Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner goes shooting almost 5 to 6 days a week

237 replies

Bebenama · 04/05/2022 07:26

been with my partner for a year, for the last 3months he’s been going shooting from 5pm till 11:30pm, and occasionally when he’s off work or weekend he will go all night and come back in the morning about 11am something 3pm in the afternoon. I’m not comfortable with this as I don’t feel that give us any time together.

l work till 4 and have school age kids from previous relationship so I’m the week I’m ready to chill with partner by 8pm. My partner work at home and finish mostly between 5 and 6pm and that is when he have a shower and prepare to go out.

I really don’t understand this shooting and hunting habit. When I met him I know he was into this but thought he only do it few days in a week as mostly he would be at mine by 8pm for just us to have a nice time. This is before we start leaving together about 5 months ago.

He wouldn’t take me out anywhere, anything I suggest he would make excuses so I give up asking. on the other hand I do all the cooking and most house work. I have to cook as I have kids in the house.

please let me know if this is normal relationship for him to go out almost every night and sometimes don’t come home.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 04/05/2022 08:44

Does he owe you any money?

internetpersonme · 04/05/2022 08:48

darlingdodo · 04/05/2022 07:51

Aye, right.

Yeah I hope so too.

Wereeaglesdare · 04/05/2022 08:49

You know he's only going shooting with his love gun.

Get rid love. Your home your rules. Always think posters are terribly judgemental with moving him in after a year comments. Suspect these women are married and never had a breakdown of relationship because how long are you meant to remain together without living together. You vet people as soon as you meet them when u have kids so I wouldn't take any notice of that. So many women on this site try and make other women feel guilty. Goodluck OP you will find someone much better suited to you. Also I don't think i could love a man who hunted animals for sport.

internetpersonme · 04/05/2022 08:50

SafelySoftly · 04/05/2022 08:29

You’ve only been together a year, you have children by a previous relationship and he’s moved in (clearly some time ago). Just wow. Your poor kids. End it now.

I moved in with someone this quickly. I was 19 with no kids and that was a bad enough mistake!

muddyford · 04/05/2022 08:50

Woodpigeons are legal quarry all year but are usually shot at dusk. He could be lamping for foxes or rabbits. But I would find this very suspect behaviour in terms of frequency and not being back by midnight.

internetpersonme · 04/05/2022 08:50

Wereeaglesdare · 04/05/2022 08:49

You know he's only going shooting with his love gun.

Get rid love. Your home your rules. Always think posters are terribly judgemental with moving him in after a year comments. Suspect these women are married and never had a breakdown of relationship because how long are you meant to remain together without living together. You vet people as soon as you meet them when u have kids so I wouldn't take any notice of that. So many women on this site try and make other women feel guilty. Goodluck OP you will find someone much better suited to you. Also I don't think i could love a man who hunted animals for sport.

Love gun 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤮🤮🤮🤮

Yerroblemom1923 · 04/05/2022 08:55

Shooting is usually a weekend activity as most people work during the week. What is he shooting? Pheasants, grouse, duck, partridge, rabbits, wood pigeon? All easier to do in daylight with a spaniel to pick up the fallen bird, I'd say.
I'd be highly suspicious of his nocturnal activity.

WisherWood · 04/05/2022 08:56

Always think posters are terribly judgemental with moving him in after a year comments. Suspect these women are married and never had a breakdown of relationship because how long are you meant to remain together without living together.

If you read the OP, she moved him in after about six months together. I've been with my partner three years and we have no plans to live together, partly because he has a child who lives with him seven days a week and the disruption wouldn't be fair to them. I've had relationship breakdowns. I've never been married. And yes, I'd bloody judge someone for moving a man in that quickly with their children.

BubblegumIceLollies · 04/05/2022 08:59

TomAllenWife · 04/05/2022 07:32

I would guess that he's not shooting

He's got another relationship

Please value yourself more

This was my first thought too!

MaggieFS · 04/05/2022 09:01

I'd have his bags packed ready for the next time he comes back, take the key from him, make sure he doesn't owe you any money and send him on his merry way.

EthicalNonMahogany · 04/05/2022 09:02

why thank you @Piglet89

tootiredtoocare · 04/05/2022 09:02

Read what you wrote again. What would you think?

OneTC · 04/05/2022 09:02

However, it sounds to me that he is 'lamping' which is illegal.

No it's not

user1471517095 · 04/05/2022 09:04

You're his maid. Move him out.

Seraphinesupport · 04/05/2022 09:06

hes not shooting

Grantanow · 04/05/2022 09:06

Overnight shooting seems a bit unusual.

DenholmElliot · 04/05/2022 09:08

Where on earth did you meet him? If it was on a dating site (which I'm amazed women still use) then he was probably just looking for a target, someone he could move in with quickly and get all his house-keeping and sex and emotional needs met while he himself continues to live the exact life HE wants. It wouldn't have made much difference who the woman was, as long as she provided this then he was quite happy. Sorry if that sounds upsetting.

Finally, and I always ask this as it makes people stop and think - when was the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers?

Seraphinesupport · 04/05/2022 09:08

also he isn't shooting pigeon and squirrel at night nor in the evening.

Azerothi · 04/05/2022 09:08

Your boyfriend clearly doesn't want to spend any time with you. How do you think you can make him? By calling him partner, when you don't even live together, you sound way more invested in the relationship than your boyfriend is.

It is your poor children I feel for, not you. You chose to bring him into their lives so soon. Another male figure gone from their lives. Try and treat them better.

JanetPluchinsky · 04/05/2022 09:09

Even if he is out legitimately shooting (lamping?), that’s fucking revolting.

I mean I don’t like bloodsports at all but there’s a world of difference between organised pheasant shooting at the weekend and what he’s doing. He must be a cruel man in general to enjoy flushing out terrified animals before executing them in this way. Plus all the people I’ve ever known to do this (not many) have been as rough as arseholes.

LuaDipa · 04/05/2022 09:14

So much to unpick here.

Firstly, unless he’s coming home with rabbits every morning he is categorically not out shooting every night. Even then he’d be out a couple of hours at most. He’s lying to you.

Secondly, why is your partner of only a year living with you and your kids? Does he even pay rent? I’m assuming keeping these hours he doesn’t have an actual job so is money that should be going to your kids being spent supporting this loser?

Look op, he’s making an absolute mug of you. He’s got somewhere to come home and store his stuff while he’s out all night, likely with another woman, and you’re just letting him do it. You’ve only been together two minutes. You deserve better than this so why are you tolerating it. A shit partner is not better than no partner. Get rid and focus on your kids and building up your self esteem.

iheartmybeachhut · 04/05/2022 09:18

Don't believe a word of this shooting business, unless he's poaching most animals he claims to be shooting wouldn't be out at night.
I used to shoot years ago and you need the patience of a saint waitting for pigeons or grey squirrels [illegal to shoot reds] to settle after a gun has been fired. They spook very easily.
Sounds more like a double life, where does he keep the gun, it should be looked in a gun cabinet and does he have a license for it ? The police are very robust on that sort of thing.
[I'm a vegan now and very anti guns]

iheartmybeachhut · 04/05/2022 09:19

Don't believe a word of this shooting business, unless he's poaching most animals he claims to be shooting wouldn't be out at night.
I used to shoot years ago and you need the patience of a saint waitting for pigeons or grey squirrels [illegal to shoot reds] to settle after a gun has been fired. They spook very easily.
Sounds more like a double life, where does he keep the gun, it should be looked in a gun cabinet and does he have a license for it ? The police are very robust on that sort of thing.
[I'm a vegan now and very anti guns]

WheresTheUserManual · 04/05/2022 09:19

We all have hobbies and that's healthy. However, when they interfere with 'life' that's when they become a problem.
Pro athletes will obviously train most days per week but they're the exception to the norm. I'm assuming he's (?) not training for a special event and that this isn't part of a short term thing?
Have you sat down (no distractions, INCLUDING phones, no kids etc) and explained you want to see him but with his current schedule your unable to?
By 'hunting', what sort of game are we talking here - rabbits or deer? Isn't your freezer stacked full of meat by now?
In answer to your "am I being reasonable" question, yep, as a bloke, I can definitely say you ARE being reasonable 🙂

Fluffycloudland77 · 04/05/2022 09:20

Overnight shooting is odd but anyone whose dh has shot will tell you they get completely obsessed by it.

The men dh shot with fell into groups of divorced, in the process of divorcing, long term single, long suffering very tolerant wives like me, wives who took up shooting so they’d see their dh and wives who got sloshed in the gun house while the dh shot.

Then when they get home they tell you all about wind direction and how they shot 75 clays in a row till the wind changed <left eye twitches at the memory>