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Original poster

Why are all my friends talking about the menopause??

367 replies

MrsJasonSudeikis · 04/05/2022 12:15

Ok - I truly hope I don't offend anyone with this thread and I am fully aware that many women suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I know this is probably my own stuff/issues but where better to share/rant than than on AIBU??

I am 47 and a mother of 3 kids (14 and twins aged 11). I feel much more energetic now that my kids are older. I enjoy my job (meaningful) and have recently started back playing tennis and going to gigs/comedy gigs when we can with my husband. We have a really happy marriage (of course not perfect) and a great sex life! I would say we are having better sex than ever and I feel really at peace with my body and looks (although I looked great in my 20s but I never 'felt' it!) Life is pretty good and I don't wish to come across as the 'i'm alright jack' kind of person but almost everyone in my circle (some friends - not all have gone to the dark side!), work colleagues constantly talk about ageing, and being an older woman and the menopause in a really negative way and it it driving me crazy!! Life book the nursing home already!!?

They speak in the collective 'we' and this is not my experience at all! My energy (and I have to say sex drive) is much higher than it was!! I got my FSH levels checked and they are at 5 so I suspect I am not in menopause yet. My mother and sisters were the same (mid 50s more like). I totally understand that it is good to speak honestly about menopause and ageing but where are the positive role models and stories?? I know we have Emily in Paris (lol!) etc but I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it that I honestly feel like I will start to not have anything in common with my cohort/circles!

Am I in complete denial? Is it ok to name this? After 2 years of a pandemic, I want to surround myself with people of energy and youth and I know this sounds awful selfish!! I can be anxious at times (did during pandemic) but I am making a conscious decision to live my best life! The menopause also seems to be a reason and almost a personality trait for some women and the cause of all their woes which also annoys me!! I always found the lack of exercise and the tanking a bottle of wine a night (in past) was what was that caused anxiety for me much more. Not hormones.

End of rant and just saying - I am much more sympathetic IRL but I need to get this off my chest and wonder does anyone else out there feel like me??

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 04/05/2022 12:39

Give it 12 months Op and I suspect you may cringe at this post. I’m 47 and it’s honestly all gone downhill in last 6 months. Can’t believe how many things impacted. Fwiw I was a healthy weight, little alcohol and exercising. Started hrt but not been a miracle.

ReadyToMoveIt · 04/05/2022 12:39

I’m confused… you’re annoyed because you don’t have any menopausal symptoms and they do?

Badlifeday · 04/05/2022 12:40

ZenKaleidoscope · 04/05/2022 12:31

Have you had your empathy levels checked though?

Perfect response

Beamur · 04/05/2022 12:40

You're not in the menopause though. You might sail through it, you might not.
You might not be interested in talking about it now, or ever. But your friends are, this is their reality. But it's up to you how you disengage from these conversations.
I would have largely agreed with you with regards to not experiencing any 'symptoms' until maybe the last 18 months. I'm 51.

pussycatlickinglollyices · 04/05/2022 12:40

I am really feeling so triggered and a bit angry about it

Could you explain what you mean?

AryaStarkWolf · 04/05/2022 12:40

I'm not sure you can "mind over matter" hormone imbalances OP

FierceMamas · 04/05/2022 12:40

You do realise this has been a taboo subject for centuries and that in the past women were sectioned, given antidepressants and called hysterical for having menopausal symptoms? But you'd rather they didn't keep talking about it?

Would you also rather women stopped talking about post-natal depression, traumatic birth experiences, and periods??

FFS.

Hondelay · 04/05/2022 12:40

Glad you're having a great time. Not sure how other people experiencing health problems impacts you. Presumably you can continue to have a great time even if they're not.

Menopause and associated hormonal/systemic changes is a biological state that has health implications for over half the population. It hasn't previously been the subject of mainstream discussion and there is a lot of misunderstanding about it including terminology (eg presumably your friends are discussing peri- menopause, although you seem unaware of this) and the whole body effects it has on women during the last few decades of their lives. Some campaigners are trying to open discussion and mobilise for women's healthcare needs. You don't have to listen to them if it bores you. You can continue to have a great time: literally no one is stopping you.

TheVolturi · 04/05/2022 12:41

Your post just reads a bit stealth boasty really op sorry. I mean, why would these women be moaning about the menopause if they're not affected by it? If they felt as fabulous as you do they'd be living their fucking best life too wouldn't they.

Dixiechickonhols · 04/05/2022 12:42

Thinking about it I felt best I had in years at 45,46 - that probably makes it worse when you do go into peri menopause as you are so aware of how rubbish you now feel.

KangarooKenny · 04/05/2022 12:42

I had a horny surge mid/late 40’s, got fit, felt sexy. It didn’t last 🤣

Chilver · 04/05/2022 12:42

So you have a positive mindset, aren't feeling any symptoms yet (because you're probably not menopausal yet), living your best life ever - quite frankly, it sounds like you are implying that its other women's fault that they are suffering!

Menopause, in my mid thirties, has destroyed my body, my esteem and my sex life - many of the issues that could have been sorted before it was too late if only people, the public as well as medics, had talked about it more with me instead of just brushing me off. So I for one am delighted that it is (finally) getting daylight and people are talking about the issues and impact and offering solutions that weren't available for me.

Have some bloody empathy.

Badlifeday · 04/05/2022 12:42

KirstenBlest · 04/05/2022 12:28

Everybody is talking about it, or so it seems.
It might be different for others but I didn't have any problems.
Not sure if all the talk really helps women.

"It might be different for others" Kirsten, do you think? How gracious of you.

Legoninjago1 · 04/05/2022 12:42

Ummm ok! Not sure why you'd be 'triggered' by other people going through something difficult that you're gleefully not going though ... yet!

Redcrayons · 04/05/2022 12:42

Menopause isn’t a state of mind you can get over with a bit of positive thinking.

Wait till I starts happening to you and then see how you feel about it.

Copperpottle · 04/05/2022 12:43

It might be unrelated to menopause. Some people just love to declare themselves 'old' and start complaining. You see threads here all the time - "I'm 28 so I'm too old for friends and Converse and I can't go out anymore I am ugly and sad and old" and it's obviously very weird, and possibly just fishing.

My mum did it at about 30. She stopped seeing her friends, threw out her clothes then round drag us round C&A on Saturdays picking up plain baggy jumpers going "I have to wear this now I'm old", occasionally losing her rag and crying. My siblings and I would try to comfort her, but as the years went on I realised it was all a farce. She just opted out of living. She chose it.

I'm not yet 40, and there's a big difference between women my age who smile, laugh, go to fun places and do nice things, have fulfilling jobs and have lots to talk about, and women who want to be 'old' so they just say 'oh I'm too old for that' to any invitations, decline any possible events where fun might happen, and prefer to talk only about the pelvic floor or hysterectomies (I am of an age where women just TALK! about gynae issues ... Please don't!). I've been stuck in conversations like that and I honestly just walk off now. I think it's theatrical. Performing to the crowd. Who hits 40 and declares they're 'too old' for trainers and the cinema? It's competitive aging.

I leave them to it. Life's too short for that nonsense.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/05/2022 12:44

I suppose it's not interesting because you aren't in menopause yet. Do you also prefer not to hear about it or think about it because you are anxious and fearful about getting old? As much as you may feel great in your late 40s, you would need to be in denial to believe you aren't ageing like everyone else.

I agree there's no point wallowing in it or endlessly sighing and ruminating (I have a friend like this). But all the menopause research your friends are doing will come in handy for you soon enough!

Newgirls · 04/05/2022 12:44

Ok I’ll play. I’m at a great phase in my life - good job, good marriage, happy healthy kids and secure financially. I like being in my 50s.

However - I have family history of osteoporosis and heart issues so I want to be informed and protected against that in the future. I do lots of exercise and eat well but so did my grandmothers and they had a very rough time from about 60 onwards. So even when life is great I think it’s wise to get informed about declining hormone levels as that will happen to ALL of us.

AnyFucker · 04/05/2022 12:44

Have you had your empathy levels checked though?

boom 😊

KettrickenSmiled · 04/05/2022 12:44

If they felt as fabulous as you do they'd be living their fucking best life too wouldn't they.

😂😂😍

ReadyToMoveIt · 04/05/2022 12:45

I'm not yet 40, and there's a big difference between women my age who smile, laugh, go to fun places and do nice things, have fulfilling jobs and have lots to talk about, and women who want to be 'old' so they just say 'oh I'm too old for that' to any invitations, decline any possible events where fun might happen, and prefer to talk only about the pelvic floor or hysterectomies (I am of an age where women just TALK! about gynae issues ... Please don't!). I've been stuck in conversations like that and I honestly just walk off now. I think it's theatrical. Performing to the crowd. Who hits 40 and declares they're 'too old' for trainers and the cinema? It's competitive aging

weird. I’m 38 and none of my friends behave like that. We all happily go out, wear trainers and go to the cinema Confused

5128gap · 04/05/2022 12:46

I could have written most of your post OP (although I wouldn't have been brave enough!) I'm 52 and never felt better. I look way better than I did ten years, even twenty years ago, and bizarrely have managed to lose loads of weight and ended up with a 24" waist hourglass figure in place of my former hefty pear.
I have 2 theories.
One, my hormones were not my friend, and their absence had been beneficial. I read it sometimes works that way, although rarely.
Or two (less positive) as I'm only just post menopause it hasn't hit me yet and I'll be eating my words in a few months time.
Whichever, I'm very very grateful for my good fortune as long as it lasts.
(I don't think women who are suffering are exaggerating by the way, and im not irritated in the least by them. Nor do i think I'm in any way superior, just very lucky, so far.)

twopoes · 04/05/2022 12:46

Yeah, if you're not going through it then you can't really judge tbh. Some women do cruise through it just like some do with periods and pregnancy etc

It's good that we're talking about it, it's about fucking time!

Oh and your username namesake recently had custody papers served on his ex on stage so possibly a bit of an arsehole.

Eviebeans · 04/05/2022 12:47

I felt great at 50, then it all turned to shit at great speed- I really had no clue what was happening 😅 don't speak too soon is all I'll say...

DinoRock · 04/05/2022 12:47

Why are you angry about it?!