To think male violence will never end?

[YouAreNotBatman]

I was reading the news about 14 year old boy raping and killing a 10 year old girl and I just became so tired.
So tired of endless violence boys and men do to girls and women.
And how they don’t care, they seem to think it’s funny or get angry at any woman who try and speak about it.

Well, we're not going to agree clearly. I just think the '100 women a year' sounds like a lot out of context but when you view it as 'six out of every million' it's actually very low. Of course, every case is genuinely horrific but I just don't think you can stamp out every single bad apple. It's just not possible and it's a vanishingly tiny number of men who kill, even if it's much higher than women.

I guess it's easy for you to be so dismissive about women being murdered when it hasn't impacted you directly. When you've lived through the experience of a loved ones life being ended by someone else simply because he could, you start to think about how it could have been prevented and how you can stop that happening to other women and their families.
Thank your lucky stars you've not had to take that phone call or make that discovery yourself.

Any rational person understands that completely ending human violence is near impossible. Even ending female violence won't happen.

So because we can't stamp it out completely we should just ignore it and let it continue?

We should try and at least prevent some of these deaths? Try and prevent rape and sexual assault?

TruthHertz I think you need to stop thinking all feminists are the same and also that your positive experience of working in a predominantly male environment might not be the same for others ....

I'm a feminist. I'm proud to be a feminist. I don't hate men. I know some wonderful men who I love dearly. However, men as a class don't do women any favours - men hurt women more than women hurt men, men sexually harass, assault women more the the reverse, they rape women.

And if we move away from violence and look at other aspects of our lives. Women still take on the bulk of childcare and household chores, they face more challenges in the workplace and are more likely to work part time and less likely to progress in many sectors. And they're more likely to be paid less. I think this is worth challenging.

Exactly. It does seem that those of us who have suffered rape/ sexual assault (CSA in my case) don’t matter to some posters on here because we’re alive. Yes we are but we’ve been badly damaged by male violence.

And men mostly face no consequences for their actions, unless they commit murder.

It really shouldn’t be surprising that there’s so much anger on here. Curiously, decent men (including my DH and BILs) understand and don’t take it personally. Because they get that it isn’t about them.

And then when we (men) do do our fair share of child raising and household work, we're often praised for it as if we've gone above and beyond (not by my partner, but from everyone else.) That must be infuriating, sorry.

I think most of us are inherently broken. The idea of what a man should be is bullshit and we become damaged being forced into that form. That should be our problem, but it's women that suffer the most as a result. It's not ok. I think it's changing, but oh so slowly and it should never be thought of as 'ok' that so many women will suffer along the way.

What I wish more men could understand is how healing it is being (or more honestly trying to be) a feminist ally. I think it's natural and human nature to be defensive when your entire sex is criticized, but there is so much more peace and happiness in leaving the NAMALT shit behind. Trying to fix a problem gives greater joy than denying it.

And then when we (men) do do our fair share of child raising and household work, we're often praised for it as if we've gone above and beyond (not by my partner, but from everyone else.) That must be infuriating, sorry.

I think most of us are inherently broken. The idea of what a man should be is bullshit and we become damaged being forced into that form. That should be our problem, but it's women that suffer the most as a result. It's not ok. I think it's changing, but oh so slowly and it should never be thought of as 'ok' that so many women will suffer along the way.

What I wish more men could understand is how healing it is being (or more honestly trying to be) a feminist ally. I think it's natural and human nature to be defensive when your entire sex is criticized, but there is so much more peace and happiness in leaving the NAMALT shit behind. Trying to fix a problem gives greater joy than denying it.

Fabulous post. You sound so much like my husband! I know there are men out there who a excellent feminist allies.

My husband regularly makes the comment 'men are just knobheads aren't they?' That comes from him not me because he can recognise poor behaviour and knows that mens behaviour has a disproportionate negative impact on women.

Has it occured to you that your anger at one men might be negatively influencing your view of the world? The second paragraph in particularly suggests you need help with this.

@brookstar , thanks once again for your openness and love to you.

My husband regularly makes the comment 'men are just knobheads aren't they?'
You're proud of such a sexist statement? Why?

I find any generalisations are what damages the individuals included in them. I think both men and women are great as groups. There are shitty men and women and always will be.

He's partly saying it tongue in cheek but it's always in response to poor male behaviour he's witnessed and unfortunately there's a lot to witness!

I've got an amazing husband, he's great and I'm lucky to have him. However, if I found myself single I genuinely don't think I'd want another relationship with a man. It's just not worth the risk. Im not just talking about the potential for violence or abuse but it's about quality of life.

Out of all the men I know and relationships I witness there are only handful of decent ones and I see examples of poor behaviour far more than I see positive behaviour- and that's out in public so I dread to think what they're like behind closed doors.

Before anyone jumps on me, I'm not saying women are perfect I know there are women who don't treat their partners well but just I don't see the same amount of disrespectful behaviour from women.

How do we talk about or target male violence then?

The idea of what a man should be is bullshit and we become damaged being forced into that form. That should be our problem

Sorry but I think this is just needless masochism. Nobody is forcing you to adhere to 'the idea of what a man is'.

I don't give a fuck what 'the idea of a woman is'. It certainly isn't a female like me who works in the construction sector, can drive a truck and deadlift more than most blokes. If you recognise these stereotypes and willingly go along with them you're just perpetuating the issue.

I agree that shitty individuals are the issue, even if there is unbalance in certain areas of the shittyness, like men being more violent in general.

Statistics and class analysis have their use, but I don't think they're a good way to navigate the world/make life decisions. It's too hard to keep perspective and what sounds like a big issue on paper may actually not be much of a real world problem when you actually consider it in context of population size and how likely it is to actually impact your own life.

Half the issues argued about online would barely even register without social media to draw attention to them IMO.

Again, a bizzare statement from someone who believes in testosterone theory.

It's just not as simple as that. If you've been keeping up with the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial, not that I usually invest in "celebrities" lives in such a way, its a pretty eye opening insight.

Into what?

toxic femininity. Cause and effect. A toxic cycle.

Simply put, that the world can be more than "man hits woman".

Did you miss the bit about him raping her with a broken bottle?

Oh did I miss the part in the trial where that was proven?

Did you miss the part about her causing a part of his finger to be cut off?

Hang on, the Depp/Heard case is your measure of the world but you’re only believing his side of things?

Incidentally, it's not a criminal trial. Nobody will be found guilty or innocent in these allegations. It's a libel trial, Johnny is suing her for making these claims in a paper and she is counter suing.

Someone will get 50 million or someone will get 100 million

Neither Johnny or Amber's security as testified witnessed any form of abuse between the two of them. The make up Amber claimed she carried about to cover up her bruises wasn't made until a year later. There are recordings of Amber taunting him about his children, his abusive mother, his self harming. Saying "no one will believe you are being abused".

Youve proved my point. It's a very big picture, yet due to her allegation he's the problem, when the evidence suggests otherwise.

I'm not claiming Johnny wasn't a drinker, or didn't take drugs, and wasn't a very difficult man to live with. She knew that when she married him. But do I believe hes a domestic abuser and she's a victim? No.

Nobody gives a shit what you do and do not believe about two people though.

It changes absolutely nothing about the fact that men are overwhelmingly responsible for the number of murders and sexual assaults carried out worldwide.

Simply put, that the world can be more than "man hits woman".

For what feels like the thousandth time.... nobody has suggested that it is that simple,

It changes absolutely nothing about the fact that men are overwhelmingly responsible for the number of murders and sexual assaults carried out worldwide.

Exactly. And these attempts to minimise this fact are pretty pathetic and part of the problem.

Hang on brook.

I've never tried to minimise it.

@Pumperthepumper , I'm glad you dont give "two shits" what I think. I wonder if its because I've presented you with something that points out to you in black and white that it's a complicated issue.