Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

[MrsJasonSudeikis]

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

I was quite late getting peri menopause symptoms started a few months before i was 49

a year in I feel a different woman so much about me is different, I look older aged about five years in one year, my skin not so fresh and plump, my hair is finer, I gain weight in my middle so my shape has changed, my skin is dry and itchy, the physical side is im worn out much of the time, get headaches far more often, feel weaker physically, the brian fog … what else was I about to say 😆 oh yes my anxiety is far worse and I obsess about little things. I’m actually scared to go to the GP to have something checked out this was never how I thought before I would have just made an appointment. I have far less of a sex drive, insomnia is the worse thins its awful and that effects my general mood, concentration and levels of energy. I still have regular periods but they are much heavier and I still ovulate regularly get all the symptoms about from that lovey rush of confidence (which I do miss)

I have recently stated HRT and within a week I was getting better sleep which really helped how I feel day to day

but I am not the woman I was before I’m fine with that I know many women struggle with this I accept it’s a different stage of my life it’s huge difference though

the plus side is not caring so much what others think of me has really helped me at work. I find it liberating I was always too concerned with that other thought of me and always a bit of a people pleaser

😂😂😎

Superb, @GillyGumbo

😂😂😂

Oh @worraliberty , haven't seen you in ages (old PP, new name) how excellent to see you in good form with that classic riposte

I was about to type YABU. But then I renembered being out with a friend to see a band we both like. Later after concert we bumped into 2 band members outside. Cue Hi's, photos them a little chat/banter.

Part way thru chat friend turned conversation to menopause woes. I was so annoyed. Not even the self-awareness to think to herself 'there's no reason on earth these guys want or need to know about my menopause, its nothing whatsoever to do with what we're all talking about, we're on a night out its not the time and place'.

I'm menopausal and hate it but I dont feel the need to bang on about it. It doesnt define the sum total of my life. Some people are doomcravers tho so its woe is me listen to my woes, any chance they get

OP, I think you may have stolen my life. Went into full menopause at 32, and feel utterly isolated as my peers are all doing marriage and babies, not menopause. I have nobody to talk to and I’m constantly being told that this is the prime of my life.

If you have stolen my life, please give it back, I miss it!

(YABU by the way.)

someone predicted a column and I was surprised to see this in the Sunday times today!! 😱😱😱

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/can-we-just-cool-it-with-this-menopause-mania-wgtbkxfhv

It will be a cold day in hell before I ever take life advice from India bloody Knight.

Yes OperationMincemeat!

Am sure she has a lot of stuff to get on with and barely noticed the menopause with her busy home life testifying for Eric Joyce.

rainbowmilk - I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I hope you have some good friends and support to talk about this. A friend of mine went through that experience. Open for a DM

I actually have no idea how you can know someone and see them go through the menopause in their bleeding 30s, then post what you have here. I honestly don’t get it.

Thank you for the well wishes, though.

What's your point. You don't strike me as happy at all. More like trying to convince yourself you're happy.

Taking the sting out of talking about it is a plus, but it seems to be more about being a new revenue stream for celebrities of a certain age so therefore no mileage in playing things down.

I was just like you in the 5 years before menopause started, then it hit me like a hammer! I'm not the same person anymore.

What an asshole

That article is hilarious. Start with how she understand how horrible it must be fir some and feeling fully supportive and understanding. Then she goes on about how most women just get in with it because there's more to life than the menopause.

It would be the same as some woman suffering from the occasional minor stomach ache telling one who suffers from severe endometriosis requiring medical treatment that she should get on with life because there more to it than endometriosis.

What a stupid and self absorbed woman!

Well it's quite a revelation when you discover you are not dying or losing your mind but just needed medication. You get your life back and I know exactly how empowered and relieved it makes you feel. Blame the NHS and government, women have been abused for generations by neglect and contempt. GPs have a general distain for women and especially hysterical women going through the change. A bit like PFB, you will look back at thismone day and bless those of us who have campaigned for access to a basic, safe and cheap lifesaver.

I assume the OP is India Knight. If so, an ideal opportunity to say India, do fuck off. You are hardly an example of good health or self care. And you cannot write to save your life.

This one line alone in a recent article "Women have experienced the menopause since women existed, and somehow got through it" shows the writer's complete lack of knowledge eg in the 1700s the average life span was 37 years. Someone needs to go back to the drawing board of reality.

I know right? She doesnt seem to have ‘sailed’ through it at all? Madness

Bloody hell! Are you telling me there's worse to come?
I'm finding it a struggle at 46. Periods are still regular (though horrendous PMS/ heavy periods/ cramping) but I'm emotionally and physically drained by the other symptoms. The PMS is by far the worst. Never known anything like how I've been these past few months with it.

also people used to die in agony from cancer because there wasn't adequate pain relief, they also used to have operations without general anaesthetic(not necessarily that same person you understand).
We used to publicly execute people and shove kids up chimneys.We could go on and on. Somehow women are supposed to put up with it all and stop moaning .
makes my blood boil.

Ok, so I've got as far as Sundays posts but I just want to say this before I read the rest of the thread ...

No, menopause/peri menopause are not killers. None of us are very likely to die from it.

It is however massively, MASSIVELY debilitating for so many women. It will impact work, mental and physical health and relationships quite severely for lots of us here.

Unlike many other milestone stages we go through I think society as a whole still writes us off as that odd woman in the corner of the office having a hot flush. We're objects of ridicule.

And now the tiny shoots of change are starting to show there's a pushback like that article above 😳. We should stop fear mongering.

Well thanks to declining oestrogen I am comfortable telling society -

Kindly fu$k off as I've given many of my best years to birthing and raising a child. After years of allowing my naive younger self to be put upon and taken advantage of. If I want to talk about how bloody lousy I feel, I will. This makes me feel less alone and having a laugh about it with like minded ladies reminds me we're not on the scrap heap yet.

On a good day I can wipe the floor with my twenty something colleagues (some of whom have anxiety so bad they are able to not do half of their job description ).

Aaaaaahhhh. Feel better after getting that off my saggy crepey chest.

I was actually at the end of the thread.