Partner goes shooting almost 5 to 6 days a week

[Bebenama]

been with my partner for a year, for the last 3months he’s been going shooting from 5pm till 11:30pm, and occasionally when he’s off work or weekend he will go all night and come back in the morning about 11am something 3pm in the afternoon. I’m not comfortable with this as I don’t feel that give us any time together.

l work till 4 and have school age kids from previous relationship so I’m the week I’m ready to chill with partner by 8pm. My partner work at home and finish mostly between 5 and 6pm and that is when he have a shower and prepare to go out.

I really don’t understand this shooting and hunting habit. When I met him I know he was into this but thought he only do it few days in a week as mostly he would be at mine by 8pm for just us to have a nice time. This is before we start leaving together about 5 months ago.

He wouldn’t take me out anywhere, anything I suggest he would make excuses so I give up asking. on the other hand I do all the cooking and most house work. I have to cook as I have kids in the house.

please let me know if this is normal relationship for him to go out almost every night and sometimes don’t come home.

Overnight shooting is odd but anyone whose dh has shot will tell you they get completely obsessed by it.

The men dh shot with fell into groups of divorced, in the process of divorcing, long term single, long suffering very tolerant wives like me, wives who took up shooting so they’d see their dh and wives who got sloshed in the gun house while the dh shot.

Then when they get home they tell you all about wind direction and how they shot 75 clays in a row till the wind changed <left eye twitches at the memory>

I got rid of one of those, the only one getting stressed was me, in my heart I knew he would never change. I went to weddings, christenings and other events on my own. I decided perhaps it would be less stressful to do these things alone by design, it was like a huge weight had been lifted when I made the decision. Let him go OP.

She didn't move him in after a year, she moved him in after a few months!
My relationship broke down and I have been a single parent for three years. I wouldn't dream of moving some man I've known a few months into my house with my kids!
And yes I do judge people who can't be alone and put their desperate need for a relationship over their kid's feelings and safety.

Get rid of him OP even if he's not cheating which he probably is, there is no point to this relationship he's obviously not interested in spending time with you and is just treating your home like a boarding house!

My partner work at home and finish mostly between 5 and 6pm and that is when he have a shower and prepare to go out.

Nobody has a shower before going shooting ... there's some bullshit going on here ...
And WTF is he shooting, until 11:30pm? - is he out lamping?

He's not your partner. He's just a man you shag sometimes. Sorry that sounds harsh but please look at the facts & start deaing with them, or you are going to end up seriously unhappy. He refuses to take you out, & just uses you for the few hours a week he bothers to spare you.

You talk about doing all the cooking & housework. You've let him move in, haven't you? Or at least - you let him turn up whenever he feels like it, whether that's 11:30 at night, or mid-afternoon.
He's treating you disrespectfully because you are tolerating it. Stop tolerating it! He just rolls into your home whenever he likes, eats your food, uses you as a hotel, & no doubt uses your body too.

Get rid of him. He thinks you are nothing more than a convenience he can access at whim. Stop being his doormat.

@WisherWood more fool you then love. So your always going to live separate from your partner because he has a child. No need to play the martyr children also have to adjust do they not like we all do with change. Maybe you should be more concerned about the fact your partner hadn't made any attempts to live with you after three years.

You also don't know how she met this man maybe she met him years ago. Silly to make assumptions isn't it.

She didn't move him in after a year, she moved him in after a few months!
My relationship broke down and I have been a single parent for three years. I wouldn't dream of moving some man I've known a few months into my house with my kids!
And yes I do judge people who can't be alone and put their desperate need for a relationship over their kid's feelings and safety.

Get rid of him OP even if he's not cheating which he probably is, there is no point to this relationship he's obviously not interested in spending time with you and is just treating your home like a boarding house!

My partner work at home and finish mostly between 5 and 6pm and that is when he have a shower and prepare to go out.

Nobody has a shower before going shooting ... there's some bullshit going on here ...
And WTF is he shooting, until 11:30pm? - is he out lamping?

He's not your partner. He's just a man you shag sometimes. Sorry that sounds harsh but please look at the facts & start deaing with them, or you are going to end up seriously unhappy. He refuses to take you out, & just uses you for the few hours a week he bothers to spare you.

You talk about doing all the cooking & housework. You've let him move in, haven't you? Or at least - you let him turn up whenever he feels like it, whether that's 11:30 at night, or mid-afternoon.
He's treating you disrespectfully because you are tolerating it. Stop tolerating it! He just rolls into your home whenever he likes, eats your food, uses you as a hotel, & no doubt uses your body too.

Get rid of him. He thinks you are nothing more than a convenience he can access at whim. Stop being his doormat.

@WisherWood more fool you then love. So your always going to live separate from your partner because he has a child. No need to play the martyr children also have to adjust do they not like we all do with change. Maybe you should be more concerned about the fact your partner hadn't made any attempts to live with you after three years.

You also don't know how she met this man maybe she met him years ago. Silly to make assumptions isn't it.

He's got a cushy set-up hasn't he! Starts dating you a year ago, moves in to your place 7 months later, and 2 months after that decides he wants to treat your place like a hotel and you hardly see him.

It also seems odd to me that he would have a shower before going out shooting seeing as it's done outdoors and dead animals don't care what he smells like. Why would he do that rather than shower when he gets home? Unless, of course, he wants to be fresh for someone else. And no, it's not a "normal relationship".

Shooting? His load presumably.

I really want to ask him leave the house today.

So do it. Pack his bags and dump him.

He's likely married and actually lives elsewhere.

@RightOnTheEdge

But you have no idea how she knows this man for one. Who also made the rule book on time you should know someone before you move in. I understand that it has to be a transitional period however just because we are mother's we are meant to remain alone in our homes for the next 18 years because heaven forbid we have a relationship with a man who isn't our ex partner.

So let me ask you what is the appropriate amount of time?

He's shooting something but it sure ain't a firearm.

Wise up OP, your poor kids.

Absolutely no way. I don't think I'd feel safe around a man with a gun, even if it's a BB gun or whatever, that dedicates so much time and passion to using it & killing things presumably for at least some pleasure or hobby, full stop! What if you have an argument and he reaches for it? Sounds like a dangerous combination.

Finally, and I always ask this as it makes people stop and think - when was the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers?

Do they stop and ask why you're making sexist assumptions about flowers? I mean my DP makes sure he has a few bottles of my favourite beer around. Any twit can pick up a bunch of flowers in a garage forecourt.

So your always going to live separate from your partner because he has a child. No need to play the martyr children also have to adjust do they not like we all do with change. Maybe you should be more concerned about the fact your partner hadn't made any attempts to live with you after three years.

A. children grow up and leave home. B. the child is coping with enough change as it is. C. living together isn't the goal of every couple and doesn't suit everyone.

Chuck him out, the ow will probably take him in.

Unfortunately I doubt very much he is out shooting.
He showers before he goes? What does he wear. Does he take an overnight bag with him, with his other clothes in?
Does he bring his kills home each time, or does he tell you he didn't shoot anything?

And this started up a few months after he moved in, before this he was there most evenings with you.

Think about it.

He has another woman who he regularly (most nights it seems) stays with, while you stay home and do his laundry and meals.
I bet she knows nothing about you and when he isn't with her, hes telling her hes doing his 'one or 2 nights shooting'. (which is what he was doing when he met you, no? I expect he was living with someone else then too and doing his '5-6 nights shooting' (but was actually at yours). Did you ever go to/stay at his house?

Of course if he is actually shooting, he is massively taking the piss anyway, and has no interest in the relationship except getting his clothes washed, shopping done and meals cooked. What effort is he putting into you?

He needs to go. What is he really bringing to your life? He doesn't even take you out!!

He wouldn't be still in my house with that behaviour. I'm sorry, it looks like he's using you for free board, lodging and (I'm guessing)occasional sex. Tell him to pack his bags and leave. If he wants a hunters lifestyle he should have no problem finding shelter in the woods. Maybe his other woman will take him in

Always think posters are terribly judgemental with moving him in after a year comments. Suspect these women are married and never had a breakdown of relationship because how long are you meant to remain together without living together. You vet people as soon as you meet them when u have kids so I wouldn't take any notice of that.

I’m sorry but I do judge people that move a random person in after less than a year. You can’t vet someone that you barely know. This thread is a prime example - clearly the op did a fantastic job of vetting this Prince before she moved him in.

I haven’t had a relationship breakdown but my mum was widowed young and she never brought a stranger into our home. I didn’t even know that she dated when we were younger until recently, I thought that she’d only started meeting people when we grew up. She said there was no need for us to know because they would never have been involved in our lives anyway. After losing my dad our home was our safe space and I’m forever grateful to my mum for preserving that for us.

My kids are the most precious thing in my life. They don’t need to feel second best to some bloke. They certainly deserve better than having their home invaded by some random. Parents need to think about the impact of their new relationships on their dc rather than what’s best for them.

You can have a good relationship without living together you know. Does he pay towards bills and food.

Always think posters are terribly judgemental with moving him in after a year comments. Suspect these women are married and never had a breakdown of relationship because how long are you meant to remain together without living together. You vet people as soon as you meet them when u have kids so I wouldn't take any notice of that.

I’m sorry but I do judge people that move a random person in after less than a year. You can’t vet someone that you barely know. This thread is a prime example - clearly the op did a fantastic job of vetting this Prince before she moved him in.

I haven’t had a relationship breakdown but my mum was widowed young and she never brought a stranger into our home. I didn’t even know that she dated when we were younger until recently, I thought that she’d only started meeting people when we grew up. She said there was no need for us to know because they would never have been involved in our lives anyway. After losing my dad our home was our safe space and I’m forever grateful to my mum for preserving that for us.

My kids are the most precious thing in my life. They don’t need to feel second best to some bloke. They certainly deserve better than having their home invaded by some random. Parents need to think about the impact of their new relationships on their dc rather than what’s best for them.

Pigeons and Squirrels aren't out for shooting overnight, they are out during daylight hours.

He has another relationship, tell him to leave today.

@WisherWood are you for real? You are really not going to live with your partner until their child moves out. I have never heard anything so ridiculous. Well be careful that old saying you never really know someone until you live with them. However if the OP was married I'm sure she would be met with a different response or if the children where biologically his. Now I'm not suggesting for a minute she has chosen a good one he's obviously a player and I wouldn't personally date anyone who liked blood sports that would be like 10 red flags at once. However I just find it laughable the majority of people think that single mothers should remain so until their child has flown the nest.

@WisherWood are you for real? You are really not going to live with your partner until their child moves out. I have never heard anything so ridiculous. Well be careful that old saying you never really know someone until you live with them. However if the OP was married I'm sure she would be met with a different response or if the children where biologically his. Now I'm not suggesting for a minute she has chosen a good one he's obviously a player and I wouldn't personally date anyone who liked blood sports that would be like 10 red flags at once. However I just find it laughable the majority of people think that single mothers should remain so until their child has flown the nest.