact, I only have a couple of friends who I don't know their voting choices - almost everyone I know is quite open about it.

I find it weird when people think you should keep it private: if you believe in it enough to vote for it, why are you hiding it?

YABU. It's absolutely none of your business who he, or anyone else, voted for.

Maybe he voted Tory and is ashamed to admit so.
Maybe he voted Labour, and as a Jew, he is ashamed to have done so.
Maybe he spoiled his paper because he couldn't vote Tory but refused to vote for one of the numerous non-Tory parties with no policies.
Maybe he closed his eyes and placed his cross randomly and doesn't actually know who he voted for.
Maybe he voted for the candidate with whom he is having a secret affair.
Maybe he has decided that any argument with you over how he voted would be much worse than the argument caused by not telling you.

Take the hint he doesn’t want to tell you. Call it a joke as much as you like there is a fine line between that and pestering! How often is bullying excused as “banter”

and just like not voting spoiling your paper is just like a vote for the worst option!

I find it weird when people think you should keep it private: if you believe in it enough to vote for it, why are you hiding it?

The privacy and anonymity of every vote is the default position, if a person chooses to continue that with their friends, family, acquaintances that’s their right. It’s not weird, it’s a layer of protection to ensure that the individuals vote is influenced by them alone. ‘Nothing to hide, nothing to fear’ is a sinister notion in the context of elections.

I agree it implies various things about a relationship if people feel they can’t openly discuss their political views especially in a scenario when it would be easy enough to lie and just say something to stop being badgered. If that were me I’d take the hint that no matter how strongly I felt about a particular issue my partner didn’t appreciate being dragged into debates that they fundamentally don’t agree with or don’t care about. It’s a very personal reaction as to where that would take me/the relationship.

If he doesn't want to say then he voted tory. Surely you have talked about the current situations and know if he would be willing to vote tory after what they've done recently? For me I couldn't be with someone with such different opinions and can't understand why you would keep it secret when who you vote for is so important why you wouldn't be able to state who and why if its your belief that its the correct thing to do.

Or maybe he knows his wife is on MN, and knows the amount of shaming, ironically on AIBU threads, that is carried out. Jumping on somebody for their vote choice is playground bullying.

I would respect the fact they don't want to tell me, because it is a secret ballot and that is very important.
But I would find them personally pompous and annoying.
Like I respect that people have the right to ask me to take my shoes off when I enter their house, and I will follow their wishes, and I won't huff. But I find them annoying for doing so.

It's none of your business.

I would respect the fact they don't want to tell me, because it is a secret ballot and that is very important.
But I would find them personally pompous and annoying

….and they very well may be. Or, perhaps you (a theoretical you since I know nothing about you!!) are politically dogmatic and unpleasant to engage with unless their views align with your own.

Rather than lying for the sake of a quiet life it’s a way of shutting down conversation without giving someone anything to feed off. A vote was cast and that’s all that’s known so someone doesn’t have to compromise their own beliefs or get into a conversation they know isn’t going anywhere.

I thought 'spoiled ballots' were registered. Personally I think they're a bit pointless but they indicate a lack of suitable options for some people, so they have some democratic value, I suppose.

as a feminist, I have nobody to vote for

I'm a feminist and I found someone to vote for - and, more pressingly, the greedy, bigoted, self-serving, disingenuous, unscrupulous liars to vote against. What you actually mean is that you're a gender critical feminist and that one issue is, unbelievably, so much more important to you than anything else that you wasted your vote and will be part of the reason the country will continue to be run by the most incompetent shower of frauds that have ever governed it. But hey, so long as Jonny at the counting office knows that you're not voting until there's an ADULT HUMAN FEMALE party, that's what matters.

Not your business. You’re individuals.

This in spades. Your attitude stinks

If you're the kind of dickhead who's gonna start a thread/kick off about it then I can understand why

It’s the local elections, these should be about local issues not national ones whatever anyone says. I voted for a party that I felt would do the best job locally, that I’d never vote for nationally. Maybe he’s the same? Maybe he thinks you’ll judge due to this. Ultimately it’s none of your business.

He voted for a party you don't approve of and is avoiding a fight.

I can appreciate that a partner's voting could affect how you see them (it would for me, especially in the current climate) but at the the end of the day it was his choice to make and he doesn't have to tell you.

Probably best if you avoid watching Question Time together for a bit, OP!

Maybe he voted Labour, and as a Jew, he is ashamed to have done so.

In the borough where a quarter of the people who in the UK are Jewish live, there is for the first time a Labour council.

Still a secret ballot though and should remain so.

Oh FFS I have never ever told anyone how I voted, but that doesn't mean I'm ashamed of it/obviously voted Tory/labour/green /have different views from my dh or any of the other strange views expressed by some posters here. Quite apart from anything else, I'm in the politically restricted category at work and I can't do my job properly if I tell people how I voted.

Well done on wasting a vote as a human.

i mean spoiling… maybe he also thinks you’re spoiling for a fight or lecture on how he should have done this and that to support your feminist views etc etc. 🙄

I haven't asked DP who he voted for and he hasn't asked me. Never have done. The same with my parents, I can probably hazard a guess at what their political leanings were (they're both gone now), but who they actually voted for I have no idea. I've never seen it as an issue tbh.