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AIBU?

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Original poster

Nobody offered to pay today

241 replies

Justcallmeanatm · 05/05/2022 21:12

Went out for a meal should have been 4 of us. Picked up friend and her Mil. Met 4th friend at the restaurant to find out the friend I had picked up had invited one of her other friends. Ok no biggie so far. We all sat talking eventually I said should we order drinks every one put there order in and I go to the bar order and pay for them
When I got back to the table the extra guests husband had just sat down (only met him and his wife once before) asked him what he wanted to drink go and buy it sit down.
After about 30 mins we decided to order food. So they were all shouting out their orders to me wtf. I said ok whose going up to order nobody answered. Felt embarrassed at the silence so I stood up with my purse and asked if someone else would come with me to order. Friend came with me and husband of extra guest. Ordered the food for us four friends the the husband shouted out his order. It was rang up and the server said the amount due. They just stood there quiet not offering to pay any part of the bill so I pay. Got back to the table two more guests more family members of the friend I had picked up ok wtaf. Anyway I didn't buy them a drink they got their own and didn't stay to eat. Sorry for the ramble but my question aibu to think that the friend I picked up was taking the piss inviting all these other people and aibu to think they were all taking the piss not offering to pay for their drink or their food. And no I am not well off but I am bloody annoyed and upset
Should have said I have name changed for this

OP posts:
Trifecta · 05/05/2022 21:57

I’ll tell you what I think. I think this is a wind up.

Bellex · 05/05/2022 21:58

Justcallmeanatm · 05/05/2022 21:43

No nobody not one person offered any payment not one. I paid because I am a soft touch and I would have expected at the end for someone to offer I didn't want to ask and yes I know I should have. Nobody offered to put any money in for a tip in fact it was not mentioned. I did feel uncomfortable not leaving a tip but jeez they could have done that at least
The new friend did say she would buy me a drink next time. There will not be a next time and also have to tell dh and of course he will go mad and of course he will be right to do so. The restaurant was a chain not really expensive but that is not the point. I honestly have no idea why they thought it was my shout especially the people I don't know. I am bracing myself for a rollicking from dh and upset with myself for being a wimp.

Message your friend and say you must of got carried away and forgot to give your bank details to her and all her guests.

Send your bank details and ask should everyone split it evenly or do they want to go through and pay directly for they ordered.

if you’re not bothered about the friendship at least try and get refunded by them

Original poster
Justcallmeanatm · 05/05/2022 21:59

CurlyhairedAssassin
I know I am crying at that realization and know that is what dh will say after he has told me off.
Oh no it was not a special occasion the three friends and mil were going out that was the plan. Nobody else should have been there but it was the friend I gave a lift to that invited the others
I know I am stupid for doing it. I am upset with myself for being such a walk over. Thank you to everyone that has replied
I did have second thoughts about posting this because obviously it is outing me if any of them read this but quite frankly I don't care let them read what I think of them because I too much of a wimp too stand up for myself

OP posts:
Bournetilly · 05/05/2022 21:59

Obviously YANBU in not wanting to pay for it but YANU for paying for it all in the first place!
Why did you just pay for it? Why didn’t you ask them for the money? And why after paying for the drinks did you then pay for the food? If no one was ordering I certainly wouldn’t go and pay for everyone

SharonWattsCrispyExtensions · 05/05/2022 22:01

are you going to message them?

Ellie56 · 05/05/2022 22:01

Justcallmeanatm · 05/05/2022 21:43

No nobody not one person offered any payment not one. I paid because I am a soft touch and I would have expected at the end for someone to offer I didn't want to ask and yes I know I should have. Nobody offered to put any money in for a tip in fact it was not mentioned. I did feel uncomfortable not leaving a tip but jeez they could have done that at least
The new friend did say she would buy me a drink next time. There will not be a next time and also have to tell dh and of course he will go mad and of course he will be right to do so. The restaurant was a chain not really expensive but that is not the point. I honestly have no idea why they thought it was my shout especially the people I don't know. I am bracing myself for a rollicking from dh and upset with myself for being a wimp.

Noooo!

Next time you just go up and order your own. Don't ask other people what they want. Don't order for anybody else. Leave them to sort themselves out!
And if anybody says can you get X for me say no you've only got enough cash to cover your own food.

What a bunch of freeloading CFs. Angry

Shinyandnew1 · 05/05/2022 22:02

Goodness, why on earth did you pay?! How much did it cost you?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/05/2022 22:02

Well, they all saw you coming! I can’t feel any sympathy, I’m afraid, because why on earth would you pay for the meals of a whole bunch of random people? Who does that?!

TyrannosaurusRegina · 05/05/2022 22:03

Unbelievable. OP please message and ask for everyone's share.

BritInUS1 · 05/05/2022 22:03

Message grind now tell her who owes what and give her your bank details for payment

Don't be a mug

Sally872 · 05/05/2022 22:05

Message the ones you know now and ask for their share. Ask the one who knows the extras to collect from them. Do it in a group chat. You can still get some money back or at least find out they really are that cheeky and ditch them.

grapewines · 05/05/2022 22:05

Yeah, you need to message them and sort this out and then look up assertiveness lessons for your own sake.

Original poster
Justcallmeanatm · 05/05/2022 22:05

KoblinsGiss
I promise you I am not a new poster you can check with mnhq. I have changed my name because I like to think I give good advice when I answer posters and I feel so bloody stupid because I have now put it out there that I am stupid

OP posts:
5128gap · 05/05/2022 22:07

You know some really odd people OP. I think most if us can relate to the odd friend who might do this, but a whole group of them and random relatives just turning up? It's almost unbelievable.

Rewritethestars1 · 05/05/2022 22:07

Don't let them get away with this. Everybody knows you pay for your own meal, they know this but are cf especially the people you didn't know. How they have the brass balls to let a stranger pay I don't know. I could maybe understand paying for a close family members special occasion but these people sound bonkers to expect this. Id be absolutely mortified if a stranger offered to buy me a meal never mind just standing there and expecting. Unbelievable.

Message them. Who cares what they think. They are cf they don't care. Tell them this and that you want your money back. I was like you, a push over and didn't dare say no, I was so soft but I have changed because eventually it harms your mental health and people will walk all over you until you are squished into the ground.

JollyHolly30 · 05/05/2022 22:08

Why won't you just message them. An 'it was lovely to meet you, here's a wee picture of the drinks and food bills I paid. My bank details/PayPal is ...
If you guys work out what you owe and transfer it - whichever method suits you best'

Voila, you get your money and feel so much better that you stood up for yourself!

Do it as a group chat, that way they'll be too embarrassed not to pay because everyone else can see!

MaggieFS · 05/05/2022 22:08

Oh OP how horrible of them. Or some hideous misunderstanding. But very odd. Definitely brazen it out with a WhatsApp to all telling them of their share each and bank details.

newbiename · 05/05/2022 22:08

Sorry , I can't believe anyone could be this weak.

Rosebuud · 05/05/2022 22:09

That’s some really unusual social behaviour you exhibited there op. Can’t believe you paid for so much and were unable to bring yourself to say I’ll order can you all put what you owe in at the end and just paid for them all.

the fact rhey all let you is appalling, the whole thing is highly unusual. If you were my friend I’d have insisted on giving uou the money and raised it. I don’t know what was going on here, but it is all, well, weird.

jimboandthejetset · 05/05/2022 22:09

This is just bizarre! The drinks I can kind of understand. But paying for everyone's meals too? I really don't know how you let that happen, but please please message them all now asking for their share. You'd be utterly mad not to.

Ohdoleavemealone · 05/05/2022 22:12

Message them your bank details asking how they want to split the bill.
"I need the money by Sunday or will be short to pay bills" should make them feel bad enough to pay!

MrsBlaue · 05/05/2022 22:12

You need to text everyone your payment details ASAP and say something along the lines of “wire the amount for your meal yesterday as I paid with my card”

DO NOT be a mug and let them off.

AnotherAnxiousMess · 05/05/2022 22:13

In shock that no-one offered to pay you back… these sound like people I’d never want to see again. I’d send a message to your “friend” asking her if she’s going to pay you back for the meals, seeing as it was her that decided to invite everyone in the first place.

Lauraa7 · 05/05/2022 22:13

Tell your husband that they are going to pay your back. Then send a message to them to say lovely to see you today, if you can pop the money for your meal into my account please.
you picked them up, shouted drinks and a meal? They are being unreasonable, and next time just order for yourself. They will soon move when your meal arrives and they are left sitting there!

AChocolateOrangeaday · 05/05/2022 22:14

This has got to be a joke.

No one is this stupid.