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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nobody offered to pay today

241 replies

Justcallmeanatm · 05/05/2022 21:12

Went out for a meal should have been 4 of us. Picked up friend and her Mil. Met 4th friend at the restaurant to find out the friend I had picked up had invited one of her other friends. Ok no biggie so far. We all sat talking eventually I said should we order drinks every one put there order in and I go to the bar order and pay for them
When I got back to the table the extra guests husband had just sat down (only met him and his wife once before) asked him what he wanted to drink go and buy it sit down.
After about 30 mins we decided to order food. So they were all shouting out their orders to me wtf. I said ok whose going up to order nobody answered. Felt embarrassed at the silence so I stood up with my purse and asked if someone else would come with me to order. Friend came with me and husband of extra guest. Ordered the food for us four friends the the husband shouted out his order. It was rang up and the server said the amount due. They just stood there quiet not offering to pay any part of the bill so I pay. Got back to the table two more guests more family members of the friend I had picked up ok wtaf. Anyway I didn't buy them a drink they got their own and didn't stay to eat. Sorry for the ramble but my question aibu to think that the friend I picked up was taking the piss inviting all these other people and aibu to think they were all taking the piss not offering to pay for their drink or their food. And no I am not well off but I am bloody annoyed and upset
Should have said I have name changed for this

OP posts:
RewildingAmbridge · 05/05/2022 22:14

You need to message them, 'I'm sure we all just got carried away and forgot before having, but I hadn't anticipated buying everyone lunch. Here's the receipt and my bank details can you please transfer the money for your meal and drinks.'

1AngelicFruitCake · 05/05/2022 22:14

You need to send them the bank details and say to send you the money, continue to do so until you get it!

RewildingAmbridge · 05/05/2022 22:14

*leaving

PrincessRamone · 05/05/2022 22:15

Honestly OP, don’t let this go! I like the idea of a WhatsApp group with a photo of the receipt and your bank details.

Autienotnaughtie · 05/05/2022 22:16

Lesson learnt. If you are every in that situation again you say "my share is X can I it that on my card please" then you walk away.

HappyCup · 05/05/2022 22:18

I voted YABU because you let them walk all over you!

You need to message them. “Your meal and drinks from today came to £X. My bank details are [details].”

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/05/2022 22:18

Justcallmeanatm · 05/05/2022 21:43

No nobody not one person offered any payment not one. I paid because I am a soft touch and I would have expected at the end for someone to offer I didn't want to ask and yes I know I should have. Nobody offered to put any money in for a tip in fact it was not mentioned. I did feel uncomfortable not leaving a tip but jeez they could have done that at least
The new friend did say she would buy me a drink next time. There will not be a next time and also have to tell dh and of course he will go mad and of course he will be right to do so. The restaurant was a chain not really expensive but that is not the point. I honestly have no idea why they thought it was my shout especially the people I don't know. I am bracing myself for a rollicking from dh and upset with myself for being a wimp.

You should have looked at the bill. Then paid £15/20/30 and said this will cover what I ate

i can’t believe you paid for all the meal. Madness

seven201 · 05/05/2022 22:18

You need to message them and say I paid X for the drinks and meals. I was only expecting to pay for my own and cannot afford to pay for everyone. Please can you each transfer me Y amount before the weekend, here are my bank details. Please do not let this slide. That is totally unfair. Do not be their doormat!

BakedTattie · 05/05/2022 22:18

Literally cannot get my head round this.

WoodenClock · 05/05/2022 22:18

Restaurants where you order at the bar are the easiest for splitting the bill. Everyone just orders their own.

Yes, they were very cheeky indeed and it would affect my friendship with all of them, but I don't understand why you paid.

mcmooberry · 05/05/2022 22:23

This is painful to read that there are such takers in the world that would let you pay. Please take the advice of previous posters and send them a message with your bank details and ask them for what they owe you. They will surely respect you more not less, if anyone should feel uncomfortable it's them. As for the people who didn't even know you, it beggars belief.

doggiescats · 05/05/2022 22:24

I genuinely do not believe that anyone would be such a mug or that a group of people would all assume that they didn’t have to pay …sorry too far fetched !

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/05/2022 22:25

I would message them and ask for the money, it's crazy they didn't offer and you're nuts to not ask them for the money!

Even a cheap restaurant with drinks for a few of you must have been a fair bit?!

caringcarer · 05/05/2022 22:26

OP, there is such a thing as being too nice. Another time say shall we all order our own? Then march up to bar and order your own only. Practice saying it before you go.

billy1966 · 05/05/2022 22:27

I think you have nothing to lose texting and asking for the money to be transferred to you asap.

How much money OP?

I feel so sorry for you, that you would allow this to happen to you.

What awful people.

Never go out with them again.

If it makes it easier for you, tell them your husband is furious and you need the money asap.

BobJowl · 05/05/2022 22:28

AChocolateOrangeaday · 05/05/2022 22:14

This has got to be a joke.

No one is this stupid.

Jesus. Don't be so fucking rude, if you don't think it's genuine then report quietly. If it is genuine, you just called someone who is already down about themselves, stupid.

Original poster
Justcallmeanatm · 05/05/2022 22:28

Shinyandnew1
The meal was £34.47. The drinks were £16.10. And the husband drink was £3.75. It is a Green King where two meals for £11.49. I don't think I am upset as much about the cost it is more the realization that they all behaved like that and it is glaring oblivious that don't give a damn about me. I guess none of them are sitting at home crying like I am. I don't think I will ask them to transfer the money too embarrassed but I will never do that again
Thank you again for all your posts I do appreciate them all

OP posts:
Jedsnewstar · 05/05/2022 22:28

The fact that when you said who is going up there was silence seems to point to them planning this. Your ‘friend’ said to the others come for food Justcallmeanatm will just pay.

Please for the love of god text your friend the bill. Just act firm but breezy ‘oh gosh silly me I’m such a forgetful fran I forgot to calculate the bill at the end. Anyway here it is, would you mind sorting it with your friends. Mine was x y z cause I had the xxx So you can work it out between you. My bank details are xxxx. Thank you it was lovely to see you’

What is the worst that can happen? She says I thought you were paying. Just reply ‘haha good one why on earth would you think that? Or she simply refuses. You haven’t lost a friend you dumped dead weight.

DeskInUse · 05/05/2022 22:29

OMG op, you paid for almost everyone's drinks and food and you didn't stay to eat.

Set up a WhatsApp group, post the receipt or tell them to pay you back. No one in their right mind would think this is ok

BronwenFrideswide · 05/05/2022 22:29

You still have a chance to sort this out @Justcallmeanatm - you do as practically everyone on here is suggesting and contact your 'friends' and insist they forward you the money for their food and drink, don't ask, demand - the bill for food and drink was £X your share is £X forward this to my bank account -details-. The ones who invited extras it is down to them to reclaim from them.

Just find your inner core of steel and do this, who cares if they are offended by you demanding to be repaid, you are offended by being taken for a mug and they don't care. Come on OP stop being a doormat.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 05/05/2022 22:30

doggiescats · 05/05/2022 22:24

I genuinely do not believe that anyone would be such a mug or that a group of people would all assume that they didn’t have to pay …sorry too far fetched !

I agree I can imagine one person but a whole group assumed or allowed someone to pay without offering anything. I just can’t get my head round it bizzare!!

TheWayoftheLeaf · 05/05/2022 22:34

Don't be embarrassed just cheering my message the friends saying 'you owe x' and 'you owe x' here are my bank details.

To the friend who's people showed up say 'are you paying for x and y?'

Just act like it was the plan all along to pay after. After all I'd never expect to NOT pay back the person who went up.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 05/05/2022 22:34

Cheerily

Tarnation · 05/05/2022 22:35

Just send the WhatsApp to the friends you know - no need to sugar coat it by saying you can't afford it, or you didn't realise you were expected to pay - this behaviour (your's and their's) is so outside of social that you can be entirely matter of fact about it. Send photo of bill and the following message: "Here's the bill from yesterday, please can you transfer the amount you owe to xxxxx. Julie, I assume you are paying for MIL, and Jenny & Keith, since I don't have their number. Thanks all"

Springandsummerarecoming · 05/05/2022 22:36

Put it in the WhatsApp group as others have said. If they pay you back - great! If not- ditch them.