Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

[MrsJasonSudeikis]

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

So you resent your friends for going through a collectively rough time because you aren’t and they’re dragging you down? This will be you in a few years when I guess they’ll all be past it and you won’t be able to bitch about it to them because you hated them doing it so much when you were full of positive energy.

Omg anyone else see the letter in the Times today? A practice nurse basically saying that women's sense of entitlement to a symptoms and stress free life demanding HRT is wasting time that she could be dealing with cancer and other worthy conditions. Because menopause is not an illness. I cried reading it. I considered doing away with myself before a kind medical practitioner gently suggested rather than the bi polar or brain cancer I was convinced I had, maybe I needed to try HRT.

That average was because of infant mortality. People have been living into their seventies and above since ancient times.

A practice nurse basically saying that women's sense of entitlement to a symptoms and stress free life demanding HRT is wasting time that she could be dealing with cancer and other worthy conditions

Yes I saw this. Women who won't accept that other women suffer things that they don't are really annoying - eg the "women don't need menstrual leave because my periods only last 3 days, I never flood or have pain" brigade.

The practice nurse needs to realise that many of most women over say 45 need HRT so they can continue to be economically active and pay taxes to keep her in a job as well as pay for the public services she also relies on. It's also a short-term attitude as women who take HRT are protected against heart disease/strokes/osteoporosis and dementia in later life.

Do we think that men would put up with all of this? No. So why do women have to? HRT exists so let women have it if it makes a positive difference to their lives. I need to look into it for the long term benefits although I am not having symptoms at the moment.

the average life span was 37 years it wasn't, many women lived into their 60s and 70s - quite amazing without modern medicine really

Today I woke up with period blood having soaked through my bedsheet and pajamas thanks to my midlife flooding, fibroids and endo. Now at work feeling like shit and running to loo every hour. Never had to take a day off until I turned 49. Sorry if this is TMI but so many women just don't realise that some conditions cannot be overcome with a positive attitude.

@JanisMoplin you poor thing, I had flooding for a year of periods, made life so difficult, I had to bring a change of clothes everywhere. Clearing up the bathroom and bedroom took ages, I used to cry. It looked like a murder scene. Hope it doesn’t last long for you. 💐

Thanks @JennyAct3 it is really quite humiliating. Am exploring solutions such as a Mirena coil. My sister, on the other hand, is having an easy menopause. Luck of the draw.

If people at work lump you in a group you aren't part of and it annoys you say so. Tell them that actually you aren't affected yet so don't feel the same. That seems to be the crux of the matter, that you don't want to be seen as 'past your prime'. You can live your best life ( hate that phrase) at any age.

It is about time people in general started talking about menopause. My mum suffered horrendously with hot flushes, as did a good friend. I've had a women cry to me because I couldn't fulfill her hrt prescription because of manufacturing issues. She felt suicidal when she wasn't taking it. It is so debilitating for so many women who are expected to just get on with it. This attitude needs to change.

Great words. I think this nurse should be reported to the NMC

😂😂😂 spot on!

was PARTLY due to but let's not include living conditions, diet, disease, numbers of children , industrialisation etc ....most people were not living into their 70s. We are off the point somewhat but ...... most women did not live into old age.

Some of the letter

They can prescribe testosterone, my GP had offered it to me.

HRT is also preventative, this nurse appears to have overlooked that fact!

Janis that is hard going for you. Lucky you op. Menopause is exhausting. Im 49. Feel worn out some weeks.@janis I found the mirena great on my 3rd one. Would that help.

That nurse is no longer on her surgery's website. Hopefully suspended.

The thing that annoys me with your attitude OP is that as girls then women, it's fine to discuss through the years....

Who we fancy in class at school with our close friends
Our sex lives (good, bad or indifferent)
Our family lives including relationships with DH/DP
Symptoms of pregnancy like morning sickness, sore boobs
After baby arrives it can be breast feeding (or not), sore boobs, periods, kids nappies, kids eating, potty training, development goals like walking/talking and all the worries as they grow into adults

All of which our friends may or may not experience and, even if they do have kids (for example) their child may be a good sleeper or potty train like an expert. Their relationship with their DP may be marvellous and yours isn't.

But that's OK. But discussing a stage of life that we will all go through is, apparently, not OK. Not every woman becomes a mother, not every person finds a partner. But we still discuss those things in front of those people if enough women in the group fall into that category.

You just don't fall into that category at the moment. Did all those women switch off when you needed to discuss your DH or one of the kids? No? Then don't switch off with them. It's the one thing out of all the above that women all have to go through.