Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

[MrsJasonSudeikis]

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

@MrsJasonSudeikis you do know that irrational rage and irritability is A Sign?

Id also second the posters who experienced a hormonal surge in their late forties just before the inevitable. Enjoy your Best Life while it lasts. 😳

Does OP’s post count as a humble brag?

Tbh most women would a better experience of menopause and later life if medicine wasn't riddled with such patriarchal bollocks. E.g. having to fight for hrt, then hrt shortages.

Well for this woman, it definitely helped. I had no idea about perimenopause, vaginal atrophy etc, so thank god women talked.

The menopause can be so all-consuming and life changing that it's hard for it not to dominate your life. Time will tell for you. You might be back here at some point for advice and then you'll be delighted that women who have gone before you shared.

All that said, anyone banging on about any one subject can get dull.

How lucky you are.
I have never felt worse (53).

I think your friends are really bloody selfish!!!!
How dare they share their experience of a time of life that affects 50% of the population and is only now just starting to be discussed, supported and addressed.

I suggest you go find yourself some younger friends that you can relate to and those who won't bring you down with their rubbish ailments. (Maybe go clubbing and take up some ultra sports whilst you're at it).

But let's report back in 5-10years when your vagina dries and shrivels, when you have brain fog, aching joints and anxiety and see which group of friends will empathise. The younger ones will probably run for the hills if they're as empathetic as you. Good luck and thanks for goading!

I'm not yet menopausal but I am deeply grateful for the women half a generation ahead of me who are talking loudly about it! Without them I'd be utterly clueless about the concept of peri menopause or the hrt shortage. Thank you, women 🌻

I'm not yet menopausal but, as I'm a woman, I know I will be one day! Now is the time for me to know my body and look after my health so that I can be in the best possible place when it starts. Knowledge is power, so I am keen to know more, not less about it all.

FFS OP you sound completely tone deaf to your peer group.

People are talking about it because:

1. Davina has just done another documentary on it


2. There is a national shortage of some HRT products at the moment, it's been in the news a lot and probably making women who rely on it pretty anxious


3. Many women your age will be going through the peri-menopause / menopause and are probably having a rough time of it

So really great that you don't, at the moment, have to deal with this shit but maybe show a bit of empathy and emotional intelligence to your friends who are going through it.

Either that or get new friends who are male; or female who are younger or older than you so you won't find them 'annoying'

🙄It's good that we are talking about it.

I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet
I don't get it. If tour not menopausal not even perimenopausal, how can you k ow what it's like and that it won't hits you when you do go through it?

I too was at my best a dew years before peri hit me. Then it did, then it became my life, then I chose to talk about it to those going through the same.

A large number of women for through it without much change, most will experience at least some level of fatigue, if not during the period stage, the years that follow. Some go through hell.

Hopefully you'll fall in the best category but how can you know when you're not there yet?

I know the majority of women on here will think I’m an obsessive bore but I don’t really care! I’m autistic so it’s allowed! If this information helps give even one person hope then that’s a good thing.

Bollocks. You can't use Autism as an excuse for being a smug bore. Good that it works for you, many people don't have 2 hours to go walking etc etc.

The empathy and compassion in the OP are just blowing me away

OP if take care as of your friends start to sense your lack of the above, their declining levels of Be Nice hormone (aka oestrogen) could result in some harsh truths coming your way

OP, lol 😅 I felt just like you when I was 47, being 47 was great. Then 48 arrived and my world changed, with brain fog, aching joints, arthritis, off the scale tiredness, vaginal atrophy, you name it.

Make the most of being 47 while you still can, mate, because you'll soon realise exactly what those awful, moaning friends of your are going through, so I hope they have more sympathy for you than you have for them. Maybe you won't need sympathy, but chances are that you will, so maybe think about paying it forward a tad.

I had a baby at 44 and cancer at 47. When I started losing my memory in my 50s I was convinced it was dementia. Luckily someone at work had done her research fought hard to set up a group and start to support and educate people about menopause.

Davina and Co have come along since and it's getting recognition. There are 43 symptoms, it's not just hot flushes.

Then on a parents group call some maternity returner wades in whining that everything's about the menopause and there's no policy on IVF....

👏

My mum and especially my Nan suffered pretty much in silence with their symptoms and had a really awful time later in life.

I wish society had been better at supporting them.

YABU. You are not in menopause and it hits you very hard when it comes. Like pregnancy/new motherhood, you don't really understand it until you are in it. Just because you feel great and are not yet in meno doesn't mean they should too. The brain fog is scary, the exhaustion is life sapping, and many experience something between feeling stuck in a rut to anhedonia. Couple this with skin and hair thinning and muscles sagging and many women feel invisible.

FWIW, I LOVE menopause. I had what now appears to have been hormone related severe depression from mid teens to early fifties. It vanished when menopause happened. I can't believe the renewal of energy I've gained. I feel happier, more confident etc. I am fitter than I've been in years. Kids are grown so DH and I can go out more etc - similar to what you are describing. But peri menopause was hellish. I had in peri what many women experience in meno so I have full sympathy with them.

😁😁

But you could say that about anything. Childbirth, breast feeding, relationships etc. we all have different experiences and if we didn’t talk about it to help others then I doubt this site would exist.

I don’t see how discussing the menopause is ageing? Surely it’s all about attitude. I still have so much energy and I don’t feel as though I’ve peaked yet. Not even close. But I can’t deny what my body is going through. It’s normal, and addressing it early could help delay any serious symptoms. Previous generations didn’t talk about this, there wasn’t as much research done before now. We need to embrace this, you’ll need to at some point and you’ll be glad of all those women who have gone before.

Lucky you, but you're NOT menopausal so how can you possibly understand how it feels for your friends? Surround yourself with positive 30 something's if it makes you feel better, but once your menopause starts, chances are they will sound just like you do about your conversations with your peers.

It seems to be the one bandwagon that trans activists haven't jumped on yet.... am waiting for that to happen.

I do agree in part OP, I think we're in grave danger here of making women look "feeble" and in need of medicating. Awareness is one thing, overload is another.

I'm 51 and well aware that it will bite me on the arse on some point fwiw.

OP, I'm bemused. You are by your own admission not menopausal (yet), but you are irritated and bored by the move towards women being able to talk about, and get treatment for menopausal symptoms. Very odd. You are in a way quite lucky, as the current move towards supporting women during menopause will benefit you in the long term. Or perhaps you would rather live out 'the change' in the dark as to what is happening, and without any help or advice as women historically have had to?

Dismissing the very real physical and mental issues faced by women during menopause is a bit like saying PMS is in the mind, PND can be cured by a a good talking to yourself, and hormones are something to roll your eyes about. I'm half convinced you are just here for a wind up.

My DM lived overseas during her menopause, and where she lived women's health is taken far more seriously. HRT was available as a matter of course, no arguing with GPs, no being prescribed anti-depressants instead. As a consequence she sailed through. I'm dubious as to whether I will have the same experience.

Menopause occurs most commonly between 45 and 55. You can be in Peri menopause for years. You've a longggggg way to go OP before you can be so smug.
Hopefully you'll sail through it and maintain your perfect life. Unlike those who are dealing with horrendous menopause symptoms alongside caring for rapidly declining elderly parents. Most of my friends fall into that category, some also dealing with health issues that you're more likely to encounter as you get older.
Here's hoping you have better friends around you if your bubble ever bursts.
I'm not offended by your post, more gobsmacked that you are so unsympathetic and so lacking in knowledge.

Make sure you don't go talking about it when it creeps up on you.......

I know the menopause can be awful but it isn't always. I went through it without realising. I only knew because gp wanted a blood test as I was on the mini pill. Apparently if you take it after the menopause it can cause osteoporosis. I had a blood test at 52 and the menopause wasn't even approaching. Had another at 54 and it had been and gone. I am 69 now and haven't had HRT. I do obviously have post menopausal symptoms such as dryness. My last smear test was painful. They never were before. Weight gain wasn't really noticeable as I wasn't slim anyway!