Nobody offered to pay today

[Justcallmeanatm]

Went out for a meal should have been 4 of us. Picked up friend and her Mil. Met 4th friend at the restaurant to find out the friend I had picked up had invited one of her other friends. Ok no biggie so far. We all sat talking eventually I said should we order drinks every one put there order in and I go to the bar order and pay for them
When I got back to the table the extra guests husband had just sat down (only met him and his wife once before) asked him what he wanted to drink go and buy it sit down.
After about 30 mins we decided to order food. So they were all shouting out their orders to me wtf. I said ok whose going up to order nobody answered. Felt embarrassed at the silence so I stood up with my purse and asked if someone else would come with me to order. Friend came with me and husband of extra guest. Ordered the food for us four friends the the husband shouted out his order. It was rang up and the server said the amount due. They just stood there quiet not offering to pay any part of the bill so I pay. Got back to the table two more guests more family members of the friend I had picked up ok wtaf. Anyway I didn't buy them a drink they got their own and didn't stay to eat. Sorry for the ramble but my question aibu to think that the friend I picked up was taking the piss inviting all these other people and aibu to think they were all taking the piss not offering to pay for their drink or their food. And no I am not well off but I am bloody annoyed and upset
Should have said I have name changed for this

I don't understand why you didn't just say
X you had the pasta, that's £6
Y you had the fish, that's however much
Etc , etc

They're not your friends. Sorry.

I just don’t understand how you let that happen. Or agreeably how they all let you… but really? You felt awkward when no one said anything to just paid for everyone’s lunch!?

Yeah u shld have said when u got bk to the table. How do u all want to pay split it evenly or pay ur own. That's what I'd have down. Absolutely so cheeky. If I were treating a friend or 2 then I know it's awkward but u shld have down the same and said I'll pay for X though too.

More cool you tbh. Why didn't you just order your own and let the other two that were at the ordering station sort theirs out?

OP, did you sort it out at the end and everyone gave you their share? I find it hard to believe out of five other people not one offered to pay you back, so you must have been reimbursed. If you weren't...I just can't believe no-one said anything and let you pay, and you said nothing either.

I would not have offered the husband a drink either when he showed up after your initial round.

Was it a Special occasion?

Please do this OP don't let people take advantage of you!

I honestly don't understand how everyone there ..including the additional tag alongs.. had the same idea about keeping quiet and expecting you to pay. I can't get my head around that part unless one of your 'friends' gave them the impression that you were a push over. That said, whether you're a softy or not, they are in the wrong and massively cheeky, please don't let it lie.

You should just ordered and paid for your own food. They’re a brunch of CFs.

Please don’t tell me you paid for everyone?

What were you thinking, OP?!

But you paid. I'm confused. You say oh I just hot the drinks, someone rose fsn get the food and we will reckon up at the end. Or similar to say you aren't paying.

Never ever go out with them Again?

I said yabu because why on earth didn’t you just ask them for money? I sometimes order for everyone and just tell people how much it is each.

Why on earth did you pay?

@Unanananana sums it up pretty welll:

Why the fuck did you pay? You should have just told them all to order their own.

The Whatsapp group is a good idea. But my word, next time if there is a next time take your backbone with you.

Whenever i read these threads about a CF and a pissed off, out of pocket Op i never quite know what to say....
I know i should be sympathetic but ffs grow a spine. These people know exactly what they are doing and they see push overs coming a mile off

You are being unreasonable because you handled this so badly. No one should have left without paying.
I mean, what CFs!! Who in earth actually does that in real life just presuming one person is paying for them????
Get other friends

No sympathy. Why on earth would you not say anything at the time.

No nobody not one person offered any payment not one. I paid because I am a soft touch and I would have expected at the end for someone to offer I didn't want to ask and yes I know I should have. Nobody offered to put any money in for a tip in fact it was not mentioned. I did feel uncomfortable not leaving a tip but jeez they could have done that at least
The new friend did say she would buy me a drink next time. There will not be a next time and also have to tell dh and of course he will go mad and of course he will be right to do so. The restaurant was a chain not really expensive but that is not the point. I honestly have no idea why they thought it was my shout especially the people I don't know. I am bracing myself for a rollicking from dh and upset with myself for being a wimp.

why did you feel embarrassed at the silence? Why didn’t you just go to the bar and order your food and drink for yourself and let them worry about themselves? Why did you feel that you had to pay for people you don’t know? Just why?

Can't believe you'd just quietly paid.

Message them and ask for your money back. And next time you're in a similar situation find your voice!

Had you suggested the lunch out in the first place/was it your birthday?

Did you say...Does anyone want to come to my birthday lunch?.... and they'd all assumed it was an invite and you were paying?

Really OP 🤨

I don’t understand either. I’m not the most assertive person and that’s why I’d never pay like you seem to have done with no agreement beforehand. It should have been obvious it could create issues. Even then I’m not paying upfront for people like that. Presumably it was a place like Wetherspoons if you had to pay up front and in that case people could just order and pay for their own food.

I would never expect anyone else to pay for me in a situation like this. Sounds like a normal meal, no special occasion (where you might cover someone's birthday etc) and then for loads of uninvited extra people to turn up.

Alongside messaging the bill with you bank details (if you haven't already) I'd be saying it was a surprise other people turned up as you was expecting a girls/work/friends/etc meal. I can't believe they all just let you pay without so much as suggesting they'll pay for their own drink and you offering to cover the original 4 drinks.

You need a plan to deal with this in the future if you ever go out with them again(I'd be reconsidering any future plans). Say you're going to order your meal, I'll let you all finish deciding or let's go order our meals, I'll go first, you watch the bags. I'm just shocked so many people didn't even offer to pay their way.

Not one person offered to pay? Sounds highly likely to me that they'd pre-arranged to take advantage.