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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nobody offered to pay today

241 replies

Justcallmeanatm · 05/05/2022 21:12

Went out for a meal should have been 4 of us. Picked up friend and her Mil. Met 4th friend at the restaurant to find out the friend I had picked up had invited one of her other friends. Ok no biggie so far. We all sat talking eventually I said should we order drinks every one put there order in and I go to the bar order and pay for them
When I got back to the table the extra guests husband had just sat down (only met him and his wife once before) asked him what he wanted to drink go and buy it sit down.
After about 30 mins we decided to order food. So they were all shouting out their orders to me wtf. I said ok whose going up to order nobody answered. Felt embarrassed at the silence so I stood up with my purse and asked if someone else would come with me to order. Friend came with me and husband of extra guest. Ordered the food for us four friends the the husband shouted out his order. It was rang up and the server said the amount due. They just stood there quiet not offering to pay any part of the bill so I pay. Got back to the table two more guests more family members of the friend I had picked up ok wtaf. Anyway I didn't buy them a drink they got their own and didn't stay to eat. Sorry for the ramble but my question aibu to think that the friend I picked up was taking the piss inviting all these other people and aibu to think they were all taking the piss not offering to pay for their drink or their food. And no I am not well off but I am bloody annoyed and upset
Should have said I have name changed for this

OP posts:
KoblinsGiss · 05/05/2022 21:45

This reply has been deleted

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Snowflakes1122 · 05/05/2022 21:46

What a bunch of assholes.

Sorry OP.

MarJau26 · 05/05/2022 21:46

Seems like they planned this op. They all sat in silence a few times when it came to pay, how did they all know to do that . I can't believe you paid!!

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/05/2022 21:47

I don’t understand why you paid. Order at the table, the bill is paid at the end. Order at the bar. Everyone pays for their own and I would presume the pub to be set up to take multiple orders for the same table.

purplepaintedpineapple · 05/05/2022 21:47

I'd definitely be messaging them all, saying how lovely to see everyone and could you bank transfer your share of the bill please. If they kick off, no loss as you're not likely to want to be friends with them after this anyway?

RealBecca · 05/05/2022 21:48

Just send a follow up message saying the bill split X ways is £X so their share is £Y and here are your bank details, can they pay by Satursay and you have a bill going out Monday.

Georgeskitchen · 05/05/2022 21:48

Yes they were taking the piss. Did they just assume it was a freebie? Next time make it clear you're paying for yourself only

Neverreturntoathread · 05/05/2022 21:48

BestDove · 05/05/2022 21:15

Create a group chat on WhatsApp. Then send a photo of the receipt with your bank details. Ask them to calculate what each ordered inc tip and transfer the money to you.

Don't let them treat you like a mug!!

This

hellrabbitishere · 05/05/2022 21:48

i cant vote on this as of couse your not unreasonable to feel taken advantage of , however sadly you did let it get to this , id have been saying i was ordering my own and letting them get on with ordering theirs
you have got to be stronger than this , they wouldnt have walked out or starved to death , they would have had to get up and order and pay for their own food

ShirleyPhallus · 05/05/2022 21:50

I cannot believe that anyone would actually be this much of a doormat in real life

RebeccaCloud9 · 05/05/2022 21:50

I put YABU because yes they should pay and they should have piped up. But YOU just needed to say 'right, it came to £x so that's £x each'. I'm baffled as to why you didn't.

Thisseatisnotavailable · 05/05/2022 21:50

Why on earth did you not just ask the bar staff to start a tab, and then you could have split the bill at the end. If I was with a group of people and someone went up the bar to order I would assume they were starting a tab and we'd pay at the end. When no bill was forthcoming at the end then they may have assumed that you were being generous? Although even if they did think that you had paid they should still then have tried to give you money or ask to transfer you some.

What happened at the end of the meal, did no-one say anything, did they all just up and leave?

420Bruh · 05/05/2022 21:50

What did you do that for?!

SilverGlassHare · 05/05/2022 21:52

You’re not being unreasonable but you need to grow a spine. I’d have totted up how much everyone needed to pay and asked for it, beforehand if it was a place where you had to pay when you ordered.

Evilcountspatula · 05/05/2022 21:52

Completely bonkers. I’m imagining a Nando’s style set up where everyone goes up and pays for themselves, or one person goes to order and everyone else gives cash / does a bank transfer beforehand. I don’t understand why you just paid and didn’t sort out how people would get the money to you before you went to order.

BobJowl · 05/05/2022 21:53

SharonWattsCrispyExtensions · 05/05/2022 21:45

Not one person offered to pay? Sounds highly likely to me that they'd pre-arranged to take advantage.

This is what I thought. No way would a large group, including virtual strangers, sit quietly and expectantly...ignoring OPs question about placing orders unless they were thinking the same. I can't imagine not even one person getting their purse out.. It's just not normal.

Gagaandgag · 05/05/2022 21:54

Who even does this?!!! (Your ‘friends’)

PradaOnaBudget · 05/05/2022 21:54

ShirleyPhallus · 05/05/2022 21:50

I cannot believe that anyone would actually be this much of a doormat in real life

This x100! I really can't believe you even paid in the first place. You need to get yourself urgently into an assertiveness course

sonjadog · 05/05/2022 21:54

Obviously they should pay for themselves, but it is even more bizarre that you just paid for all of them and didn't say anything??? That is really strange behaviour. If you are going to be such a complete doormat, people are doing to walk all over you and you only have yourself to thank for it.

pedropony76 · 05/05/2022 21:54

You sound like such a doormat. Why are you now coming to MN to complain that no one offered to pay when you didn’t even speak up at the time? It doesn’t make sense

grapewines · 05/05/2022 21:55

Well, they are bastards, but please find your voice. People will walk all over you otherwise.

Doesn't sound good either that you're worried about your husband's reaction.

Femalewoman · 05/05/2022 21:56

They are a bunch of users. Message your friend and say the cost per person is £X and could she collect from each of them for you because they forgot to pay you.

Some people really take advantage of vulnerable or shy or anxious people who are scared to ask for the money. These people are NOT your friends.

BobJowl · 05/05/2022 21:56

pedropony76 · 05/05/2022 21:54

You sound like such a doormat. Why are you now coming to MN to complain that no one offered to pay when you didn’t even speak up at the time? It doesn’t make sense

Because she's upset/annoyed about it?

Just because she didn't have the confidence to speak up for herself at the time doesn't mean she doesn't see the unfairness of it and want to get it off her chest.

Aghh · 05/05/2022 21:57

I don’t understand- who goes out t fry or lunch and drinks and doesn’t insist on paying their way ??

They should be banging your door down trying to reimburse you !

arethereanyleftatall · 05/05/2022 21:57

A tip for you op...

You don't have to be the one to break a silence.