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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of group child parties where I'm expected to buy at three gifts etc??

241 replies

Snowwhite83 · 04/05/2022 06:10

Hi,
My 6 year old son really enjoys going to other children's parties which I realise are expensive for parents and I don't mind bringing gifts but it annoys me when its three or more kids together and I have ti buy multiple presents. I also don't like buying rubbish as a rule and I find its impossible to get a present under a tenner these days. Am I being unreasonable and should I stop grumblimg and fork out? Or say my child can't attend?

OP posts:
VanillaIce1 · 04/05/2022 06:54

I have the opposite horror at the moment.

I held a party for my daughter this weekend and she had about 8 friends here from class. She was given 2 £20 notes. And big massive toys that was expensive from each parent after I had told the parents please just come and don't worry about a gift. It's lovely but Shock was a fiver in a card when I was that age.

Badlifeday · 04/05/2022 06:55

If people combine parties to save on the expense, why is it hard to understand that for the attendees you have actually increased the expense?

prescribingmum · 04/05/2022 06:55

tomatoandherbs · 04/05/2022 06:43

Bloody hell OP

Am I being unreasonable and should I stop grumblimg and fork out?
yes, stop grumbling
no need to “fork out”. Just get Waterstones or WH Smith vouchers

* Or say my child can't attend?*
and I have no words for this comment OP. Ok, knowing your son enjoys them, perhaps I do. Spiteful. Nasty. Spring to mind.

Agree, very spiteful if you want to turn down the invite knowing full well he enjoys the party.

MN obsession with gifts is really something else. You don't need to buy anything fancy or expensive, lots of decent things for under £10.

DD has 7 class birthdays in one month. I am eternally grateful the parents saw sense to condense this into 3 parties as 3 weekends in a month was hard enough to juggle, imagine 7 separate parties! I wouldn't have dreamt of complaining about buying more than one gift for each. Those that held joint parties were also very generous with take home gifts which ended up being a sturdy item that cost well over £10 rather than a bag of tat

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 04/05/2022 06:56

I’ve had this recently, 3 babies all had a joint 1st birthday. I got them each some trucks for about £10 a present. Was quite expensive but I would rather they were done in one go. Then the next week we had a twins 1st birthday party and they each got a nice book. It does add up but then I will invite them all to my daughters 1st birthday when she turns 1 next month.

Iknowitisheresomewhere · 04/05/2022 06:56

Round here at least half the joint parties request only one present, parents then divide out. Obviously if there is no such request I buy two presents, but if I host a joint whole class party I definitely don’t want 30 presents for my child and I would say so!

BarbaraofSeville · 04/05/2022 06:57

Badlifeday · 04/05/2022 06:42

but you'd be getting 3 separate outings for your dc to enjoy..

Show quote history

I suppose the issue is that is your child friends with all the 'hosts' and would he be invited to their party if they all had separate parties?

If not, you find yourself feeling obliged to buy three gifts to attend one party where your child may hardly know or not be friends with some of the host children.

OP you'll probably get a lot of good suggestions for non rubbish gifts for less money. Such as multipacks of books from The Works or the Book People, that you can split up. One suggestion on another thread that I thought was good was to get a large (or small) box of Maltesers and tape a fiver to it (or not).

Possibly also add a book from a multipack.

Bunnycat101 · 04/05/2022 07:00

We’ve had a few of these and in all honesty I did think the triple one should have done some gift coordinating. There have been a fair amount of double ones and I’ve not batted an eyelid for double presents for those.

Didiplanthis · 04/05/2022 07:01

'super cheeky imo, we know a set of twins who have a joint party, but the invitation is always from only one of them, for whom we naturally buy a gift'

Really ?? My twins have a joint party .. they would be quite upset if only one of them got a present ( one shared present is fine so long as it is sharable !) , although they do have the same friend group. They always take a present from each of them for the birthday child when they go to parties 🤷‍♀️ I wouldn't think it 'cheeky' that both twins like being recognised ... as other people said.. bag of sweets or bar of chocolate is just as welcomed by them as a bigger gift.

Ohdoleavemealone · 04/05/2022 07:01

I don't mind when 2 kids do a joint party. My work hosted a joint party for 5 kids last weekend though which felt a bit mean. Not very special for the birthday children is it?

Whatlovelyweather · 04/05/2022 07:04

5 children in my child’s class are sharing a party. I do think that’s a bit much tbh. And it would be considered very odd not to get each child their own present. I actually think 5 does take the piss

balalake · 04/05/2022 07:05

I'm with you OP about not wanting to buy rubbish, the argument about waste and environment being enough for me.

tomatoandherbs · 04/05/2022 07:05

Ohdoleavemealone · 04/05/2022 07:01

I don't mind when 2 kids do a joint party. My work hosted a joint party for 5 kids last weekend though which felt a bit mean. Not very special for the birthday children is it?

depends Entirely on the child
lots of children get overwhelmed by all the attention on them at a party
so to share is a comfort

and load of children - my two for example - just having way too much fun to give a damn about not being the centre of attention!

ChiselandBits · 04/05/2022 07:06
  1. no need to spend more than a fiver on presents.
  2. assuming the kids are in the same class at school, you'd most likely be getting the same no of presents anyway
  3. it's not a transaction. You don't 'buy' your attendance at the party with a present so its not the same as 3 tickets to one show. The present is for a child who is presumably a friend to enjoy. It's can run into hundreds to host a whole class party.. Perfectly reasonable for people to split it.
33goingon64 · 04/05/2022 07:07

Books. HTH.

Stokey · 04/05/2022 07:14

Books or stationary. Smiggle do pretty good sales so you can buy their pencil cases 2 for £15, and various packs of glitter pens and small toys. I used to have a massive present bag filled with pencil cases and felt tips and the odd unwanted gift that we'd pass on.

Simplelobsterhat · 04/05/2022 07:15

I've never heard of joint party invitations only being from one person unless they only know one of the birthday kids. Doesn't that cause issues with friendships etc? I do kind of wish we'd thought of saying only one present or no presents somehow but too late now!

I hate the way it's seen as a transaction though, comparing to theatre tickets! I don't see the gift as buying a place at the party, more just a little thank you for inviting me / happy birthday gesture. So it really is fine not to spend much at all or even just bring a card.

Prettypussy · 04/05/2022 07:17

Always give them a book- really cheap but useful gift!

DSGR · 04/05/2022 07:19

I have no problem with it at all. One massive party, three presents under a tenner each, job done. My child enjoys it, the kids have a lovely birthday! I’d rather do that than go to three separate parties

FrecklesMalone · 04/05/2022 07:21

The best thing we did was group together with all of DCs friends. Had about 8 kids. Once a year I bought 1 present from all the group to birthday child. Spent about £25, got advice from parent. Then we didn't need to buy any more presents all year. And we only got one present rather than loads of stuff when we have far too much stuff anyway. The kids got used to it as we did it for about 6 years. Saved money, stress and the environment.

User0610134049 · 04/05/2022 07:25

When my dd had a 3 way joint 5th party none of us wanted 35 small presents for our kids so from memory we sort of explained on the invite and specified who they could buy for if they wanted so they each got about 10/12 presents.

Mummyto2rugrats · 04/05/2022 07:27

Sorry as I have been a parent who has hosted a joint party as my DC share a birthday close to a friend and it is all the same friends who would attend together so would impact 2 weekends or days on a bounce, my DC have also attended joint parties and yes a gift for each birthday child has been given as it is a little mean imo to begrudge a child a gift for their birthday as Johnny sent the invite not Freddie, presents don't need to be expensive and tbh I loved this year when my DC recently had a party and the parents clubbed together and bought him two gifts jointly of items he wanted /needed rather than lots of little gifts that maybe played with once, maybe regifted or that just don't get used at all. One mum kindly organised reached out to me and asked me I was more than happy and my DC was over the moon but having said that if I child didn't turn up with the gift my DC wouldn't be that upset as the main thing to him was the party and spending time with his friends after 2 years not being able to celebrate

Itloggedmeoutagain · 04/05/2022 07:27

I don't get what the problem is. 3 birthdays 3 presents whether it's one party or three. The party is not a reward for buying a gift

Itloggedmeoutagain · 04/05/2022 07:30

balalake · 04/05/2022 07:05

I'm with you OP about not wanting to buy rubbish, the argument about waste and environment being enough for me.

So what if it was 3 separate parties?

Bournetilly · 04/05/2022 07:32

I think it’s cheeky. A joint party with 2 children is OK but anymore than that is just cheeky, like you say you son is only getting to enjoy one party. But I’d still go, he enjoys them so wouldn’t let him miss out. Definitely buy a cheaper present.

RJnomore1 · 04/05/2022 07:36

@Snowwhite83 thsts fair enough then, it’s a shame especially after very little mixing for two years the kids are getting less parties together. Is it because there’s a thing for expensive activity parties?

but yeah £5 in s card, maybe a bag of sweets if you want to, is fine, don’t feel under pressure to find expensive/amazing gifts.

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