Partner goes shooting almost 5 to 6 days a week

[Bebenama]

been with my partner for a year, for the last 3months he’s been going shooting from 5pm till 11:30pm, and occasionally when he’s off work or weekend he will go all night and come back in the morning about 11am something 3pm in the afternoon. I’m not comfortable with this as I don’t feel that give us any time together.

l work till 4 and have school age kids from previous relationship so I’m the week I’m ready to chill with partner by 8pm. My partner work at home and finish mostly between 5 and 6pm and that is when he have a shower and prepare to go out.

I really don’t understand this shooting and hunting habit. When I met him I know he was into this but thought he only do it few days in a week as mostly he would be at mine by 8pm for just us to have a nice time. This is before we start leaving together about 5 months ago.

He wouldn’t take me out anywhere, anything I suggest he would make excuses so I give up asking. on the other hand I do all the cooking and most house work. I have to cook as I have kids in the house.

please let me know if this is normal relationship for him to go out almost every night and sometimes don’t come home.

Perhaps I can answer.

YEARS.

Not months. You're supposed to date and get to know someone. Check that you are compatible, that you see the important stuff like money, politics, ambition, the future in the same way. After 6 months I'd expect people to decide yes, we like each other, maybe in love, and to be in a position to make plans like holidays together, Christmas etc. After you spent some quality time together on a couple of holidays or weekends you may then introduce them to your children. I'd expect this to be at least a year, maybe 2. And then they will get to know each other but not full on. Perhaps a midweek dinner etc. I wouldn't expect him to be spending any time alone with them at this point, or for him to be staying in your house while they are there. After a year or two he may then become a permanent fixture in yours and your kids life. Otherwise your putting your fanny before your kids.

You've no idea what a bloke may be capable to after 5 months. They may bleed you dry, be abusive to your or your children or they may be a alright bloke but you decide it's not working out and then you have to extract him from your and your children's live and that can be very unsettling for them. They lose a father figure.

Perhaps I can answer.

YEARS.

Not months. You're supposed to date and get to know someone. Check that you are compatible, that you see the important stuff like money, politics, ambition, the future in the same way. After 6 months I'd expect people to decide yes, we like each other, maybe in love, and to be in a position to make plans like holidays together, Christmas etc. After you spent some quality time together on a couple of holidays or weekends you may then introduce them to your children. I'd expect this to be at least a year, maybe 2. And then they will get to know each other but not full on. Perhaps a midweek dinner etc. I wouldn't expect him to be spending any time alone with them at this point, or for him to be staying in your house while they are there. After a year or two he may then become a permanent fixture in yours and your kids life. Otherwise your putting your fanny before your kids.

You've no idea what a bloke may be capable to after 5 months. They may bleed you dry, be abusive to your or your children or they may be a alright bloke but you decide it's not working out and then you have to extract him from your and your children's live and that can be very unsettling for them. They lose a father figure.

Whatever he's up to, he's no "partner". This is not a healthy, balanced relationship and it's better to get rid of the dead weight sooner rather than later. It's never going to get better.

but I just want to get rid him as I don’t see the point if we don’t spend time together

Yes get rid of him for that reason. It's a good enough reason.
Whether he's shooting or not, or drinking with mates, or whatever, he isn't interested in spending time with you and for that reason he should go.

But I don't believe he shoots pigeons in the middle of the night....

more fool you then love. So your always going to live separate from your partner because he has a child. No need to play the martyr children also have to adjust do they not like we all do with change.
How telling that you feel that not being shacked up with a man is martyrdom, but are so insecure about your own arrangements that you had to sneer at @WisherWood for putting her children first.
It's not necessary to live with a man in order to enjoy companionship, love, sex, whatever. Moving one in after a few short months, when you have kids, is selfish idiocy. It doesn't teach them how to deal with change. It teaches them that they are less important than some random cocklodger.

Maybe you should be more concerned about the fact your partner hadn't made any attempts to live with you after three years.
Aaaaw, @Wereeaglesdare - another one who needs to get her validation from a man, & believes this gives her more "status" than the PP she reckons she is queening it over with this pathetic comment.

Perhaps I can answer.

YEARS.

Not months. You're supposed to date and get to know someone. Check that you are compatible, that you see the important stuff like money, politics, ambition, the future in the same way. After 6 months I'd expect people to decide yes, we like each other, maybe in love, and to be in a position to make plans like holidays together, Christmas etc. After you spent some quality time together on a couple of holidays or weekends you may then introduce them to your children. I'd expect this to be at least a year, maybe 2. And then they will get to know each other but not full on. Perhaps a midweek dinner etc. I wouldn't expect him to be spending any time alone with them at this point, or for him to be staying in your house while they are there. After a year or two he may then become a permanent fixture in yours and your kids life. Otherwise your putting your fanny before your kids.

You've no idea what a bloke may be capable to after 5 months. They may bleed you dry, be abusive to your or your children or they may be a alright bloke but you decide it's not working out and then you have to extract him from your and your children's live and that can be very unsettling for them. They lose a father figure.

@LuaDipa

Sorry to hear about your dad but I think the circumstances are completely different. It is one thing to keep introducing new men in to your children's lives but to pick a good one and stay with them and for them to take on your child is actually something which can benefit you and your child. Stronger income, better stability, two role models. What's the difference between adopting a child and taking on someone's children as your own. I wonder how long it would take for you to change ur tune if you were alone with ur child and you met a man. I'm not saying the OP did q great job as vetting him as a partner However she obviously can trust him around her kids. There's a difference most of the fucking husbands and amazinnng fathers on here have OW.

So, what to do about it.

You tell him, when he rocks up today that you are not happy because he is prioritising his hobby. You have told him this and he hasn't listened and therefore you think it best to end the relationship and you would like him to move out.

If you want to, give him a few days to find somewhere. During that time, stop doing ANYTHING for him. No meals, no washing, nothing.
If he suddenly turns all nice saying he loves you, just ignore him. Too little too late, mate.

If he refuses to move out and becomes aggressive with you, you can involve the police. Tell them he is refusing to leave your home, and you are concerned because he owns a gun. That'll get their attention and they'll be able to escort him off for you.

@LuaDipa

Sorry to hear about your dad but I think the circumstances are completely different. It is one thing to keep introducing new men in to your children's lives but to pick a good one and stay with them and for them to take on your child is actually something which can benefit you and your child. Stronger income, better stability, two role models. What's the difference between adopting a child and taking on someone's children as your own. I wonder how long it would take for you to change ur tune if you were alone with ur child and you met a man. I'm not saying the OP did q great job as vetting him as a partner However she obviously can trust him around her kids. There's a difference most of the fucking husbands and amazinnng fathers on here have OW.

Well regardless of whether he is killing animals "for fun" or shooting his load in other ways, I would have his bags packed.

I would also be changing the locks.

There’s only one thing he’s shooting and it’s not Percy Pigeon or Sammy Squirrel.

You are unreasonable for being with someone who takes joy in killing animals on a daily basis. I wouldn’t even entertain a man who shoots/hunts.

Sure he has all he wants. He used to call around to see you to get in with you. Now he has done that he just goes out with the lads most night. He is completely using you. I think you're right kick home out!

You are really not going to live with your partner until their child moves out. I have never heard anything so ridiculous. Well be careful that old saying you never really know someone until you live with them.

Really? The most ridiculous thing you've ever heard in your entire life is someone not moving in with their partner because it doesn't suit either of them and because there's a child involved? Okay then. As for getting to know him, I'm fairly long in the tooth. I know it can take a very long time to get to know someone and that they do change.

Really @Wereeaglesdare I'd try not to take this thread so personally. No-one is commenting on your relationship, whatever that is. The OP moved a man she'd only been dating for a few months into her house, with her children. She now wants him out because of his behaviour. It's quite reasonable to suggest that next time she waits years rather than months before she thinks about moving a man in.

Either your partner is lying to you or he’s out killing small animals all night, either way you should leave him immediately.

Either your partner is lying to you or he’s out killing small animals all night, either way you should leave him immediately.

It's your house!?

Good grief woman, pack up his stuff, change the locks and tell him to get lost!

Would you entertain a man who is employed by a supermarket?
By a road haulage company?
By a marketing company? An advertising company?
You know all these professions also thrive on killed animals?

Do you eat meat?
Would you rather animals were killed cleanly in the wild, or do you prefer them to live in captivity, be transported in extreme discomfort, & killed slowly, in pain & terror, in an abattoir?

Doesn't matter if he's cheating on you with another woman or cheating on you with his obsessive hobby. The result is that this man is not emotionally available for a relationship with YOU.

Frankly, he sees you as bed & board with sex added in. Your house, your cooking, your cleaning is what he's after - but not your company.

Tell him to go.There is no relationship here, just him using you as a convenience. :(

Fortunately my mum didn’t need a man to ‘take on’ her children. She was perfectly capable of raising us on her own. She didn’t need anyone else to offer stability or money, that was her job as a parent and she took her responsibilities very seriously. I couldn’t have asked for a better role model and the fact that she was such a great mum is likely why I hold the opinions that I do.

I’m unsure how you think adopted children are comparable at all. Children who are adopted have no suitable family. The children we are talking about have at least one parent who is perfectly capable of caring for them. They don’t need anyone else.

It’s actually quite terrifying that you seem to think that this man can ‘obviously’ be trusted around op’s dc. You don’t know him anymore than she does. He’s never even there. Best case scenario he’s ok with the kids, worse case doesn’t bare thinking about. It’s not something I would care to risk.

I can assure you that I will never ‘change my tune’. I’m secure in myself and quite happy being alone. I love my dh but if we were to split I wouldn’t be in any rush to meet someone else. I certainly wouldn’t live with another man as I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardise my dc’s inheritance. They are teenagers now but still the most important thing in the world to me.

Get him out! Get a friend to be with you when you confront him if necessary. Pack his bags and change the locks. I couldn't be with someone who gets pleasure from killing or hounding wild animals for kicks. It's disgusting and would be a total showstopper for me. He doesn't value your relationship. He is using your house for free lodgings. You'd be better off alone. Good luck, OP.

"If you want to, give him a few days to find somewhere."

Don't. Tell him to leave TODAY. Whatever friends he goes shooting with continuously, I'm sure at least one of them has a sofa. He lived somewhere else five months ago, it's time for him to live somewhere else today. This morning preferably. Give him a few days and it he will put the OP under a barrage of pleading and promises. He needs to go ASAP.

You moved a random man in with your children after 6 months? A man with guns?

What in the actual fuck is wrong with you? No, it's not normal. But neither are your actions.

This can't be real.

He's using your house, hospitality, your a cleaner for him, and I'm guessing he still gets sex, swans in and out when he wants... what exactly do you get out of the relationship?

Do it! Tell him to pack up his stuff and leave .