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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nobody offered to pay today

241 replies

Justcallmeanatm · 05/05/2022 21:12

Went out for a meal should have been 4 of us. Picked up friend and her Mil. Met 4th friend at the restaurant to find out the friend I had picked up had invited one of her other friends. Ok no biggie so far. We all sat talking eventually I said should we order drinks every one put there order in and I go to the bar order and pay for them
When I got back to the table the extra guests husband had just sat down (only met him and his wife once before) asked him what he wanted to drink go and buy it sit down.
After about 30 mins we decided to order food. So they were all shouting out their orders to me wtf. I said ok whose going up to order nobody answered. Felt embarrassed at the silence so I stood up with my purse and asked if someone else would come with me to order. Friend came with me and husband of extra guest. Ordered the food for us four friends the the husband shouted out his order. It was rang up and the server said the amount due. They just stood there quiet not offering to pay any part of the bill so I pay. Got back to the table two more guests more family members of the friend I had picked up ok wtaf. Anyway I didn't buy them a drink they got their own and didn't stay to eat. Sorry for the ramble but my question aibu to think that the friend I picked up was taking the piss inviting all these other people and aibu to think they were all taking the piss not offering to pay for their drink or their food. And no I am not well off but I am bloody annoyed and upset
Should have said I have name changed for this

OP posts:
YarnHoarder · 05/05/2022 22:37

I honestly think you'll feel better once you've asked. It's going to continue to play on your mind (if you're anything like me) for days yet and the next time you go to this place you'll remember then too. I'd just ask, be a blunt or as nice as you feel comfortable but keep it short. I need the money back, here's my details, please transfer asap. At least you'll know you've tried to regain some sense of control over this situation and hopefully make them think twice before trying it on with someone else.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 05/05/2022 22:39

@BobJowl As have many others. Any reason you are not calling them out too or do you have a beef with me personally?

And like it or not it is a stupid thing to do as the OP herself admits freely.

grapewines · 05/05/2022 22:43

I don't think I will ask them to transfer the money too embarrassed

Swallow that and ask for the money back. People will respect you more, and you will know that you asserted yourself. It will help you in the future.

AuntieDolly · 05/05/2022 22:43

Why are you embarrassed? They're should be embarrassed being such cf's! Find your anger - I'm cross for you.

ilovesooty · 05/05/2022 22:43

How can you be too embarrassed to ask for money they owe you?

Kite22 · 05/05/2022 22:45

I wish people would make it clearer what the AIBU question is. This is the 2nd thread today where I suspect I have answered a different question from that some others are answering.
I said YABU, because, IMO, YWBVU to just pay and not ask each and every one of them for the money.
I can't believe that people you didn't even know, would expect a stranger to buy them meals. I can see it happens sometime with a round of drinks, but no-one is just going to buy all the food for a bunch of people.

As everyone else has asked, why didn't you just say "So that is £18 between you pair, £9 for you, £7.50 for you, etc etc" once you got to the table ? Confused

WitchDancer · 05/05/2022 22:45

What have you got to loose by asking for what they owe you? If it was an honest mistake then they'll pay up straight away. If they did it on purpose then they're no friends of yours and you can cut them loose. Please just send a text or message saying they forgot to pay you back for the meal.

BobJowl · 05/05/2022 22:47

AChocolateOrangeaday · 05/05/2022 22:39

@BobJowl As have many others. Any reason you are not calling them out too or do you have a beef with me personally?

And like it or not it is a stupid thing to do as the OP herself admits freely.

If you don't want to be called out, don't be unnecessarily rude 🤷🏽‍♀️ no good deflecting on other posters, you said what you said.
I replied to you as you were the first poster I noticed who outright called OP stupid (as opposed to a pushover) ..if others also did, they're being dicks too..

BobJowl · 05/05/2022 22:51

AChocolateOrangeaday · 05/05/2022 22:39

@BobJowl As have many others. Any reason you are not calling them out too or do you have a beef with me personally?

And like it or not it is a stupid thing to do as the OP herself admits freely.

Also someone saying they've done something stupid is not the same as a complete stranger on the internet kicking someone while they're down by saying "No one is this stupid"

mdinbc · 05/05/2022 22:52

I'm wondering if your dinner mates were a different culture from traditional Brits? Maybe they assumed if you organized a meal out then you were paying. The shouting out of orders was a clue.

If so, then be gracious and pay, but never put yourself in that situation again.

InstaHun88 · 05/05/2022 22:57

Why are you embarrassed to ask for the money? I can understand things getting out of hand there, you were shy, they were cheeky, you were too shocked to say something. But why be embarrassed to ask for payment now?

Sally872 · 05/05/2022 22:58

AChocolateOrangeaday · 05/05/2022 22:39

@BobJowl As have many others. Any reason you are not calling them out too or do you have a beef with me personally?

And like it or not it is a stupid thing to do as the OP herself admits freely.

@AChocolateOrangeaday As I tell my kids someone else doing it does not make it ok.

You were a bit harsh. OP knows it was silly and seems like people have really taken advantage of her which she now realises and is upset about.

GroggyLegs · 05/05/2022 22:58

Youv had loads of good advice OP.

You are NOT being cheeky to ask for your money. They have treated you terribly.

Bright and breezy 'Hi all, please can we sort out the bill for today - Barbara, can you pay for random Jill & Bryan and get it back when you see them?'

Cheeky robbing bastards.

ResidentHortensia · 05/05/2022 22:58

Oh OP, once upon a time I would have acted as you did. I'm much tougher now, and hopefully you will be too. You now have nothing to lose, so send them your bank details and ask for payment. Just a breezy "Hi, great to see you today. Here are my bank details for you all to settle up what you owe me. Your bill came to....."

AChocolateOrangeaday · 05/05/2022 23:00

@BobJowl Not deflecting in the slightest, just wondering why you were having a go at me when others had said the same.

Obviously we disagree on the definition of rude.

Some may say using profanity in a post is rude but you clearly do not.

I completely stand by what I said, which was to affirm what the OP herself had stated, that she was stupid.

mummymayhem18 · 05/05/2022 23:04

That's ridiculous that they behaved like that. I just don't understand the brass neck of it all. So you're saying you actually ended up paying for peoples you don't even know? That's a complete piss take. But I'm afraid I'm going to say what most are probably thinking " Don't be so bloody pathetic and get asking for the money back". They obviously think you're a mug for the manner you describe what happened. I don't mean to be nasty about it but I'm fuming on your behalf. At least message them and have a bit of self respect and think "no friggin way are they getting away with that".

Gazelda · 05/05/2022 23:11

Justcallmeanatm · 05/05/2022 22:28

Shinyandnew1
The meal was £34.47. The drinks were £16.10. And the husband drink was £3.75. It is a Green King where two meals for £11.49. I don't think I am upset as much about the cost it is more the realization that they all behaved like that and it is glaring oblivious that don't give a damn about me. I guess none of them are sitting at home crying like I am. I don't think I will ask them to transfer the money too embarrassed but I will never do that again
Thank you again for all your posts I do appreciate them all

It's one thing to let them get away with this behaviour at lunch. It's a whole other level of passivity to not message asking for payment. You don't need to have to face them or look them in the eye. You'll not ruin a friendship because you've already discovered they're not people you'd want to be friends with. You have absolutely nothing to lose by messaging.

And if you're really concerned about s bollocking from your DH then at least you can say you've asked for reimbursement. Wouldn't he be angrier if you made no attempt to claim what you're owed? But why are you so scared of your DH? That's not good either.

doggiescats · 05/05/2022 23:21

If this actually did happen then you most definitely should Watts app asking for payment…it’s the least you can do to make yourself feel better and improve your self esteem!

PlasticineMeg · 05/05/2022 23:24

Sorry OP but I think you’re a bit of a mug for just letting that happen. WHY didn’t you say “we will have to pay separately but I’ll put the order in”

Sswhinesthebest · 05/05/2022 23:25

Please just text the bill to your friend and ask them to sort it.

alltheteeshirts · 05/05/2022 23:32

As has been repeatedly said, you have nothing to lose by sending them a message asking for them to wire their share to you.

Either you'll get the money back, or you'll know they're CFers and you'll ditch fake friends.

Invisimamma · 05/05/2022 23:34

You should message your friend and say 'im not sure if you realised but I paid the full bill for lunch today, yours, mil and friends was £x . Can you transfer it over? Thanks'

hotchocandtwosmokybacon · 05/05/2022 23:34

It's not embarrassing to ask them back for money they should pay. They should be the ones to feel embarrassed. Just text your friend and ask her to pay for the share of all those she invited to the dinner. It's almost unheard of that someone should buy others dinner when it's not even a special occasion you invited them to

heidipi · 05/05/2022 23:34

Mean of them to land you with the bill and waltz off - just text them "Hey it was lovely to see you all today. We forgot to sort out the bill - here it is, do you want to split it or all pay for our own? x"

WingingItSince1973 · 05/05/2022 23:38

I don't know anyone who would just sit there while you pay and them not even offer, and not even putting down a tip! My family and friends would never be so blatantly cheeky. You have nothing to loose by messaging them all in a group WhatsApp. You will feel so much better that you stood up for yourself.

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