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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of group child parties where I'm expected to buy at three gifts etc??

241 replies

Snowwhite83 · 04/05/2022 06:10

Hi,
My 6 year old son really enjoys going to other children's parties which I realise are expensive for parents and I don't mind bringing gifts but it annoys me when its three or more kids together and I have ti buy multiple presents. I also don't like buying rubbish as a rule and I find its impossible to get a present under a tenner these days. Am I being unreasonable and should I stop grumblimg and fork out? Or say my child can't attend?

OP posts:
HistoricMoment · 04/05/2022 08:35

I find this annoying too, especially when my DC is friends with only one of them and I need to buy a present for a child whose party they wouldn't normally have been invited to.
It's not the done thing to give money where I live, it needs to be a proper present.

Magicfeet11 · 04/05/2022 08:37

I just do practical or consumable things - e.g. stickers, colouring book, felt tips, pencil case, maybe sweets or chocolate. I never spend more than £10

Funkyslippers · 04/05/2022 08:37

My DD went to a party for 3 classmates (,2 twins plus 1 friend). Wish now I'd just bought presents for 2 of them as she didn't know the other girl and the party was extremely cheap (ie no birthday cake, just a cheapy cupcake in a pack of 10 for £1)

SafelySoftly · 04/05/2022 08:37

You sound really quite grumpy. You’d be complaining if there were 3 separate parties you never had a weekend free. The poor kids haven’t had many parties for 2 years! And just give a mini present if you can’t afford, no one cares!

ancientgran · 04/05/2022 08:38

BogRollBOGOF · 04/05/2022 08:04

In DS's class, there about half the class have birthdays in a 2 month window. We were over halfway through yR before there was an invitation and suddenly the diary filled with parties at 2-3 per weekend.

In y1 there were a lot of joint parties because it was logistically easier to fit them in and the guest list overlapped anyway. Much, much easier!
We did a shared one, which meant we could do a more expensive activity. If it had been just us, we'd have stayed with soft play.

The problem's eased because we lost 2 years of birthday season as they were his heavily by restrictions in 20/21, and now they're at the age where it's smaller groups but there is natural overlap. Why do the same party 2 weeks in a row so some guest feels like they get better value from buying their gift?

Maybe a family that is struggling would only go to one party as they could only afford one present. Feeling they have to buy 2, 3 or 4 presents might mean their child doesn't go to any parties.

ChanceNorman · 04/05/2022 08:39

We stick a fiver in a card.

As someone with 3 dc I would also far far prefer receiving a fiver in a card!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 04/05/2022 08:42

At my daughters party in March one friend gave her an Easter egg. She was just as happy with that as she was the £10 note or the massive science kit.

If someone thinks negatively of a cheaper, small present they aren't really worth knowing. Or indeed no present!

Gizacluethen · 04/05/2022 08:43

www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/toys/books/3-for-2-on-selected-books/c/great-value-books

A book each and a bar of chocolate each. And you'll definitely be able to get them cheaper elsewhere, just thought of smyths offer because I was there yesterday and saw it.

Gizacluethen · 04/05/2022 08:43

Although I see your point. They're saving on the cost of a party and your kid is missing out on two parties but you're still having to provide the same number of gifts.

ReadyToMoveIt · 04/05/2022 08:52

HistoricMoment · 04/05/2022 08:35

I find this annoying too, especially when my DC is friends with only one of them and I need to buy a present for a child whose party they wouldn't normally have been invited to.
It's not the done thing to give money where I live, it needs to be a proper present.

You don’t have to do the ‘done thing’ you know? The world won’t implode.

Painiscrap · 04/05/2022 08:58

I agree with you OP. I also hate joint parties where each child expects to get a gift. My child was once invited to a joint birthday party held by 4 children in his class. I bought them each a gift, but only spent about half what I would normally spend on each child (still cost me over £20 though). My child would have much rather been invited to separate parties, as he didn’t even like 2 of the children (bullies), and wouldn’t have gone to their parties.

One of those, whom he didn’t like, later told him that his gift had been ‘crap’ and he wouldn’t be invited next time! Nothing worse than entitled little brats.

Fruby · 04/05/2022 09:08

I’ve been to parties where I’ve given presents, and ones where I haven’t because I was too busy or forgot to get anything. I don’t think anyone noticed either way.

Neverreturntoathread · 04/05/2022 09:11

I love throwing kids parties. I do not care about the gift at all. I’d be really sad if a child wasn’t able to come because their mum was fixated on the present side of it!

Either put a fiver in each card, or buy them something cheap from eg poundland and get over your ‘I only buy great presents’ snobbery. My child is currently thrilled with a light up keyring from Amazon.

tootiredtoocare · 04/05/2022 09:12

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/05/2022 06:44

buy 10 cards for a quid from the card factory
buy toys/ books from the Works
done.

This - colouring pens and colouring books always go down well for most ages and you'd probably get all 3 sets from the Works for £15. As for cards, kids barely look at them so cheap ones are fine. Personally, I'd rather one party instead of three, as I found them utter torture.

LittlePennow · 04/05/2022 09:20

I'm totally gobsmacked by the people here who view it as a transaction - the present is the price of the party, so your DC deserve one party for every present?! Or if the party has been catered more cheaply than you think your present(s) were worth, it's taking the piss? Seriously, wtf. These are kids' parties! The party is for the birthday child and their friends to enjoy, thrown at the expense of the birthday child / children's family/ies. Your present does not entitle you to an outing for your own DC. This is such a shitty way to think about it. Plus you really don't have to spend more than a few quid on a present - books from bargain bookshops, crayons and a colouring book, craft kit etc. I actually cannot get my head round the entitled and unpleasant way some of you view this. If everyone thought like you and considered not attending a party because it was a joint one, so they weren't getti t their "presents' worth", you'd end up with some upset little people! Nasty. This thread has certainly opened my eyes!

Giveaschitt · 04/05/2022 09:20

I also hate joint parties where each child expects to get a gift.

But do they expect a gift? Or are you just assuming they do? Are we talking invitations that say 'you must provide a gift for each child', someone on the door checking you've got gifts for everyone? Or just that you feel you can't turn up with just the one present?

LightEveningsAreBack · 04/05/2022 09:21

Buy cheap token gifts, the prime age most of these parties take place at the kids are easily pleased. My children are 4 and 6 and go wild for tat. No one notes down what anyone bought, so I wouldn't worry. The sad thing about this is it's usually the poor kids who try to buy ££ gifts and those who are better off tend to buy the cheap presents (going off close friends when we discussed party present budgets).

LightEveningsAreBack · 04/05/2022 09:23

Buy cheap token gifts, the prime age most of these parties take place at the kids are easily pleased. My children are 4 and 6 and go wild for tat. No one notes down what anyone bought, so I wouldn't worry. The sad thing about this is it's usually the poor kids who try to buy ££ gifts and those who are better off tend to buy the cheap presents (going off close friends when we discussed party present budgets).

BigWoollyJumpers · 04/05/2022 09:26

Better than the mean Mum who decides to have her childs birthday on the same day as another, so one child inevitably is left with few/no attendees. It happened at our primary school a couple of times..... it caused huge stress, upset and anxiety.

ReadyToMoveIt · 04/05/2022 09:27

I'm totally gobsmacked by the people here who view it as a transaction - the present is the price of the party, so your DC deserve one party for every present?! Or if the party has been catered more cheaply than you think your present(s) were worth, it's taking the piss? Seriously, wtf. These are kids' parties! The party is for the birthday child and their friends to enjoy, thrown at the expense of the birthday child / children's family/ies

Totally agree with this. Honestly I’m gobsmacked at how many people are annoyed that they don’t feel they’re getting their money’s worth… from a kid’s party! How people have the energy to give this sort of stuff headspace I have no idea.
Kids like parties. Kids like presents (mainly tat). I’d like to say noone is judging the cost/quality of those parties or presents, but quite clearly, from reading this thread, that is not true!
The meanness and pettiness on display here is breathtaking.

Sisisimone · 04/05/2022 09:29

Are these a thing now? Dd has moved to high school this year but there weren't any joint parties when she was in primary. With costs as they are now maybe it means kids will get a party when the family otherwise couldn't afford one. Certainly wouldn't begrudge 2 presents, I'd have to buy those anyway I the parties were separate. Seems really petty to consider not letting my child go just because he wasn't getting the benefit of 2 parties 🙄

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/05/2022 09:32

DS started reception in sept. Obv 30 children in the class. take away 13w for holiday leaving 39w for parties

We end up having parties most weekends. Which is fine if free if have plans say no

i don’t get the issue of 3 parties and 3 pressies or one party for 3 in a class and all get a pressie

assuming if it’s about money /getting same back you give 🙄 would do a party and invite all the class and get countless pressies back

most have done a class party this year as did we . esp as 2 previous birthdays if spring time been cancelled

I won’t be doing a class one next year and have said that in the class wats app

Tothepoint99 · 04/05/2022 09:33

Snowwhite83 · 04/05/2022 06:16

Hi RJnomore,

Tbh yes I would prefer separate or a max of two child parties so atleast my son gets to go to several different ones as he really enjoys them. Doesn't have to be a big fancy party either as I think these are overrated and must be expensive.

I agree! Going to parties is so exciting for a child and it's lovely to see them playing with their friends.

TheKeatingFive · 04/05/2022 09:33

The meanness and pettiness on display here is breathtaking.

I know, it's awful. Poor kids

OP just pick up some cheap crap from The Works and get over yourself. I don't buy cards, my kid makes one.

TheKeatingFive · 04/05/2022 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Accidental duplicate