Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

[MrsJasonSudeikis]

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

@Chilver xx

You might have lots of energy but you don’t seem to have lots of empathy do you?

I think you should feel grateful that you’re having an easier time of it than your friends (so far!) and pleased that we are able to speak about women’s health issues more openly.

Love this!

You simply aren't there yet. I'm the same age as you and have just a few symptoms, nothing to write home about but I'm delighted that people are speaking openly about menopause these days. Hopefully GPs will be appropriately trained in menopause matters and women will no longer struggle to get support.

A perfect example of a Humble brag for that other thread :p

Yeah, I felt like that at 47. Enjoy it.

I sailed through 50 going what's all the fuss about?

By the end of my 51st year everything had changed. Health problems, menopause symptoms etc.

I don't think I go on about it though.

Presumably you can just appreciate what you have without running down other women?

Sums it up perfectly. Don't expect a jot of sympathy when menopause comes to bite you on the bum which - given the statistics about symptoms - it no doubt will

Different women are affected differently from very few noticeable symptoms to barely coping. I'm a little older than you and so far so good except insomnia from around 43. My mother was ok and never took hrt so I'm hoping I'm going to experience similar

I think it's vital its talked about. I had no idea what was happening to me, flooding, anxiety, depression, anger, brain fog, tired all the time....thought I was going mad - at 37. Some HRT - back to old me. I wish everyone had been talking about it 20 years ago when I started going through it.

Same for me OP and I've done full menopause without HRT. But it doesn't make me think other people are exaggerating bc everybody reacts differently to hormones just like we do to pharmaceuticals. My memory/brainfog could probably benefit from HRT, but after a lifetime of prescribed/illegal drugs I just can't face taking more.

I think it's brilliant that people are talking about it - I had no clue about perimeno and thought I was losing my mind at the time.

Unfortunately you’re being a bit of a jerk, although I think it’s just through ignorance, not ill will.

By the time you are going through the menopause, hopefully your friends will be feeling better and they can roll their eyes derisively at you.

You know what they say about smug people, and how the fall from grace always hits harder for them...

This.
I'm similar age, technically past menopause and very little in the way of symptoms. Like OP I exercise a lot and don't drink much.
However I do have some smaller issues which HRT can help with (along with the other benefits of protection against osteoporosis etc.).
Menopause doesn't have to be awful for everyone but it is awful for some.

always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones

But you're not menopausal so how can you possibly say hormones don't affect anxiety* *

Bully for you OP, you sound like a really shit friend.

wow...judgy much. Just because you're 'doing ok' and are not suffering any of the quite frankly, hideous peri/menopause symptoms that the MAJORITY of women suffer from, that doesn't mean that your friends should not discuss it in front of you! Crack on with your perfect life and be sure to rub it in their faces whilst their trying to explain how the brain fog, forgetfulness and crippling anxiety has made them potentially lose their jobs and totally fucked relationships with their loved ones. And this from another woman?! SMH.

@Madickenxx ime it's already happening. I saw a GP yesterday about something else and when I walked in she was literally reading the "Menopause Matters" website. We had a wry discussion about the oestradiol shortage and contingency measures to address it. I originally got the hrt from a different GP without asking for it - I was having peri symptoms without realising what they were.

All very different from my mother's and mil's (both of whom sadly have long standing problems with osteoporosis now) experiences a generation ago.

Obviously this is not the case everywhere, but some surgeries are really making a big effort to educate themselves and their patients.

Op your post reminded my of someone having a mid life crisis

You know you are getting older....you know this.....and you know what's coming your way with the inevitable menopause

It will catch you....there's no escape even if you ditch your menopausal friends and hang out with 20 year olds.

You don't sound ok.

@Copperpottle

I'm 10 years older and none of my contemporaries are as you describe. That said I've never worn trainers except for sport, perfectly good footwear for activities but for going out in, no - they invented doc martens for that

Let's hope your friends don't remember how unsympathetic you were when they ride out the menopause, living their best life while you go through it!

You don't sound very bright op.

I don’t understand why you have to “get it off your chest” it seems more like an invitation to insult women of a certain age who are already suffering.

I'm 49 and I'm glad people are talking about it because I think it is either kicking in or on the horizon for me and thanks to people talking about it I know there are so many potential impacts that I hadn't heard about previously.

And on the trainers point, they're pretty much all the shoes I wear these days but I put that down to the pandemic and realising I should dress the way I want to and the bliss of comfortable feet.

Have my first ever OP

You sound very patronising and self centred if I'm honest and I always try to be kind on MN

I was fine upto 48 ish but now I have bad sleep Extreme joint pain in some joints irritable bladder almost other lesser symptoms and I have
Put on a little weight but my shape has changed in a way that can really be reversed through diet

So I think have a little sympathy or hang around with others instead and hope that it doesn't affect you when your time comes.

Find yourself some 20 year old mates, you current friends deserve better. I wonder who will be left to talk to when it bites you on the arse?