Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

[MrsJasonSudeikis]

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

So your "friends" already bringing it all on themselves with lack of exercise and drinking. Sure.
Just be sure to spread your beliefs on this miracle cure you've found. Be sure to tell all of them. That way they will stop talking to you about this (and everything else) and you'll be left with friends that suit you. Go you.

Ditch these old boring menopausal women then and find some youthful energetic ones then.
Then those youthful ones can ditch you when menopause hits and feel about you, how you so horribly feel about your friends.

💯🖕

I think this is very insightful. As a non sufferer (yet), I recognise this a little. If you can separate from the herd and cloak yourself in enough youthfulness the monster might not spot you and pass you by.

I’m glad people are finally taking about it…I’m 42 and terrified of going through the menopause.

That's nice for you OP.
Personally I don't neck wine and I have been reasonably active until .. No for your sake I'll not go there 😂.
I can see why you don't want to join in the conversation as it's not affecting you but you are misguided to smugly comment it's about keeping fit.

That all sounds lovely for you. Come back to us when you're actually going through the menopause and tell us if you still feel fab. You have literally no idea about it until you're experiencing it.

I had a child in my mid-thirties then almost immediately went into premature menopause - we only found out why I felt so awful when I couldn't get pregnant again and they tested my AMH, which was at 0.2 aged 38. I'm on HRT and I still feel exhausted all the time, and I'm progesterone-sensitve so get dreadful side-effects too. I feel like I'm not myself, like I lost myself aged 36 when I got pregnant and worry I'll never get the essential "me" back, so forgive me if I say your OP sounds utterly tone-deaf and insensitive.

Having been through this and really struggling at home and work then I think it is good to talk about menopause. If I had been more informed, I hope I would have had a discussion about it with the GP much earlier. Instead I struggled for months with fatigue, low mood and anxiety aswell as fearing the brain fog was the start of dementia (which my mum had died of). I was still having regular periods and no hot flushes so menopause had never crossed my mind. I was prescribed HRT after blood tests confirmed perimenopause. This proved truly life changing. All my symptoms were resolved within weeks. I am now past menopause, no longer need HRT and continue to live my best life.

Come back when you are 57.

Bloody hell 😡Women are FINALLY able to talk about this issue more openly and you’re complaining about it?

I hope menopause hits you like a truck.

I'm delighted for you that you're sailing through life.

Meanwhile I'm starting to get an inclination that I'm hitting menopause. Brain fog, loss of motivation, insomnia, anxiety, and irritability to the extent that I may fucking impale my co-worker with a biro if she eats another tangerine in front of me, and whilst previously being a strong, independent and capable woman I nearly had a breakdown tonight booking some international flights after having bank and IT issues and being on the phone for 90 minutes while raging and silently sobbing.

So yeah, kind of interested how I'm supposed to talk about this NOT in a negative way!

Another year or two when you’re flooding on your car seat and think you’ll never wear white again you might think differently. Having children older probably makes you be a bit in denial, at your age mine were at uni/sixth form so I probably felt less youthful than you do.

tbh I only stopped feeling youthful when my periods started going haywire.

I dont think I've ever read anything so self satisfied and smug

I find it interesting that most women blame the menopause for all sorts of things. Trouble is, if you do that you’ll stop trying.

My periods stopped at 45. Since then I’ve lost weight and am a size 8-10. A few years ago I was resigned to the fact that my joints were so achey that I’d never be able to dance again. Now I’m dancing like a mad woman around the kitchen most days! And now, I have started incorporating Callanetics and pelvic floor exercises into my morning dog and I no longer wet myself! I thought I’d lost my perky bum to gravity but it’s back to how it was. I still have long, thick hair with no grey at all. I look between 5 and 10 years younger than I am depending on the lighting!

I do intermittent fasting (although I cheat a lot), lowish carbing (although I cheat a lot!), two hours of walking a day, strengthening exercises and facial exercise (both done on my walk to save time) no alcohol or smoking, weekly tretinoin, fairly regularly skincare, factor 50 (from Aldi).

I know the majority of women on here will think I’m an obsessive bore but I don’t really care! I’m autistic so it’s allowed! If this information helps give even one person hope then that’s a good thing.

I do still suffer with depression, anxiety and GERD but I’m still trying to tweak my diet to combat these.

I see the OP hasn't been back.

Maybe she/he was just on a wind up?!

Have you not considered that you are very fortunate and your experience might be the minority. Six months ago I could have written this - I'm the same age as you. Very suddenly perimenopause has hit me and I'd love to be having loads of great sex but my nether regions think otherwise. It's hard to concentrate on getting in the mood when you are in so much discomfort, even though I'm getting plenty of sleep, no hot flushes, lots of exercises, no booze, healthy diet.

Don't be too smug.

Gosh, lucky you OP. I am very pleased that for some women there are no issues with menopause - I have a friend who hit menopause at about 47 and sailed through with no issues or symptoms, which was great for her, but the same cannot be said of most women, and your attitude comes across as somewhat dismissive of those for whom it has not been straightforward.

I'm glad it's being talked about, I'm glad it's more in the public eye. I've had various menopause symptoms, including hot flushes for several years, poor sleep, mood swings, poor concentration, poor memory, but the ones I've found hardest to come to terms with are anxiety and loss of confidence: I changed jobs recently, partly as I could no longer effectively manage the stress associated with my job, and lost confidence in my ability to do it. Now on HRT which is helping but, if I could have waved a magic wand and gone back to the 'old' me who was confident and capable, I would have done. I see no reason why, just because other generations had to stoically put up with menopause problems, the rest of us should have to do the same. If talking about it ensures other women don't have to go through the the same as I've been through, then I'm all for it.

loss of motivation, insomnia, anxiety, and irritability to the extent that I may fucking impale my co-worker with a biro if she eats another tangerine in front of me, and whilst previously being a strong, independent and capable woman I nearly had a breakdown tonight booking some international flights after having bank and IT issues and being on the phone for 90 minutes while raging and silently sobbing.

I think I've been like that all my life

Name change or First time poster?

Or just a journalist looking for a new angle for the Mail?

But kudos for the goady post. Your editor will be proud.

OP says "I am not in menopause yet."

There's your answer. When you are, you'll understand why your friends talk about it.

Oh yes 47 I remember that. I can’t tell you how big a change I’ve gone through in the last 4 years, how difficult the changes have been & how impossible it’s been getting help from the Drs.

Fortunately for you, when menopause does kick in it will probably be crystal clear what's going on. You feel great now, so when you start to feel rough you'll know what it is and what to do about it, partly because your friends have been talking.

On the other hand I've never felt 'well'. Menopause has come on the end of depression, anxiety, obesity and fibromyalgia. How the hell to know which bits can be positively impacted by HRT?!

That said, the end of debilitating periods, flooding and so on has been an absolute gift. I've lost 5.5 stone, and still have all the fibromyalgia symptoms. Still hoping that the right HRT will make me feel better.

A positive and determined mental outlook has been what's kept me going. Don't assume other people don't have it! They could be doing their very best but with more obstacles than you!

Would you prefer your friends just put up and shut up? Would you prefer of people with other conditions just shut up so as not to spoil your vibe?

God you sound absolutely insfferable

Ha!! I can't wait to see what happens to you when you are going through perimenopause, won't be gloating then will you. If you are not in menopause yet how can you relate and compare. You sound like a man who has no idea. FFS!

But Booboo did you need to be so on the ball pre menopause?
It's true for me that big dietary changes have helped (and I think we ate better than the UK average before.)

But the sudden effects of menopause have still been huge, no matter how much extra vitamin D and turmeric (in every bloody dish) may have eased the bone ache.